“See, for example, a woman. And then you say that she is the mother. From this moment you look at her differently. You can say it gets in your eyes authority” – why the identity of a parent is sacred, and family life – a great feat, thinks the Archimandrite Andrei (Konnos).
Photo: tatarstan-mitropolia.ru
- Life is beautiful not because you have a family, but because Christ is
- Until morning, the boy prayed under the bed, so his parents reconciled
- “Why didn’t God protect my daughter? I have so many candles!”
- The son introduces his beloved and he hears: “She’s not for you”
Archimandrite Andrew Konnos
The subject of our conversation today was suggested by one of you.
I turned to one of my friend, our constant listener, who several years ago got married, with the request: “Help me pick a topic for the next transmission. I can’t think of what to say. What would you recommend?” He said, “There are some requirements on the choice of the topic?” “No, I said. – Complete freedom of action. Our transmission because so called – “Invisible transition” that during the conversation we can go from one topic to another, for the purpose of our conversations is always the same – to help people get closer to God and become conscious members of His Church.”
Then my friend said, “I Have a family. Why don’t you talk about family? Say something for us.”
That’s why today, not wanting to invade someone else’s space for themselves (after all, anyone’s father according to the flesh I am not and never will be), I still try to say a few words on this subject.
On the other hand, I am inspired by the fact that in the Church to any priest turning the word “father.” No matter is the family priest or a priest – still he is called the father.
As said elder paisios – sometimes the man who has a large family, like becoming celibate when you pray hard for the gift of children to their childless friends. “And I, the monk – added old man – though I do not have children of their own, but feel sverhtehnologichny because many family people come to me with problems and questions about family and children. And although I’ve never faced with such problems, but still, as my childhood also took place in the family, I remember and know what family life and therefore kind of know spouses who come to me share our pain, temptations, joys and sorrows. Especially sorrows”.
Every time I meet with parents – people whom God has called to be His co-workers in the salvation of the world and create new personalities, new people, eventually inheriting the Kingdom of God – I am in awe.
The identity of the parent is sacred. It is very dear people – because they have a special calling, a special mission. You see, for example, a woman. And then you say that she is the mother. From this moment you look at her differently. You can say it gets in your eyes authority. Whatever this woman is, she is the mother. It then changes as she gave life to one, two or more children. Same thing with the father. Parents are people, deserving of respect, even honor, reverence. Because I’m so family people. To you.
And family problems affect all of us, because we can all relate to the family directly or indirectly.
That’s why today I decided to talk about family and relationships.
He started a family – all, you have no more of his will
Actually marriage is a feat. And parents – of the great devotees. From the moment a person has a family, – all, carefree life is over, there will never be peace. Have a family, then there are concerns. From the time of the marriage, creating a family’s personal life ceases to exist. I, for instance, when you come home, then, closing the door and find yourself in serene solitude. I will want to talk on the phone, talk to someone, and do not want to – sit in peace and quiet.
Have a family man it will not work.
From the time of the marriage and until his death he does not have a moment’s peace, because the problems that appear in family life is a problem without end.
That’s why parents – the great ascetics, and a family is a great feat. And I am convinced in what I say. He started a family – all, you have no more of our will, our aspirations and goals. How many mothers sacrifice their professional knowledge and diplomas, raising children! How many people compromise their plans and desires for the sake of others! Even food sometimes you have to give enough rest; a vacation is not planned as much as before, and taking into account the interests of all family members. Maybe you want to go somewhere – but if someone in the family fails or refuses, you have to sacrifice your desires. The same applies to day to day expenses. Like, for example, kind of thing, and I want to buy it – but instead you buy the necessary for children.
It is a great feat of the great victim.
Even the great Athonite ascetics, the elders, say, realizing what a feat represents family life, beginning to feel reverence for people who have children. After all, it is a different, special kind of heroism in our world. This feat is different from monastic asceticism, but equally great, meaningful, and blessed by the Lord.
Photo: spbda.ru
What a person’s parents? What is his family? There are a lot of families, and each – their problems, their difficulties. How many families, so many problems, features. Every family is unique – with its own unique features and regulations. So when a person talks about his parents, his words may not be applicable to all parents in principle.
“Father, I want to get a job, not to live at home”
For example, someone’s son or daughter is constantly absent, they do not happen at home. And the problem parents have is that they don’t see their children, lose them, lose control over them – the children go. And in another family the problem is purely the opposite, however: parents worry that the child sits all day in his room, not wanting to go anywhere, communicate with anyone, not wanting anything. Sitting and sitting with no distractions, no joy, immobile, dull, self-absorbed.
Some parents worry that the child is silent, he closed and closed. And those who have a child, on the contrary, with a violent, restless nature, worry: “what about him? Without a moment’s silent, speaks non-stop, all constantly bored, constantly Horny.”
In principle, these examples just show that the same parents does not happen. Cannot all parents give the same response. And because every family deserves a separate conversation. That is what the confession is when the priest examines the problems of each family in the ward individually. The programs, conversations (whether on the radio or in Church, at the parish), the books we read – they just give us a General idea, based on some common traits, and we are immersed in a uniform atmosphere, showing a number of paintings from which everyone can choose the one that suits him personally.
Having heard something of his “own” you pay attention to it. Or not even “his” and relevant to someone else. In this case, you can pray for that person, even if heard, has no direct relationship to you.
I know kids whose parents are so strained that they come to me and say: “father, I want to settle down somewhere to work in order to fly not to live at home. Let the salary will be small, the main thing is to have enough for rent and you can move”. And housing these young people, I must say, not cramped, enough room for everyone, but to live there no more. Yes, everyone has their own room, but parents in this constant feud, it is impossible to communicate! All live in constant tension.
But in other families – their problems. Their joy, their problems. It is normal that we have different thoughts when discussing such issues, but we all understand: the theme of family is very complex, there is always a lot of problems, and not enclosed in his own family circle, to remain indifferent to the problems of others. Pray for them, open the soul to meet people!
Let all, who are now all well and family life is blessed, thank the Lord, glorifying Him, and enjoying His gifts become a source of joy to his fellow beings. And if you have to pass the test, will take it in the Church, in the sight of Christ, faith in Him.
In any case, dear parents, for all of us – and to me, a childless monk, and you with children – are the words of John the Baptist, which he uttered in the desert, or rather, just one word (so brief was his sermon): “Repent!” All of us need repentance and the understanding that our mind, our thoughts need a change; they need to open themselves to the light of wisdom and enlightenment from God, and then we absolutely differently will perceive their family problems.
Translation Yelizaveta Terentyeva for the portal “Orthodoxy and the world”
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