Dragon Helga

The story of Peter Davydova from the book “where all the present”, recently published in the publishing house of the Sretensky monastery.

Photo: Unsplash

  • Bear-flint and Abba Dorotheos
  • Lenka and God
  • And I let you borrow money
  • Crunches on relics
  • “Grandpa, no one wants to be a horse, come”

Pyotr Davydov

For some time, quite a long, I lived in Germany. For some reason. More often – because of income, language learning, friends, and extensive traveling needed and not. Of course, the impressions of youth are firmly settled in the memory, there is much to tell – something to stop being sad over something to laugh at, something to think about. For example, on a story about “the Dragon Helga”, which is so called for the apparent well too stereotyped German character even by the Germans themselves. That’s no dragon this grandmother was not, as it turned out. That many Orthodox would do well to learn from this “dragon”.

Dragon Helga couldn’t stand teenagers. Dragon Helga caused fear among the adults of the district. Fear was given to the children experiencing in front of her mystical horror. The elderly of our district Helga somehow loved and part of their pension invariably left in her butcher shop.

Teens are quickly altered her name, and Helga Coldra she became Helga Kebab. Without ceasing to be a Dragon, of course. Often the walls of a butcher’s shop were covered with regards to the Dragon – either to find his Siegfried in the end, or turn already beautiful. Kebab had become bitter and raged, scrubbing unpretentious wishes and threatening all heavenly punishments.

Our acquaintance with the Dragon convinced me of the correctness of the chosen nicknames. Came to Germany exactly at four in the morning. Without tradition we must abide by. The silence in the city on the free the river Rhine. No car, no bike, nothing – grace German. Only the birds whistling above the reservoir. Nightingale, I think. Was trasladarse whistling went home.

Photo: Hans-B. Sickler / Flickr

The intersection. “Zebra”. Pass. Raspy voice, croaking, whistling, I almost jumped from surprise: “Young man, a red light must stop!” Normal “Guten Morgen”: it is the grandma at the traffic light, waiting, main, green light and there is a hurl. “Grandma – say – Hello. And anything that of the first machine, which then may be will pass, wait an hour and a half? And anything that I want home and “Zebra” that will overcome in five seconds? And there is nothing a Ghost landscape to life. The snail creeps and the whole city will hear, and you are in the handkerchief under the tree stand is scary.” “I repeat (“Their waterhole”): the red light should stand. To Stand (“Halt”)!!!” three exclamation points is still sealed – the whole neighborhood was definitely awake. I ducked away, in General: these are the Rhine and the nightingales early in the morning, I think.

Friends consoled, and said that I was very lucky: the Dragon Helga can read notations and morals for hours. “You – say – missed the passage about the fact that traffic rules are written with blood (“Verkeersregels zind mit Bluth geschriben”), and that we must abide by not only traffic, but most of all the commandments because the commandments (“gebote”) is also written in the blood of all mankind and God – like! And the fact that it is in the morning on the leaves of dentures clicks, it’s because the Kebab keeps a butcher’s shop and always comes to work before anyone else. And time in the district is not divided into night and day, and the “Dragon” and “after the Dragon”. She briskly right and requires that rules are obeyed strictly and always. Otherwise – he says – no life in Germany, will not be, as in the rest apostasies the world. The word is still learned: apostasia! That is, no one knows.

In the shop she godly quotes from the Bible hung the rosary and the motto: “Ora et labora” – clear the stump, you chump. From Bavaria, probably.”

I laughed. Forgot. Affairs was too much, and they concern only “labora” – prayer and if anyone remembered, something about yourself. Construction, contracts, transfers, transfers – Dragon Helga Kebab remained somewhere in the subconscious example of stupid legalism.

And as it so happened, that time us the money is not paid, in spite of our performance. Wait – I say – citizens and non-citizens. Be patient, at least a couple of days, better a week or two. Problems of the firm. We can say the crisis: after Christmas and New year we have no money. Entschuldigung (excuse) for this is unfortunate.

Someone suggested to strike. I interjected, saying: “Let’s threaten a hunger strike. Moreover, eat a really nothing, and nothing. Combine business with pleasure”. He laughed, moved his sunken cheeks.

