Is there a difference in the education of boys and girls than threat only dresses with ruffles, prevents the floor to become a pilot and Turner, what models support the glossy magazines, but why is it still not worth it to take them from their children, says the teacher Dima Zitser.
- How to raise boys?
- Boys and girls to educate differently?
- The boys from Mars, girls are from Venus. Secrets of parenting
- Oh, Masha, I thought you were a good girl!
- Jumping in the smoke and waving a sword, or – not a man
“You’re a girl,” Lenin and the society of clean plates
– Let’s start with the classics. “You’re a girl!” The danger of this phrase? What we broadcast when its spoken?
– Let’s move on a hundred years ago and imagine the following situation. For example, there are people with black skin, and he says his mother: “Mom, I want to enter the faculty of applied mathematics”. And his mother answers: “Well, you’re the nigger!” So it is clear? That’s all: it is guided by the best intentions, has programmed his life. What would this mother that we just invented? She wanted to protect him! Yes, it is absolutely not a bad mother. She may have wanted not to be teased, not to be humiliated. But it puts a fat point in his career.
– Tam she wanted to do either protect or said, “This is not your place”, and often when people say this sentence, coming from how to make things better, not about “protecting”, but rather: “You’re a girl, you must be beautiful, neat”
Is the other side of the coin, if you want. The person who says it, of course, at this moment, life is completely one-dimensional. I’m not saying this is good or bad, it is one-dimensional. The statement that the conditional Nastya was born for only one. Not two, not five, not seven fields. Very clear story. And this is my black and white view of the world I am a good dad or a good mom. Cook Cindy to the right of life to the role she played with honor and received some pleasure, perhaps. That’s all. It’s true and in a sense is the ability to sell yourself.
Why do I have to wear a dress of a certain style? Because if I continue to react – that these dresses will react to a certain type of men. Why, for example, I need to be silent, when a man says (I Domostroy cite the example, but nevertheless)? “Shut up, for thou shalt be wise”, right? That’s all.
Then if she starts to talk – I’m only you pull the thread, and will gender stereotypes about what a woman is not supposed to be smart. And what is “woman must not be smart”? (I wanted to say that the statement “Neanderthal”, but then I thought that such a comparison will offend the Neanderthal.) This creature, which I represent in your imagination, so easily offended, and a notorious klutz, what if, God forbid, next to him a woman say something clever, then immediately “burn all of his fuses”.
And in this moment I’m programming in relationship to the world. In fact, for all I, let the girl walks in her little blue dress below the knee, silly smiles and is silent, maybe she will be happy. But at this moment the whole world is becoming so one-dimensional in her views, that’s the danger. At this point, I’d say, mankind stop its development. Here’s what I think about it.
– Mcan argue: “Well, we’re not bad teach. It’s good if the girl is gentle, affectionate? I teach this when they say: “You’re a girl, you gotta share,” or “You should be nice to people” or “You have to look neat”.
Well if that girl is gentle. I always have a doubt on the subject here is the wording – thank you for it – “we poor do not teach”. And we learn where the good and where is bad?
– On the basis of their experience.
– Oh! On the basis of their experience. Then the person who, for example, grew up in the area, too bad you can’t teach. He will teach in the moment when the person is someone irreverent look, to give in the nose. If we only based on experience, we are in a dangerous situation very quickly. This requires a fundamental parental doubt, parent reflection.
What is good and what is bad? A wild poem that we all grew up wild and harmful, in my opinion. Despite the fact that Mayakovsky is a very good poet. Think about what is written there. Think about the juxtaposition of dirt and cleanness. I’m not scolding Mayakovsky now, I am a linguist, you might say, a fan of Mayakovsky. But there are different verses, different people, and we have different programming. We have been programmed that way.
And even programmed a book about Lenin and the “society of clean plates”, if you know this. There is the story about how Lenin manipulated the children and deceiving them, on the one hand, and on the other hand, what we need is “not in itself” that is the most important value. Value is not to stop, to feel full, and say: “enough for Me, then I will have an upset stomach”, and that all eat. So Lenin was not upset. Or anyone else. This is the minimum reflection – what I now say.
Nothing can be done, it seems to me that this is a basic parental quality. And the point is not to praise myself and say, “I do not teach bad”. How to teach! And we-who bad taught? They taught our dear, the best in the world parents and teachers (call them quite frankly). We often, no doubt, and it is necessary to doubt.
