Even in utero the child is put in a difficult diagnosis. And then – parents often remain with this diagnosis alone, without psychological support, without proper explanation of the situation. Women, faced with this, I don’t want to tell his story under his own name, often can’t talk about it. For such cases in Moscow are going to open a perinatal hospice.
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- Terminally ill child should have the right to be born and the right to die next to her mother
I brought cans of tomato paste – it had my daughter
Irina with her husband was overjoyed in March 2016, they will have a second child. Eldest daughter was three years old.
To this pregnancy I was treated somehow differently, more consciously. Every day I was stroking his tummy and talking to baby. Thanked God and prayed that all was well. I immediately loved this little guy, felt that he in me that he is very near, but I can’t seem to touch him. Even the existence of morning sickness I was very pleased he talked about the fact that the pregnancy develops.
The first screening showed that all is in order. At 17 weeks for the second screening, Irina took her daughter, so that she looked at the ultrasound of your little brother or sister. The doctor-uzist, which usually detail tells in detail what she sees on the monitor, this time was silent, then began to check something lying in front of her book.
What’s going on, what with the baby?! do Irina. In response I heard:
– Pathology of the Central nervous system, the doctor will explain everything and send to genetics.
Irina no one could speak, even with her husband. Just don’t have the strength, but hope that it’s not so bad, still remained. Suddenly the doctor-uzist wrong?
Not mistaken, which was confirmed by a trip to the genetics and ultrasonography in two different places.
The doctors stared looked at me, not knowing how to tell me that my baby has congenital malformations of the Central nervous system. They said that the pregnancy needs to be interrupted. I could not make the decision, but the words of the doctors, what will I do if my child will die on a longer term I in the womb or immediately after birth, frightened even more. One God saw the tears I shed. The decision was made.
Mind and heart continued to resist and to convince you that everything is wrong with my baby all is well, I can give birth to wonderful and healthy baby. Another ultrasound, after which there is no hope. I signed the consent to artificial birth.
While I passed all the tests, the kicks inside of me became clearer. The child seemed to speak to me thus, saying goodbye, or begging not to do it. By the time went to the hospital, I was so crushed that you could not think straight, right or not, I do.
Then came the day. I have caused fights. The emotional pain was so strong that it drowned out the physical. After seven hours attempts.
They gave me a basin where I was supposed to have it – an ordinary copper basin. Then cleaning with no anesthesia – and a wild sense of desolation.
Irina gave birth to a daughter on the period of 19 weeks, weighing 264 grams and growth 18 see
– On the day of discharge, I brought the package, and in it liter cans from tomato paste. Put my daughter and the placenta, saying that I should take on histology and, if you do not have time today, can do it tomorrow, because they are filled with formalin and nothing lost. There are no words to describe the feelings when I listened to it and held the jar in his hands. I was asked if I wanted then to bury your child or send it for recycling. If you bury, you will need to bring a diaper.
For my daughter my husband went to the morgue together. We gave it, wrapped in a diaper, which felt all the arms, legs and even ears…
Small grave with no name is all I have left from her. And the pain that never goes anywhere. For me, the younger daughter’s name was Eva. I believe in Heaven, cares about her God… she leaves me every day, incessantly, to beg her forgiveness, hoping that one day, when I see you with her, she will tell me: “Yes, mom, I forgive you.”
Photo: Unsplash
Their history shared a ward of the charity Fund “Light in hand” which helps everyone who has experienced perinatal loss (during pregnancy, in childbirth, shortly after birth). The Fund conducts trainings on proper communication of health workers with the parents who lost a child.
To get help, you can contact the Foundation toll free phone 8-800-511-04-80 or email [email protected].
You too can help the parents, the details of the link.
He squeaked, and she yelled that he was taken
That pregnancy Olga froze, she knew when I was in business trip in a small town. Ninth week… a Few ultrasound, hospitalization.
When Olga entered the room, the first thing she saw – give birth young woman in the 24th week. Giving birth in front of everyone, including sixteen year old teenage girl that was lying with some slight hormonal problems. Artificial birth the doctors called earlier. One of the doctors, Professor in the paid clinic, said, “fetal pathology and pregnancy recommended break”.
