Child poisoning classmates, my mother comes in and says, “Your morons must go”

Why bullying occurs, who can stop him, why parents do not notice the persecution and did not believe that their child is capable of, and is it true that violence is more discussed at the round table on Bullying. Net

Photo: ya-roditel.ru

  • Cyberbullying: the meeting place cannot be avoided
  • At prestigious schools kids are bullied more
  • It’s not about how to teach children to be nice to each other
  • Lyudmila Petranovskaya: Let the teachers believe that they are poison to the team
  • How to talk to children about bullying

The victim commits the act, and all say: “Wow!” – it doesn’t work

Lyudmila Petranovskaya – Russian psychologist, an expert on child bullying, teacher and publicist

Lyudmila Petranovskaya

– I think the first thing we need to do – this is not a question of education, it is a question of ensuring the safety of children in school. No school can say “Sorry, the security question is not to us, let parents at home.” We have wiring, bare wires hanging, and let the parent at home will teach that it is necessary to go around and not to touch.

It is a question of ensuring emotional security. If we question in such a framework, we will put the dilemma, who will have to raise, leave – this is not a question of education. Education is a side effect, a bonus, in the process, children will learn not to punch each other’s head, and that’s fine, but the problem we have another.

If we’re talking about harassment as an element of violence, it is important to understand what violence is. It is the opinion of the person, or threats, or some bad requests which look like threats.

Group behaviour can be quite aggressive. Have you seen any fifth graders – they can yell at each other, fight with fists big enough. But if it happens randomly in one direction or the other – today, all the yelling at this man, “he’s a fool,” and tomorrow all switched to that, and it’s somehow more or less noticeable without sagging roles, we can talk about bad manners or some children’s period mastering the aggressiveness, but no more.

Persecution makes a group, a crowd of witnesses. In fact, depends on them, is persecution or not. Buller can come and start their bullying, but a group shrug, if you say: “What are you doing?” – all will immediately stop. By the way, the signs of a child who is witnessing the bullying, about the same as the victim, only slightly weaker, posterthe. Actually, why it remains a witness? Because he is afraid to be in that place. The main horror: if not, then tomorrow me because we have such rules.

Children’s literature often exploits this story: victim performs an act, after which all say: “Wow!” and translate it from the status of the victim. But that’s not true, is the introduction of children into error. This is again a conversation about the person. Everyone thought he was a schmuck, but he was the eagle, and now it’s different. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work, it should realistic to apply this theme.

We do not prepare teachers who themselves often create an unsafe environment

Elena Alshanskaya President of the charity Fund “Volunteers in aid to children-orphans”

Elena Alshanskaya

– We’re talking mostly about schools is the main staging area, where 90% of the time they are children, and where it happens most often. I have a question, and I want to ask: what can the school do in a situation when this is happening? Not even about prevention. What should be the actions at the school?

Indeed, school should be a clear guarantee that the child will come whole, leave whole, and the whole not only physically, but emotionally and psychologically too. Because, of course, bullying destroys a person, surely it makes a man very strong disbelief in the value and integrity themselves.

We have no teacher training programmes, which often create an unsafe environment specifically and knowingly because it is the only way to maintain discipline. They have no other skills except, for example to build hierarchies among children, when “senior” may offend “Junior”, “senior” can support much better because the teacher can’t cope with that. Or to create a situation in which an undisciplined child will “discipline” bullying others.

We talk all the time about the parents of the victims, although in reality more than those who poison – they’re a band, more of them. So you need to think about how to teach parents to recognize their children are not so much signs that his child is being bullied, how much of what he’s involved in this, that he is the active party. How does a parent teach your child how to get out of the situation of participation in the persecution not as a victim? Standard history – once more, it is necessary to teach them, the rest will be easier.

The reaction of parents familiar: “You have offended, and what did you do?”

Masha Rupasova – children’s poet and writer, inspirer and a team member of the project “ТравлиNet” and BO, “Crane”

Masha Rupasova. Photo: Anna Danilova

– We have this whole year that we worked on baiting, there were disputes, as we focus this year on children and teachers, and it seemed to us that we have very little interest in their parents. When we wrote the plan for the next year, I insisted that we the parents paid more attention, because the parent must make a request to the school in a safe environment. It’s we, the parents, the children, and we are paying all this fun from its taxes.