I will not climb in private life a draw, and if in the family there is a culture or a certain model – stay with this model, be happy with this model, to develop this model. Everybody’s entitled to one hundred percent. But as soon as you said “good” and “bad”, we doubt there shades are very-very thin in fact, and very, very much.
– Are you a feminist?
– I think that the question itself, the division of people by sex, skin color, size, age, country of residence, nationality and so on is pretty stupid. In this sense, women and men of this General concept. I, Nelson Mandela, if I believe that skin color should not affect opportunity? Like no.
– That is, in any gender profession you don’t believe? That’s only here for women and here for men only.
– No, I do not believe. Well, let’s take an example. Let’s come up with some and check it out, very interesting to me. So specifically, I never about it thought. I think women are by nature more reflective, for example. This could be inferred that women would be, for example, sociologists are more steep than men, and maybe not. Do you remember those endless stupid examples: “Why artists are more men than women?” And who gave them to draw something? The cow they milked at this point, while the men searched myself.
– Among the conductors of the very few women.
– More and more. You know, they say sometimes: “I don’t want to see a female plumber because the woman has to go on the stage.” This is a primitive look again: I do not want, therefore she will not or it should not. Well, what is it?
I think that there should be good doctors, singers, teachers, sanitary workers, plumbers and so on – and it is strange to think at this point about the genitals. Very strange the question itself.
I see the conductor will think about genitals… I actually wanted to listen to the music. I think it’s just provoking us to a primitive way of thinking. A hundred percent. And more and more. We live in a wonderful time when we can think finally. When we can stop and change his mind, not so long ago it was impossible. We were lucky!
Children are different, even though the parents – the same
– You have three daughters and recently had a grandson. Is your communication with her daughters from communicating with his grandson?
– Different, of course. Any person, a whole complex of habits, personal factors. Among them are gender. But he is not the first and not fifth. It’s part of us. Now we’re talking to you and probably within that in our behavior there is something that you behave like a woman, and that is what I’m acting like a man. But still we behave like people of their nationality. As people who have a specific vocabulary for a variety of reasons. People who speak a certain way. People who have different happened last night. The set of factors. On it we build communication. I think it is very important.
Parents say: “How strange that we have two children and they are so different, even though the parents the same”. Parents are different, with different experiences. These your children had different parents. Although from the point of view of the passport are one and the same people. That’s all.
– What is the difference in dealing with the grandson and daughters?
Grandson I rarely see. But there would be a difference if it was a girl, would simply be an additional factor. I have no fancy that if I had a son I would have him shot from a bow, and my daughter did not archery, because she’s a girl. I shoot archery because I’m cool archery. I don’t think boys need to learn to beat the face, and the girl do not need to learn to beat the face to anyone. People should be able to protect themselves in different ways, I’m not even talking about the physical aspect now. When he is in a difficult situation, it is necessary with this situation interact in various ways regardless of gender.
– Mom and dad are in fact different teaching daughters and sons?
– No. Mom and dad teach different people different. Different people teach different people different. There are so many examples that it’s very common somehow. Endless questions on this subject, I broadcast my radio shows. Very often describes a situation opposite to that which we now draw.
Man writes: “I listened to your show and realized that I was very soft. And the wife is hard as it is to change?” And this is the opposite situation, that man is so bristly, and the woman giving the host all the time and kisses. It’s not gender specific, therefore it depends on the model, and the skill of the model to change, the desire, the ability to doubt, reflection, asking questions.
So if Nastya says: “I want to be a pilot”, – there is no reason to Nastya pilot did not. No one in the world. If we think about it, the only reason that can come to us, that it little girls-pilots. Almost was not. And becomes, by the way, more and more, it’s interesting.
– As astronauts, by the way.
– Of course. This is an indirect evidence that all depends on the model. The model, which we have in mind, and not from the actual situation, which actually can be different. Many years ago a man-a dancer – it was an impossible story, this was not taken, was unequivocal interpretation and connotation, conviction and everything else. The same applies to women-Actresses. At this point we need to understand what we want at all?
– We, parents?
– We, the people. Of course, you can raise a girl, constantly telling her what to wear, who to speak, when to remain silent. It is a question of awareness of purpose.
“Embrace your inner woman” – but what?
– Is there, in your opinion, are some classic phrases or models in the education of the girls parents broadcast, and then it turns out that the person is very disconnected from myself and no longer hears what he wants and what constitutes?
