Why a month after the 1 September the child lies on the doorstep and sabotages the school and could a new pencil case to get to learn, says child psychologist, head of the Center of the Family unit in the Martha and Mary Convent of Mercy Anastasia Pelachyk.
Photo: 123rf
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The Director says: “your child school maladjustment”
– Why child prepare for school? Psychological diagnosis is not enough?
Anastasia Pelagic
– There is this terrible phenomenon of school maladjustment. Imagine the Director calls you and says: “Take the child. His school disadaptation!” And you stand confused, scared, not sure what to do.
School disadaptation occurs when the child is in school is bad to walk, he did not want to go. If the child is obedient, he begins to suffer and be sick, sabotaging attendance at school. Fainting, dizziness, weakness, nausea, even the temperature of the manifestations of a lot. Anyway, in school it is not for a good reason.
My most gifted and promising of ten children, of which I myself as a psychologist, diagnosed psychological readiness to school, there was a maladjustment. He was very unlucky with the teacher. He was in a class with the complicated and severe teacher, who aired their psychological problems on students. The son began to hurt. He was dizzy, tickle in the throat, he coughed. For the academic year of eight months was in school only three. But my son one of those kids who have a good understanding “about the need”.
But there are others – children genelabs. They have a large supply of will, energy, life resources. Such children would not mock his body, they school simply will not go. Lies on the doorstep.
If parents have plenty of enthusiasm, they dragged the child to school, but then iznalloz will disrupt lessons. What about these children usually say: “Take, it others learn not to give”.
– What is the task in this case to parents?
To do all we can to disease or objection is not reached. Besides the fact that parents makes sense to take care of the choice of the teacher they trust, or at least to understand who a child is to communicate, need to do three things.
To find out, and does the child have motivation, development of whether randomness, and, of course, it is important to pay attention to the level of intellectual development of the child. Whether it will pull the program and requirements that will be tough against him on 1 September and over the next eleven years?
New pencil case and straziki can’t be motivated to go to school
– The motivation you call “want or do not want to go to school”?
Right, and if I want, for what? Motivation does not happen good or bad. It is adequate or inadequate, one that helps us to do something or not helps. The child may, in principle, not wanting to go to school 1 September.
– Why?
– First, because he has a negative personal experience, if we are talking about students.
Second, if the negative experience others had. For example, he saw dad grabbed the belt, mom screamed, both parents were forced to rewrite notebooks older siblings, and they were crying at night, the lessons from exhaustion. Of course, the child who has to go to school, say, “no, Thank you. I better sit at home”.
Our task, if this family has never dealt with a senior in the presence of a younger, not to discourage the younger the desire to go to school.
Not to criticize the teacher, even if the “Marivanna – the fool”. Not to say that school can be bad, dangerous or difficult. Not to show a situation when the school involve any unpleasant emotions.
– And if it has already happened: already abused elders, have already grabbed the belt, been crying at night?
– It’s not the end of the world. All children have natural curiosity, they will naturally want to check whether everything is so awful. On this and need to play. The task is to drum up interest, talking about the school as about the place where will be something useful and remarkable, and not to frighten realities.
If a child wants to go to school, it is important that in addition to inadequate motivation was adequate.
Inadequate motivation is a situation when the child is lonely, lack of communication, no friends and he wants to school to play and chat. There is talk he will not, that change is short and the lessons are not.
The task of parents – to organise a summer intensive communication with peers. Help find his friends in the circle, the camp, in the country. The child must be the experience of a party that the school was not the only place where he can finally see the children. He has the summer to get enough to aboltins and to have enough communication with their peers.
Inadequate motivation is also extrinsic motivation: I want to school because I will buy a super-duper portfolio, fashion pencil case and bow with strazikami. Trust the experience: straziki off, pencil case bored for the month, the portfolio soiled and, therefore, to go to school becomes nothing. If the school is associated by the child with different objects, which the child will have, it is necessary to find a different motivation on which to build.
– But for many parents it’s a really powerful argument: “we’ll get you your briefcase!” What to do?
Just ask your child: why do you think the school well? What more do you want, imagine it next year?
Even better you will understand the motivation of the child through the game “Director and student”. “Come on you’ll be Director and I’m the apprentice – talk to the child. – If you’re a Director, you have to give me lessons for every day.”
He will make his (own experience or the experience of older children), and if there every day, “drawing”, “music” and “exercise”, then he’s not learning and cognitive motivation. So, your child has the motivation game, and he goes to school, to have a good time, because not enough and not communicated.
Curiosity – an innate thing
– How to understand what motivation is adequate and the child has to rely on?
– Adequate motivation and cognitive. Desire to learn new things, curiosity is a thing inborn. No matter what items have a curiosity, it is important that at least there was something interesting. But the innate motivation dies easily in man. And kill her parents.
– I don’t believe.
– Child sits and eats sand in the sandbox. What makes a parent? Catches the sand to pick out, washed mouth out with soap and to conduct educational work.