So I think it is very important to enhance parental competence, parental ability to recognize persecution by circumstantial evidence, if the child tells you about something. You need to explain to the parent the danger of persecution, and to make it more scale knowledge.

We even thought about, to offer parents some kind of algorithm, because even people who read some books on psychology and honestly likely all articles Petranovskoj, still popping up the usual reaction: “And what did you do? Hurt you, and what did you do?” Start the child immediately to blame. Want more parents to equip tools for the recognition of persecution and instruments of interaction with the school, which is very often scary.

The mother arrives and says: “Your morons must go”

Irina Podovinnikova – head of inclusive education BF Galchonok

Irina Podovinnikova. Photo: Glory Plans / ASI

We are talking about a specific expressed forms, when clearly it is clear that evil. The horror is that there is a number of forms of abuse of pressure and humiliation that we have not even a single Convention about them, what some do not realize that this humiliation and harassment, and others say, “what’s the matter?” This is one of the problems in schools we see. School says: “we Do not. It’s the boys. Oh, he drowned the backpack in the toilet is the boys ‘showdown is a form of socialization”.

In 2015 we launched antibullying program. It is very clear training on the topic “Gossip” – this topic is separately allocated for children. For teachers we made teachers ‘ meetings, where he read specific signs of early persecution, not when it is far – and somewhere someone someone moved, someone in line ahead. We trained their Supervisory unit.

Training children to varied roles, first one portrayed Buller, the other sacrifice, then they had to play different roles, to stand in different places, respond to, and strictly follow the plan that is written: how are you going? If you’re not leaving, at what point are you going to senior? Your reaction.

At first they giggle, then they retracted. This is a very specific thing, which really work very well. One of the boys, which we calculated as Buller is really very good the boy was, but we had to obtain permission for personal work with him from my parents. Came mom, and we understand where everything goes, because mom said, “Your morons need to go, they are the problem”. We understand that this boy – only the translator is an adult position, and then we started to work with him collectively. In short, wherever you dig, everywhere is an adult.

What else can the school, but to learn to fight back

Irina Lukyanova is a teacher, writer, journalist

Irina Lukyanova

– Unfortunately, I often meet deaf lack of understanding from schools, which makes the pewter eyes and said: “Colleague, you are confusing education and training. The school must provide educational services and education should engage parents at home. Let children they home educate and we lead.” And under the educational work of the school understands that participation in the regional rulers to the Victory Day, the Holiday of Courage, class “Bread – head” and so on.

Very often, parents are surprised: “How is my baby? He never poisons, he’s home – perfect friendly”. But the baby, getting in the team, begins to show absolutely other qualities, which he exhibits at home, and to live in the team, he needs skills that the home his parents did not bring up can.

And the school refuses to intervene here, saying that to educate parents got home. The school generally neglect its role in the dynamics of this group of children, teaching them other methods of resolving the conflict, but to fill each other’s face and “fight back, stand up for yourself”. To fight back – our all. One business coach told me during an interview that our society is most in demand skills in tough negotiations – how to bend a partner, not how to negotiate. Violence at all levels as the only way of interacting with each other – that’s what the school sees.

By the way, today Alexander Mintz wrote that the Higher school of Economics conducted a study according to which 70% of teachers are subjected to harassment on the part of students. And teachers do when they took away these instruments of violence, submission, humiliation as a means of control group not given any other tools, feel humiliated, insulted, and destroyed, because as accustomed, it is impossible, but in another way- no way no.

I am very often faced with the fact that the teachers on some challenges that apply to children don’t react as professionals, and as an abused 50-year-old ladies on young bully who them something very nasty said. When the teacher give some tools that can be done differently, some still do not accept, but many with thanks to learn.

Still there are important legal literacy, that is, training parents and teachers some quite elementary legal ways of resolving the conflict. For example, to write a letter to the President and to start with the application to the Director.

