“I turned into a little robot who does all things well”

“I love children. Can’t say that before did not like them. Just did not notice. They were not interested in me. Now they seem to me more interesting adults.” The publisher Kompasgid published a book by journalist and blogger Nadia has Papazoglo “#cagemate. A squirrel in a wheel”.

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Reboot of all systems

Nadia Was Papazoglo

Not yet had a child, I lived without hesitation or looking back, getting a pleasure from it all. When this pattern suddenly appeared broken, was not myself.

With the birth of a child, things have changed. First of all I myself. I suddenly ceased to feel the world as before. Can’t say that before the birth of the child was a habitual selfish, but with his appearance in the world my sense of responsibility to others and compassion is very different — like an avalanche, hardly portable. There was a scrapping-cut boundaries. I suddenly began to notice something not seen before. And to empathize.

Yeah, so. Until the baby learns to sit, walk and talk, you’re in your “30” suddenly learn to empathize. To be more forgiving, more caring, and easier. You new eyes to look at people and rethink a lot of things in the sphere of human relations and feelings. For example, I started to put up with friends, less likely to offend people, speak less sharp.

Became slower. Learned to listen and try to understand.

Child nice slow, but this slow time gives a lot. Learning to listen baby, you start to hear and adults.

Getting sentimental. For example, I started to cry in the movie. In a year when Kostya was born, there was a film “the Impossible” — about a family that survived the tsunami. I couldn’t watch it. I sobbed in three streams, although in the past the film would seem speculative to infinity. And here the realism of family despair suffering children — all of this has impacted me on a physical level. I then blamed on hormones, but now my hormones are OK (I even have a certificate), a cry in the movie I still like a girl. Can’t watch movies with a high dose of violence and suffering. No, look, of course, but crying. I couldn’t finish reading a book about ethics in the siege of Leningrad (Sergey Yarov, “the Siege of ethics. Morale in Leningrad in 1942-1943.”) because I feel it’s different. I graduated from the history faculty, they bring a special detached attitude to historical texts.

I loved children. Can’t say that before did not like them. Just did not notice. They were not interested in me. Now they seem to me much more interesting than many adults. Adults rarely hear something new, but in kindergarten every day brings some discovery. But, knowing kids, I began to better understand adults. And many genuinely loving, accepting them for who they are. Lots of things lost their value, but others have become palpable.

Photo: Unsplash

The kid even opened my eyes. As a child, I remember also had a lot to see and hear. Beautiful things like a rustling of leaves, singing of birds in spring. Then I lost this ability, because I thought about something else and did something else. Much of life was brought to a comfortable automatism, and I turned into a little robot that does everything well and gets physical pleasure.

And then everything was back. First with riding the stroller when all of a sudden I didn’t have cases, fans, and even many friends, and instead there was a bunch of tedious duties and the time to stare at the ceiling. And there is something to see. Then already together with the child who says is not what adults. “Red is many and strong color, but it restlessly and you think about it,” says Kostya, drawing flowers. And looking at the rain blurred drawing with chalk, turned into yellow Creek: “This Creek flows to the same place we are! It turns into a river and then the sea! And here is not flowing, it’s a pond, look at the pattern as a leopard spots!”

With the advent of the child came to light, and some personal problems, did not realize before. For example, anxiety. Before that I was worried is because of the level of material comfort that it seemed to me mandatory to upgrade every season. Now the anxiety consume me very often, material has become the number I do not know even how, I’m just worried. Numerous things that are closed on the child, from household items to total an unjust world order, and environmental issues. It’s hard for me to live with it, but I’m working on it.

All other changes I like. I’m glad they happened to me. Although the one area of vulnerability that I spent my whole life trying to cut down, suddenly rose significantly. And live so much more difficult. But how interesting!

Of strangers here no

There are people who love children. Children — it is their vocation, they are always welcome, in any mood, and number, for them it’s natural habitat. Most of us really are not.

Of course, we also love children. But their own, or their friends. And we love to hang out sometimes without the kids. if it really was such a night, I want to use it enjoy the freedom. Not to catch the falling tomatoes on the floor, even though you are already professional in this case.

Meeting with friends, so I want to talk about something other than children. But all the talk quietly slipping to the subject. It would seem, for us its enough, why do we have to listen to endless stories about strangers? But the fact of the matter is that with the birth of your own child suddenly strangers cease to be strangers.

Photo: Unsplash

You’re completely otherwise start to take boiling and swarming around a child’s world. You can’t share a smile: to smile at my baby, and what next. I can not answer the child, which calls you to see how he’s climbing that rope. Even if you’re not his mother. You always lift up the fallen toddler, even if you see that he does not hurt. And when in the street someone yells “mom”, you instinctively turn around.

Your baby is such an adapter: through him, you begin to think the children feel the children understand the children who live in children, and through them the people. You don’t look the part on the playing paddock. You’re already in it.

A huge emotional bonus whether you wish it or not: empathy, pain, fear, anxiety, joy, happiness. You can’t go past, because your mind is already changed at the community level. Because children see every adult some parent. They may not trust, do not approach, look askance. And then stretch the machine and asked: “Good?” And again you will not be able to remain silent. Because there are no strangers and their own, there are just kids, here they are: one flowing snot, the other catches a butterfly, the third delves into the stroller. All aliens, all their own. Even those that knock the legs in the back of your airplane seat.

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