You are standing at the entrance, discussing with neighbors the increase in utility tariffs, and the child takes at this time all that is in the dustbin. What do you say? “What are you doing?! – you will begin to resent. – Look, what shoes and shirt I brought on the street, and you’re a pig… Yes, we in the school of music were recorded”.
And if the child socket plug picking? Threw not only save, but to yell and punish. Or when we find out my husband went to the family budget and the child comes and asks: “MA, why do crows head black?” I assure you, you will say, “don’t you see we’re busy? Stand back, child, sit in the corner quietly.”
Parents need quiet child who sits and paints the house with the sun, and if my roommate and I chatted, is silent and not butting in.
A child who has high cognitive activity, which checks the trash, the taste of sand, the depth of puddles and rotates the outlet – such a child is uncomfortable for us.
– Well, do not allow the same socket to disassemble?
The principle is simple. What doesn’t kill you – everything is possible!
“Socket to spin and trash, what to do, check. The sand is not very good to eat, then drink smektu. Okay, find out what it tastes like,” that’s so right to talk.
Cognitive activity important in child to encourage.
Finland for many years won all the world competitions for the best preparation of children for school. And there is enormous merit not only teachers, but also parents who are very much children allow.
Is focused on everything: the environment and the people. The Finns withdraw their children on the street in oilskin trousers on the straps and let go measure the depth of puddles. That’s right, because this is the only opportunity to learn the world your body and all the senses. No one will rush in Finland to beat a child if he began eating sand. Be patient, let your child to master the universe.
Photo: fotostrana.ru
As to the child to convey that his efforts much depends
– And can this cognitive motivation to promote and develop circles?
– I – opponent’s early development. Mugs is good, because well develop self-regulation (taught to tolerate and accept). But more often they kill cognitive activity. If young children have more than two circles, it’s a disaster.
The child is not able to successfully participate in all activities. Children with parents are linked like communicating vessels. We have the higher cognitive activity, the more we try to transmit to children, to push them into more circles, the less intrinsic activity of the child.
Active parents are usually passive and ameboid children. Parents, it is important to dose their participation, because cognitive activity needs to come from inside, not outside.
– In addition to cognitive motivation, there must be some?
Training. But it almost never occurs. If I, a grown woman not know how to skate, how do you think I trained yesterday? And the day before? If I go every day on the ice? Prompt immediately. No, I make no effort to correct this situation. In this matter I have completely no motivation for the training.
Educational motivation is a situation when a person can not can not, but, trying, in the hope that it will get better. Directed this motivation can be anywhere. I can’t, but I will try someday.
My youngest daughter is crying in figure skating, because it hurts to stretch, it is difficult to jump. And when I asked her: “Well, do not go?” – she cries, but says: “come with me-e-e-e-eat!”
I can not but overcome, making the effort. And this applies not only to sports, but also lessons. My baby, which not get math every night he says, “Mom, let’s go study”.
Willingness to work hard, to praise, put a sticker, a medal, was allowed to compete in the competition is a rarity!
Remember, in Soviet schools evaluated the children’s diligence. You can not fully cope with the task, but if I see that you tried, I’m encouraged. The child must be the experience of overcoming and effort, and this experience, too, should be encouraged.
You need to convey to the child that his efforts make a difference. Explain that we are not important formality – test scores – but important as it to the test prepared. Academic motivation can be nurtured through positive reinforcement: our admiration, a kind word, gift, camping, his spare time. The child should be at a reflex level: if you do good, then we encourage you. But not get carried away with money that it does not become a barter.
Remember, the factories were previously Board “We are proud of…”? Get this thing home. Write baby thank-you letters, post there letters, drawings and medals. The child must be visible proof that everything he does is not in vain! Positive reinforcement should be not only on hearing but also on the eyes.
– But the school is not only “I want” and “need”.
– There is a third kind of motivation – social. This is a situation where the child wants to go to school, because he knows that everyone in the world has the case! Everyone is doing something useful for humanity. Dad works, mom keeps order and comfort. What’s your case?
It is important to convey to the child that he cares: “You are a disciple! For the whole of the country is important, as you’re learning here and now. When in 20 years someone will need to cut Appendix out, and the guys who are bad in school, don’t know where he is right or left – want to this doctor? And if you like it inspector, who does not know the traffic rules? And agree to get in the car, which is going to the losers and not understand how the internal combustion engine? Or if a burning in your house wiring will be to extinguish with water a fire-losers? You’ll like it?
Understand how important it is to study well? On this depends the future life of all of us! Cure us doctor, will we be safe, good house to build planes and gather. We are proud of you, if you learn no nonsense here and now. You work for us all!”
Photo: unsplash
How a child learns in elementary school depends on its future path.
Elementary school is not information, nor the jamming of knowledge, not the teaching of reading and writing and the fact that Moscow – the capital of our country. This home away from home. In elementary school learning how to learn, obtain and process information, to systematize it.
That is why parents need to talk about the importance of the role of a student. That is why we give a separate child table, where no one can touch his stuff. His Desk, his briefcase, his works. The child is an important status not only duties but also rights, because then he becomes a respected member of society. And it’s a great motivation that will help him all the 11 years in school to do an effort and move on.