The publishing house “Olympus-Business” issued a book by gerontologist Laura Wayman “let’s Talk about dementia: a guide for caring for people with memory loss, Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias”.
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Grace was a very active woman. She loved to attend Church, attended classes in ceramics at a local club and spent a lot of time with her husband ned. He was her closest friend, her soul mate. When ned was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, she could not afford anything else but to devote herself to caring for him.
The news of the diagnosis was torn apart by the heart of grace. It seemed to her that the ground was slipping from under his feet. How bitter it was to realize that the disease is incurable; what is the acute loneliness she felt, knowing that loses her husband and friend; how anxious she was to live, knowing that he will long to be near her. Care husband is now fully occupied her day. She no longer went neither pottery, nor to the Church. She felt that she could not leave ned for a minute.
Grace was exhausted. And besides, she’s completely cut himself off from the outside world. Other family members offered to help her, but she always refused.
As a caregiver, grace felt a sense of guilt at the thought of that will ask someone on assistance in the case, which seemed her only her personal debt.
In Alzheimer’s disease, memory loss and problem behavior over time, it appears more and more, grace became more and more difficult to “switch” ned. Now it was required a lot of effort to get him to perform simple actions, that in the initial stages of the disease, he did alone or only with a little encouragement, grace. Most of the grace also started having health problems.
Family had to intervene and they appealed for advice to me. After talking with me about their situation, grace knew that goes on a disastrous path to save their own health, it is necessary to change something. She jotted down the list of relatives who offered to help, phoned them and made a schedule when and who can come and sit with her husband. Grace again became regularly going to Church and signed up for your favorite classes are ceramics.
In addition, she began attending a support group for relatives of people with Alzheimer’s disease, where he was able to communicate with those who find themselves in the same situation as her. Grace thought that the group support really helps her. As to the meetings were relatives of people who were in different stages of the disease, someone she could learn, and someone, on the contrary, conveyed a personal experience.
We are learning, caring for someone with dementia. Grace was able to share my experience with other “colleagues” — and it eased her own guilt and helped to develop new, sometimes negative emotions she faced. But the best part was that, freed from guilt, grace could live with her husband many more precious for both of them moments.
What can we learn from this story
In the history of grace we meet a familiar feeling for many care — blame. Guilt is a regret the wrong thing to do. But is it wrong to ask for help, to be able to pay attention to their own needs? Isn’t grace supposed to feel guilty that spend hours a day on herself? Or that she needs a break from caring responsibilities for a husband? The answer is obvious.
Grace was a wonderful wife, who took on the role of nurses and sacrificed for the sake of their own needs. But guilt prohibits care to draw attention to themselves, and this leads to physical, mental and emotional stress, and possibly failure.
Many of those caring for their loved ones feel guilty when faced with the most difficult job in his life. They are ashamed to enjoy life. They are ashamed to leave a loved one at home or even with someone else. They feel guilty for not just. Regardless of how much time and effort they devote to care and how to effectively cope, guilt still plagues them. The wine hits out of nowhere, stopping to look sensibly at the situation, lead to depression and even depression.
Assessment and approaches
Unjustified guilt is destructive in many ways.
Probably the worse of all that guilt makes you think you can’t cope, but actually caring is a warrior and a hero in the face of dementia.
This understanding is the first step in combating self-flagellation and all other strong emotions. Then you need to understand what is the source of guilt-free, discuss your emotions with someone, and make time for yourself.
Caregivers often take on the extra burden and feel guilty for not feeling guilty. To get rid of such can be difficult, but you owe it to yourself. Writes Dorothy Womack, “let the guilt get over yourself, and listen to what he hears your heart — you will find that your loved ones are not only at peace with himself, but wish the same for you.”