Parents when faced with the fact that the boy in the class beats all, but his parents say “let the beats”, what do they do? They write a letter demanding the school to expel this boy, instead of having to write a statement asking to ensure their children’s physical and mental safety. Teachers complain: “We can’t get a handle on the parent, he we wrote endless letters to the Prosecutor, and he had the child not doing homework”. I said, “Listen, you Charter school read you the law on education read? There is a responsibility of parents, duties of parents, rights of parents”. As if these documents do not exist, ignore them all: parents, teachers, pupils, as if the school continues to live in a legal vacuum, as if all of these laws, which operate, which can operate does not exist.

I’m 14 years old administer the parent forum “Our inattentive and hyperactive children”. Our inattentive hyperactive children, unfortunately, often subjected to harassment. There are statistics, according to which 25% of children with ADHD and Tourette’s are subject to harassment, and 94% of children with Asperger’s syndrome are subjected to harassment. When parents come to complain to the school, they do not know what to do, they can only cry and say: “Our child has them hostage, we are afraid to do something”. It is necessary to teach parents that it really can what he’s got tools in law something to do with it, and not to come to beat teachers and many solve this problem exactly.

How to convey to the school that she needed it? Clearly show teachers that they themselves will get, why they will be easier to work, not harder than it will help them.

When the teacher in the classroom is something unplanned and unexpected – one student struck up a fight with others, the teacher usually not very know how to behave, and he included at this point, some unconscious reactions. On top of that it should be, and enabled. Such manual I have seen once in a lifetime in school – it was school № 3 for children with deviant behavior on the street tsyurupy, she is now disbanded. There really was algorithms, what do we do when the student came to class drunk, for example. Very useful when the teacher has of the workpiece, which in this difficult time he can use it.

We need a separate specialist to work with school bullying

Olga Zhuravskaya – President of ANO BO “Crane”, the founder of the program Travelnet

Olga Zhuravskaya. Photo: Facebook / Pavel Fedorov

– In the year that I am actively engaged in bullying, and listening to experts, I identified myself to two points. First, that 90% of bullying is not the answer children and adults, and second, persecution cannot preemptively to stop, how to prevent it, if the school does not have a responsible adult who would be part of the school knew it.

We realized that in order for us to work effectively in schools, it is necessary to prepare such a specialist that is inside the school will continue to systematically work with bullying.

I thought when we started to do the project that we can very quickly be reproduced to scale, but no, because just as in inclusion, when you had to go from the resource teacher and from the tutor, and also in “Травли.Net” we go from expert teachers and its programs. It will be possible to include the training of teachers to work with the group, the organization of work with the school, monitoring antibilingual Manifesto, which you must enclose with the school, to avoid misunderstandings, what is bullying and what is conflict. This is a huge, long-lasting work with the school forever. It seems to me that there are no simple ways and half measures cannot work in the long term in schools.

“Give me 10 Grand, and your photos, no one will know”

Ruslan Yusufov, head of special projects Department of Group-IB

Ruslan Yusufov. Photo: say-future.ru

We stepped into the digital world, there we suddenly were, but we still don’t know how it works, what it does have dangers. This is often the theft of any personal photographs or videos with the purpose of extortion.

Standard case a boy met a girl on Twitter, struck up a friendship, and then they exchanged some contacts and photos. Then begins the absolutely incomprehensible to the ordinary person, the procedure when he said: “You’re put on Qiwi 10 thousand rubles, and then no one will know. Here is a list of your friends, which I downloaded from your Facebook, if you don’t do this, they all know about it”. They will extort for as long as the money will not end. Second, in 9 of 10 cases, they still merge videos or pictures. And then begins the harassment, just the catalyst for all this is quite different content, tools, methods of spread, and extinguish it much more difficult.

There is another set of tools from crooks, criminals, people who are prone to bullying on the Internet feel more comfortable, more anonymously.

