What are the Jedi planning to fish the blind child what is surprising generation“, I googled” what to do when you want to smash chairs and scream? In the family of Olga and Ilya Owocowych – seven children – three by blood and four foster, one foster daughter – a congenital disease, making the girl immobile, and the other blind. Olga Ovodova became the winner of the award “hero of our time”-2018, which is held by the magazine “Home”.
Family Owocowych. Photo: Anna Danilova
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Shaggy white dog to stick his knees, not letting to remove your shoes.
She wants you to scratch behind his ear, – good-explains Vasily Petrovich, Olga’s father Ovodova.
Exactly asks. No kowtowing, but persistently. Scratch and get a chance to move on.
A fat ginger cat with a sense of self-esteem passes by, follow him, and once – quiet comfort food. While the house is quiet – some of the children at the Institute, the second son generally far in Ulyanovsk, studying to be a pilot, someone at school, someone’s vacation and they slept.
– Olga, you almost fourteen years he entered the boarding school at Moscow state University for gifted children, moved from Astrakhan, where your parents live. Whether this is due to the fact that you became a foster mother, knowing what it’s like to live far from their parents.
– Not at all. It’s not even close to compare. The school, which to do was very easy, I came to study in high school. So it was my choice, because separation from parents is transferred normally. And the age is high school gave me when I was about seven, and immediately – in the second class, so I was always younger than my classmates.
– The young pioneer of the Soviet Union, smiles Vasily Petrovich.
In the boarding school Olga met her husband, Ilya. Both studied there, but at different times. Was found on one of the reunions.
University she graduated from, pregnant with their first child.
– January 8 protection, 12 – bore, smiles Vasily Petrovich.
First, petty quarrels Olga had almost forgotten. Challenging for families is the emergence of 13 years ago first foster child – Serezha. Olga, who taught the children chess, began to conduct classes in the boarding school, where he met with Sergei. The boy first came home to the family on the guest, and then they realized that it is impossible to bring, to take Blood… the boys Obodovich was then seven and three, and newborn daughter. Teen problems they faced, especially with the problems of a teenager “from the system”…
That’s when my husband and I were arguing, – says Olga. We took him along, and then when it became difficult, I stood in a pose, saying that it was his idea, he disentangles, and I wasn’t. The husband did everything, of course, to the full, went to school, where he called constantly, listened to all complaints led all difficult conversations. So he almost single-handedly pulled this whole project is “a Difficult teenager”. Here I have a cool husband.
I then, once again faced with problems, I thought that we shouldn’t be doing this, and you just have to hold on, because the back – not human.
When Serezha was 17-18 years, my attitude has changed. The boy graduated from high school, although initially it was the large backlog in school, he graduated from the school. So ended, I think all is well – the son grew up, leveled off, got married, and the day of the wedding lived with us.
Now a responsible husband goes to work every day the alarm clock. And all it cost endured hardship: if you put on one scale of a decent young man, and the other in a bucket of tears, the young man clearly outweighs.
Diploma for repair
Olga taught chess, and successfully traveled with students to various competitions, where they won. When Anna was born – took my baby girl to school – selected group of very interested guys, and it was a pity to dismiss them. When the girl grew up and to sit on your hands refused, had to take a nanny, so several years the entire salary was spent only to pay for it.
Later, Olga has organized a math club for all interested students, and to deal with it, children are recorded in advance.
– Math – a big, beautiful, I have something to tell, to show that beyond a school textbook, there’s so much amazing!
Even during our conversation, children who are still at home two, ask Olga something in math. Mom already had to go to work, but soon to go pick up Angela from school. Each child takes energy and attention, and more work, except for groups Olga bet the teacher-organizer.
– Now I use “Jedi technique of planning”. I have a list, synchronized and on the phone and on the computer, I sort the tasks by project. That is beautifully detailed and articulate everything, even small tasks with pleasure and put a check-mark is made.
I can throw tasks to another day if you do not have time today. These lists really help out – I am now almost do not remember, and used to be very hard all in your head to keep.
The head of the family, Elijah – programmer, with honors graduated from the Moscow physical-technical Institute.
When Ovodova were the parents of four children, they sold the apartment in Mendeleyevo, bought a nearby house, 1948, unfit for life in the winter and have rebuilt.
– Husband says: “I do not understand how without honors physics to build a house”. He put his hands to everything in the house and understands how things work. Once he called three professional plumber and said, “Make the heating in ordinary time worked by electricity, and when it turned off – and without it”, and they shrugged: “It’s impossible”. He took a vacation and hung batteries so that all worked out.