The next morning was absolutely unbearable. Like the city, have collected empty bottles and cans, passed in the supermarket – got some poor grades. Well, how unfortunate: if the mind to buy it a couple of days last. “And you go to the store, buy the ka pasta with tomatoes, as we move more can’t we hungry. Success. Goodbye. Maybe.” Went what to do.

Dragon Helga just stood in front of the shop and squeal about the new offensive inscriptions made by stupid teenagers on the wall. In anger dropped the cloth, which tried to scrub the dirt. Tried unsuccessfully, only divorce is left. Apostasia, not otherwise. And through the window you can see all these hams, steaks, sausage with meatballs – the legs themselves have brought into the shop, I didn’t manage to think.

“Hello, Mrs…. Koldrup”, – uh, remember the name though, and that the Kebabs would definitely fragged. The cloth served her politely that it is in the hearts on the ground he threw, and I’m such a good and decent, raised. The dragon is something not appreciated my heroism – he was busy crying behind the counter. Resentment, as I understand it. “Why are people so angry? – sobbed. – It’s Christmas has just been, New year has died down. Everyone congratulated each other, gave gifts – why behave this way? Well this is no the order is not in Germany!” – “Come on, Frau Coldra, cry, say. They are a lot of idiots in the world!” A handkerchief extended to her wisely, and she in him and blew her nose disconsolately. “A handkerchief, leave – in handy.”

Photo: Unsplash

Seems to have calmed down, wiped tears, sighed: “What would you like?” and looks-is not strictly, but kindly, even a little sadly and understanding. “Live – say – swosu. You have so delicious in the store smells, to flavors the street is, and I’m not zhramshi. And three of your countrymen to live not against it. Here, I think giving them meat – Christmas is coming after all. Only money let me count, hold on”.

Squinted: “do Not confuse, eh? Christmas just happened! Don’t know anything. Apostates, I knew it”. – “So this is the new style, and we celebrate the old, in January.” – “?! “We” – who is this?” – “Said I and your three, not counting the dog. Give a pound of sausage” – sigh. The pasta had just left, what kind of tomatoes!.. “Orthodox, or something, right? – and smiling arrogantly. – Greek, Yes?” “Almost. Sausages give. Ple-ASE”.

Dragon Helga, incessantly mocking smile, pulls out a beef tenderloin the size of a hippopotamus and begins to put it in a giant package. “Wait, grandma! – oru. – I have such money never was.” Kebab looks over his glasses and said, “a Day without good deeds is a waste of time. It’s the law! The commandment! Gebot! Here it is take it, get home, and eat on Christmas day for my health. Stop (“halt” sounded more intimate than when they first met): so it turns out that the celebration continues still? So it’s good, huh? The money was removed. Removed, I said. Give. For the sake of Christ because”.

Honestly, you have all this dragon eortologio I have not had the strength to think, I have tired every verb and admiration, and hunger, to be completely honest. Waved his feeble hand in farewell and pulled his Hippo home. Revived the sleeping labor Association.

At the farm, suddenly, conscience awoke, the next morning: “uh, it turns out, the Dragon we saved your life, and we are here to celebrate your Christmas. Volker, call her to the table. Go-go”. Volker tolls, then said: “She can’t: her work to five. Otherwise it is impossible, he says. Crying again.” – “The phone let. Frau Koldrup you in the Christmas work do? That’s it. Come and join us. Wait.” Friends were surprised that I was able to force the Dragon to break all conceivable rules-gebote. And it really came! Elegant, festive, the horror! We quickly in jackets and ties stuck the candles on the table lit, the coffee started.

Sat and talked. It turned out that no it’s not a dragon and not a kebab, and a very good grandmother, Frau Helga Coldra. Husband in the war lost on the Eastern front. Since then, and lives.

She just believes that one must live by the rules. And the main rule appears to be to love your neighbor as yourself. Otherwise it will be bad everything, and it’s wrong.

Someone grumbled that “wrong is when you earned money do not give”. “What?” – strictly asked. I had to explain. They say, delay the salary, “breakfasts” fed. “Who’s in charge? Who? Phone me. Hannes? Coldra worried. And be disturbed up until (tell the names)… and have realized it, huh? No, not tomorrow, but now. The mayor Hello.”

The money we transferred in half an hour. The wall of the shop we cleaned and painted again, causing confusion and ridicule from the local youths. Wanted it to be free, but what are our desires and the rules of Frau Coldra? I myself new shoes celebrated. Which way to go only on the green.

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