I’m not sure that the local doctors didn’t discourage the woman, not worked with her. I then told the doctors not to call the artificial birth, talked, said with a child – nothing. To terminate the pregnancy insisted the woman’s parents, saying, do not torture yourself and child. Then the woman said that her child was large, weighing more than a kilogram.
In a state of shock she was told by everyone who was again admitted to the ward as she gave birth to him as he squeaked and she’s screaming that they took him away and wanted him to see.
Olga has been in this Department long, but remembers that time with horror. Next, in the wards of six people lying are the ones who have stopped the pregnancy in the early stages, those who had an abortion, those who have heart baby stopped beating by the end of the period, and those who ordered the termination of the “for medical reasons” on the same terms.
– I remember the girl, which the child ceased to live in thirty weeks. She was in labor for two days. Thin, exhausted, grey. Just awful. Which was increased from what was delivered in General wards.
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“He died” – the first words heard by a husband
It was the first pregnancy M. S. 21, she only just got married. Still not over the Institute, so many plans ahead. It was not toxemia. Somehow the doctor missed the first ultrasound, but after the first pregnancy, maybe it should be – the doctors-it is better to know.
– Time for 20 weeks, a second ultrasound that we came together with her husband… That’s where the doctor first time and said softly to herself: “the Baby in question”. Put a lot of some defects, among which I knew only the word “hydrocephalus” and “underdevelopment”.
At the Institute of obstetrics and gynecology, the diagnosis is not denied, although the couple was so hoping for this!
– However, said nothing about abortion, sounded some vague phrase like “if you don’t want to take risks.” In regional female consultation the doctor very sympathetically said, “Maybe even have to have an abortion…” I did not understand, shook his head, believed: “This can’t be!” Consulted with all the doctors, contacts that could get. Doctors still prescribe treatment and re-ultrasound in a month. One very experienced doctor said when we asked her about the odds: 1 out of 100 that everything will end happily.
Then my husband and I in conversation with each other said out loud what the child is entitled to this chance. He was treated symptomatically, that is, trying to rectify the situation with backlog in development, and what else could be done? But sometimes horror and fear, crying for the shoulder spouse. The baby was moving… or do I have this thought?
In the control ultrasound the doctor put a “missed miscarriage”. The deadline was 27 weeks baby ultrasound – 21 weeks. “He died” – the first words heard by a husband waiting on the porch.
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– Then there was the gynecological Department of the local hospital.
Not sympathetic looks of the staff, but rather contemptuous: “I Went somewhere, for a long time had come, we would’ve done.”
That is, in their opinion, it was not necessary to give the child a chance, the one that let the only a should have come as soon as it became clear that everything is bad. On the same floor, nearly adjacent wards were mum on the continuation of the pregnancy, the same as I, with non-developing pregnancy, and the women who came for abortion.
Nothing to describe the process of inducing childbirth and childbirth. It was scary, unclear. When I gave birth to my tiny tramatramadol child, became for a time easier, perhaps, some of the hormones, from what an abyss of uncertainty passed. It was our eldest son.
Then came the time to think, a lot of thinking and talking to husband. There was a second wave, after the last shock. Awareness, you have to learn to live with it. The most difficult was to respond to the mourners near and far. As a result, the situation is absurd, when I started to comfort those who were very worried by such news.
It was hard to look at the newborn babies of our friends. My husband was asked to be a godfather to one of them, I was late for a baptism and I remember not even been able to really smile…
Tortured phrases like: “Nothing, it’s coming.” Because in addition to what is ahead, already was the fact that behind.
There wasn’t a baby, but motherhood has arrived. Only God in His mercy can comfort and cover. It was and is. My “walking on the edge” is not over for me, no diseases, inflammation. Found high antibodies to certain little-known virus treatment did not respond, and then it turned out that treat-they are not necessary, it is not pathology.
The Lord sent a kind, caring doctors, real professionals. Then the Lord sent a and pregnancy, and of the son and daughter, and then sons…