Generation “I googled it”
First, as expected, the parents led the children in lots of circles. Complex schedule overload.
– It was a crazy period when my daily on the speedometer was 100 km per day – I drove one kid to one class, while he is engaged, driving the second, and so on. Gradually everything settled down, chose what children like. It was not conviction that once the child started you have to finish. All my children went to music school, but finished only Sasha, and the rest of the cast. If a child wants to quit, I suggest you find something else. Sometimes that the child tells himself: “I signed up for this club, I’m not going to go to?”.
The firstborn Obodovich, Andrew graduated from physical-mathematical school, now studying at magistracy of National research University “Moscow Institute of electronic technology”. And Andrew sometimes helps mom to understand some of the mathematical issues.
Generation “I googled” I am surprised, they know everything. Do not ask – answer. “How do you know?!” – the constant answer: “I googled”.
The second son, Sasha, who, according to Olga, literally born with a bow in hand, he graduated from the four branches of the music school – violin, trumpet, piano and vocals. But this summer, winner of various music awards came… in Ulyanovsk Institute of civil aviation.
– When he came and said he wanted to enter flight, I something similar was ready. Saw that he was tormented by doubts for several years before that.
We supported him. Just asked to think – he loves music. But we do not believe that he was obliged to become a musician. In addition, two years ago came the film “first Time”, there was a phrase that exactly answered our questions. It says Alexey Leonov performed by Evgeny Mironov: “to Fly and to draw and to draw and can’t fly”. Sasha sings at the Cathedral of Ulyanovsk.
Anya is fourteen, she goes to boarding school, to have more time to engage in horses in equestrian club in Zelenograd. She has been show jumping (so a large white dog also is able to take obstacles), caring for ponies, treats animals. Once I even was present at birth and spent the night next to a newborn foal.
Good enough children
When the house appeared Arina – second adopted child, almost the same age as Anya, it was decided that now the girl will sister – friend. But I thought so just a couple of days…
They swore so, that there was a time when I tried them alone do not leave, still had time to resolve, to intervene, to persuade. The first few months were just continuous abuse.
I walked 15 minutes from home, go back and think that now, they would complain: “she” – “she”. I go, and – silence. First thought: “Kill each other”.
It turned out that they still played. Then it leveled off. A couple of years they do not conflict, but exist each with their own interests. Today we share a good relationship.
Arina I was a master of provocation. She knows how to take a prick in the affected area. I had to learn not to react. But at some point I realized that I too overdid it on the part not to react, and began to let her too much. The child says invalid rudeness, but I’m so done holding back and not rush into it with pots. Then I realized that exorbitant rudeness must stop, and at some point, and a pot on his head wear is not harmful. Here and looking for all the time some kind of balance where to intervene, where to intervene…
Even if yelling is rare, the child understands that now he is big time fucked up.
– Olga, how to cope when it comes, that I want all to scream, break the chairs, when children do not listen a lot to do at work?
– Just like people with migraines learn to feel an attack, I also have learned to feel, when soon want all to scream and try to stop it. Can the room be closed, and the lock is.
– The room is useless – laughing Arina. She is a polite lady. If you need something to ask – waiting for my mom to finish a phrase, and only then asks his question.
– For the repose of the souls I have several courses, end a new take. This good full Internet inexpensively or free. This is my time for myself, and I am very pleased to have been of record, tests, evaluation. There was a case when I was sitting with a laptop in an empty bathtub, because really wanted to read their courses, and the children were not given. But that was once, usually I’m ready to answer questions and help. But I believe that I have a big load, and I don’t have to answer everything they ask at this point, I don’t have every night to cook food perfectly correct that if I’m tired, sometimes unable to give my children yogurt and buns. Better bread with yogurt than screaming mother or mother in depression. Knowledge itself, so you can already terapeutiche.
I like the term “good enough mother”. The term “good kids” would also be good.
I have not perfect children, they do a lot of what I don’t like. Conversely, don’t do what I wanted. I wish they were even more beautiful, so they’re always the first time answered all my requests that they voluntarily would take the book from the shelf, instead of sitting Vkontakte for stupid pictures. But on the other hand, they don’t do anything that I would consider totally unacceptable. They are lazy, somewhat worse than their abilities to learn, sometimes we eat chips, and overall wonderful children.