If a child came home with bruises, you can find them, and once the question: “Where did you get it?” But if the child was sitting at the computer the past two months, he seems to be physically intact, and no one complains, but when this occurs, the harassment in social networks and use other simple tools that at first glance are not obvious to adults and teachers, to others. This is also a problem that we can not work, do not know how to stop it in time.

When violence ceases to be the norm, it seems that it has become more

Ekaterina Shulman is a Russian political scientist, specialist on problems of lawmaking

Ekaterina Shulman

– When we are talking about legislative regulation, immediately before the eyes as of air, draft article of the criminal code. I can already see how it would look, so I want to draw attention to the first stage of lawmaking: that you can not regulate – not regulate. There are things too subtle to be described Federal law. It seems to me that the Charter school is a document, which could be more explicitly spelled out this kind of thing, including sanctions, which may or may not be, if the school deems it necessary. In the framework of the education act have their own methods.

Naturally, the school cannot write: “let’s put on the peas and the rod” is not consistent with the education act. But some methods, including sanctions, at the school there, and in the Charter it can be spelled out.

From the point of view of the brutal practices, the most violent are unified groups, same age, same sex and not supervised from the top. They are really unnatural. In nature and in a free society people are not grouped in this way: the same age and the same sex. The more diverse the team, the better it will be furnished.

Demographic covered, more young people than all the others, and, in particular, the preponderance of men over women at a young age – a civil war, crime, organized criminal gangs. Accordingly, when we mix boys with girls, white with black, healthy with less healthy different to each other – we are already subjected to erosion database for persecution, although we think that we, on the contrary, provide it. In fact it is not. Diversity is the first key to solving the problem.

The second is the social nature of bullying, social behavior that is based on the normal. In 99 cases out of 100 people do a) what they say b) what they do around. This may not most of us have to human nature, it’s not very noble looking, but conformism is a social norm. We socialities imitating others, we continue to live in society by imitating others. As I? I, like everyone else. It places the responsibility for what happens in the team, ustanavlivatsya standards. It is not only an adult, although his primary responsibility. However, it should be understood, if he lay a certain norm, people are likely to follow it than they will from it to avoid.

The third concerns the responsibility of an adult. If we take the extreme case of this concentrated ill one team with bad practices, that is, the army, and the so-called hazing, we see that even in this heart of darkness manages to somehow improve the situation.

How was this done? What happened? The first method, the school cannot enforce, it cannot reduce the period of training to one year, because, of course, the less people spend in the same involuntary group, the less they have, the temptation to vent on others the sufferings which they felt themselves to this. But what we can learn? That transparent walls and the ability to come and go already drains the atmosphere. The more isolation, the more violence.

The second is to work with officers, in our case, teachers. I heard that phrase I was expecting to hear teachers are using the tools of bullying for control. Officers use a mechanism to maintain discipline. When, instead of being rewarded for silence, began to punish cases of hazing, the behavior has changed.

The third is transparency and the introduction-side agents: the army is a variety of agents,from non-profit organizations such as “Soldiers ‘ mothers” to the Prosecutor’s office, which, as I recently explained to one recently served, comes every two weeks and sees all. If you have bruising, especially on the face, neck and chest, ask where it come from. An agent coming from outside, really drains the atmosphere.

A good idea is that mentality as a stable structure does not exist. There are social norms that are changing, they are subject to transformation. All we now say is the tools for changing social norms. It was a shame to complain, was not ashamed. The word tattling retired from active vocabulary. The idea of “let yourself surrender beating the nose”, too, as it has lost its popularity, although from time to time occurs.

When we’re talking about violence where more, where less, where the mores of tolerance, where they are less tolerant, we must keep in mind two things. The first is a moving social norm. People – very flexible and very adaptive creature. No gauge in his head does not exist, that is why education is perhaps why children don’t completely copy their parents, so societies change, sometimes beyond recognition.

Second. Behavioral practices become visible when they cease to be normal. What is the norm, we don’t notice it falls into our blind spot. This is one result – when violence ceases to be the norm, I think it was more because he began to pay attention. What we are now discussing it, suggests that it ceased to be normal. What we have identified as a problem, so we are ready to deal with, so we are ready to work and it will be resolved.

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