Galina attends a group of co-dependents anonymous “al-anon” based on the program “12 steps”. This program is not part of any religion, but has a spiritual basis. In an interview with our publication Galina shares her story.
How long have you been involved in the program “12 steps”?
— I learned about it 13 years ago. Then I was practically at the bottom, in severe depression. I was treated at urban, regional hospitals, drinking antidepressants, but I did not help.
— What is the point of this program?
— Exemption from destructive family relationships. In 1953, the world health Organization called the disease of alcoholism, co-dependency is also a disease. Moreover, some psychologists say that to get rid of her more difficult than from alcohol or other chemical dependency.
Through the program, I gradually began to recover. I realized what was happening to me: God, I know, but I feel as if the glass between us. The third step of the program is to turn everything to God. But how to do it? The process started when I realized that everything depends on me.
I heard the parable: the tightrope Walker walked a tightrope across the falls, then took the trolley to put the assistant and asked the audience: “do You believe that I drove?” All: “Yes, I do.” Moved assistant, the tightrope Walker said, “Well, if you do, stand up and get in the truck”. No one sat down. I realized that I was the audience, and it is necessary to trust and “get in the truck”. The glass wall immediately collapsed. I realized that faith is not enough. Need trust! I’m so relieved! I learned to “sit tight”. This does not mean you have to sit idly by. What can I do — to do. At first I could only come to the program.
— What has changed in you since then, thanks to the program?
— When I joined the band, there was such a crowned head! The questionnaire was the question: “Write your shortcomings.” I first thought about it, but could not answer. Then I realized that the flaws I still have. So I first met with itself.
I advise everyone to take this course. When I heard about love I thought that’s crazy — people talk about something that does not exist. Through the program, I believed in love. I’m happy, my whole attitude has changed. It is necessary to accept people such what they are. All people are beautiful, all of God’s children, He loves everyone equally.
— What is the main problem codependent person? How to know azavinyl me or not?
—The codependent person lives, not seeing themselves. He is focused on getting someone to help, to solve other people’s problems. It’s socially acceptable, but it interferes in the family.
— Unless assistance is too much?
—The more dependent help, the less strength he had to fight. It gives a sense of impunity. Not necessary to save the person if he is asking for! If we are to overcome difficulties, develop. And if not, then degrade. Freebie deprives us of life experiences.
— How the program helps the dependent to be free?
— What co-dependent is discharged and giving the dependent freedom. I five or six years attended, my dependent continued to use, but my attitude has changed. I no longer blame him, he understood everything. They need love. “Mom, why do you love me like this?” — said son when I was drinking. “Son, love for nothing! If anything, it is not love.”
Do not say: “You so-and-so, you promised…” or somehow try to manipulate. Instead, it is necessary to give everything to God. I wrote God a statement. “I can’t do anything about it. Please take care of it”. This means that I am completely removed from this situation.
And isn’t this irresponsible?
Because everyone is responsible for himself. This is not a breast baby and an adult.
Your son also took the program “12 steps”. She helped him?
Yes. He’s already six years do not drink alcohol, got married. He, of course, it was very difficult. He used in life to solve with alcohol. Alcoholism is completely cured.
— What helps him to stay afloat?
— First person is impossible, it’s all in God’s hands. Second, he had other interests: home repair, family.
— What is your motto?
Live and let live. Leave it to God.