Help down – screams Cooking, and grandfather, who lives separately, but often comes to visit the family of Olga, helping her to get to the first floor. Varya – arthrogryposis – almost do not work legs and arms. She can’t get myself dressed and in General almost nothing to do with his hands. Cooking has gone through a difficult treatment and can now walk, but only in the tutorials is like plastic boot on the whole foot. It seems like some frame from a sci-Fi movie about the future – chairbound girl comes to the table and sits down. Cooking home schooling, but, if possible, and sometimes attends school. And she is learning to play the piano!
– Cooking is such a sweetheart! When she came home, it seemed as if it has always been here. It was absolutely amazing, when you lead is so complex in terms of physical problems of the child, and there is a feeling that times – and the piece of the puzzle into place put.
Covered Olga in the hospital when she first went there with Varya – it was a long treatment, surgery. Strict orders of the corridor cannot leave until a certain time, on the street with a child is impossible, and here to spend months and other children!
– Then we have everything sorted out that you need that is not necessary, moved to another hospital, it was a difficult decision – to go with the obvious and go the other, it takes some courage, big thinking. Now I am very happy that we chose a different path. We were allowed much less being in the hospital, to be listened to when choosing methods of treatment. We with Varya went through several surgeries, several courses of rehabilitation treatment. Cooking learned to walk – not like healthy people, of course, but you don’t have to carry her in his arms. Hands develop gradually, but completely healthy it is, of course, will never happen.
Mom’s story about myself Cooking almost didn’t hear: went to another room to study on Skype solfeggio with the teacher.
A little over six months ago Obodovich had another foster daughter, nine-year-old Angela. She’s blind and only goes to the first class. In the orphanage she was put to severe mental retardation, but Olga is sure that there is no retardation. Thinking about how to solve the issue with the school. The “home” of the child can be transported in a specialized boarding school, but it’s not very useful to the girl who stayed many years in an orphanage. She has problems with attachment formation, there is no understanding where the, where strangers. The girl, with whom she had spoken two minutes, she assigns his sister, any adult woman – mother.
When Angela was already with us, we went to school, which is attached to Cooking. To me a teacher that works at this school and I know a hundred years, and says: “I am for the blind in the Institute’s specialty, he worked for ten years in a blind school”. And you understand that it’s a surprise for you, but the Lord provided…
Have Obodovich Angela gradually discovering the vast world around us. How to grow carrots, which at the touch of the goat… It was not known virtually nothing. On the question of who is this mermaid, Olga had began to explain that this is a fabulous character with the torso of a woman and the tail of a fish. “What is a fish?” – was the next question. I had to go with the girl in the “Auchan” on the counter to study the fish – how does it feel…
– Angela has been difficult, there really was adaptation, we need to get used to, and still get used. She asks a lot of questions, I once set up an experiment to count the questions, and they turned out to be 1059. Moreover, it does not record, ordinary day. I now learned to forward these issues to her. Ask: “what do you think?” It is on the one hand terribly curious and interested in everything she do, on the other hand, if she doesn’t have this issue, she quickly comes up with something else in order to continue the conversation.
Angela is afraid that the mother suddenly disappear. It happens in children from institutions, but Angela is even more difficult, she can’t see, and because it is calmer when she hears the voice of his mother.
When I speak with students via Skype, she hears my voice and discipline is silent this time. But if she can’t hear me, nervous. Maybe I’m wrong, but I do sometimes go for ten minutes. Sometimes it’s easier to make it quiet than ten minutes to hear what she wants to go with me. Maybe it increases then number of questions. All of this can be live, although I am very tired. I realize this fatigue and can stop responding if there are no forces. Again, I’m not trying to a nervous breakdown build yourself the perfect mother.
Vasily Petrovich – the only representative of the older generation. When it comes to new foster children, she at first said that it may not be difficult. And as soon as they appeared in the house – just consider them my grandchildren.
– I straitly kept, – he knits his eyebrows, but Arina smiles and shakes her head, so that it becomes clear that grandpa is clearly exaggerating. – If you start to misbehave, threaten to transfer from the category of the most favorite grandson is in the category of just a favorite, he explains the principles of its severity.
Have Obodovich that in life, in relationships between people – from small things to global – quietly, without melting down, and yet very truly, deeply and safely…
– What moments, I realize that it’s all the children – not in vain – on the porch of Olga answers the question I asked a long time ago. – Anya, for example, gets up early, though she does not go to school to braiding the younger’s hair. Andrew is well able to explain to the children the lessons better than me, and this, remember, my profession. Or Cooking tells Angela where to find the toy, and she, in turn helping var to unfasten the seat belt. This is shaping up, it would seem, from the little things, from small daily steps, but then it turns out to be extremely important.
Photo by Anna Danilova and from the family archive Obodovich