– I think it’s again, not so much words as a model, in which we find ourselves. Is expressed if it is to take away the typewriter, and the words “you’re a girl” and “you’re a boy?” No doubt. Is it one way or another from a very primitive approach, our terrors and fears, ideas about what the iron needs to be peace. The further we live, the more any research, observations and models is a hoax that the games we play shape our sexual preferences. It is cheating, and enthusiastic readers can check it out. No correlation entirely. Implicitly, all the time, anyway, we are talking about what a woman should be a giver and a man should be taking.
Let’s stop and think about it, what infamy I just said. I have programmed your favorite girl or your favorite boy for one, totally understand the role.
His role of a macho, which, anyway, must do as he pleases. And its role – the victim, let us call a spade a spade, which must this macho be given.
View the world as totally one-dimensional substance. Which is not something that we can’t do the step right or step left, and we were born to fulfill one specific role: uncreative, completely understandable. And people who say that cover a wide range of clichés, they are usually at this moment can say: “what do you want?..” I know this formula very well: she’s not just manipulative, she’s vile. At this point, as it says in the name of humanity, large groups, imposes on us – in any case, trying is what we kind of want to say, puts us in the role of destroyer, the role of defender of humanity.
– “My women” – a meaningless expression for you? Or “my male nature?”
Yes. I think so, Yes. Princess Olga a thousand years ago, would tell one the nature of women. Five hundred years we would have women told us about another nature, in the end of XVIII century – the third, at the end of XIX – on the fourth, in the early twentieth – fifth, at the end of the twentieth – sixth, and now, probably, about the seventh.
– “Embrace your inner woman” – the manipulation?
– “Embrace your inner woman” – the manipulation of one hundred percent, because at this point it is assumed your answer, what. Embrace your inner sensitive, delicate – and the man is not sensual and not thin? Is the imposition of a particular model because the person who formulated exactly know how. He thus formulates a discourse and pushes me back.
– Wellapplejack feminized glossy magazines threat? They are harmful, they are stupid, they’re fucked. They’re exactly the same we are programmed: “Here you have”.
– Women’s glossy magazines are sold, and not programming. Any glossy magazines meet a commercial objective. Another thing is that in Commerce you can do differently. Apparently, the logs you are talking about, call average and stereotypical qualities, partly biological, and partly no, appeal to something. How do they work?
We assume that Nastya said that she’s a girl. We assume that when Anastasia was three years old, she took away the machine and gave her the doll. We assume that when Nastya for the first time in the store wanted to buy the pants, she either said that girls are wearing a dress or panties from girls are only pink or red. Bright, in one word. Because the girl in grey pants can not be. After that, when she wanted to sneak into the school to bench press, she gave the hand and said, “are you Going to do Economics”. – “DOMO-what?!” – “Housekeeping!” “What does that mean?” – “Look, you don’t understand, Anastasia? Your task is to be the hostess, you will.” “Why, I wanted to be a Turner!” “Turner?! Nastya, you’re a girl!” And so on.
Great. What do these magazines? They say: since we have a fairly large group of the population, which is arranged in a certain way, you need a magazine that will be included with this group in resonance. Yes, they are not taught to reflect – so we won’t reflect. They are looking for, as male to meet, perhaps? Here we’ll consider this article: five surefire ways to make husband satisfied in sex.
I won’t throw a stone in the logs. Moreover, if the dentist in the lobby, on the table lies a journal, take it and read with great pleasure, if the paper is good, pictures are good. All right. The magazine does not create, in fact, no model, though he may support.
This is akin to talking about what children need to 18 years to ban the Internet because they can go to porn sites. This is an absolute absolve themselves of parental and General adult responsibility. To my great regret, it is difficult to find a person of 12 years who have not seen the porn site. Sorry, I repeat again.
Our parental role, and adult role – is not that we will cut off their hands. But the fact that they know what they may encounter, and know how to interact.
Does this mean that we need to sit down with them to watch porn? No, it doesn’t in on-school. Because not absolutely all what we’re talking about children, we look and touch hands.
This means that they understand how the world works. This means that mom or dad are not afraid to talk about it. What mom has this certain attitude, a certain explanation. And ultimately, this means that I give you my word that talking about situations about which you know personally, in 12 years someone suggests a person to go to an obscene site opens, the man looks up and says, “Ah-Ah, that’s what my mom said. Thank you, I understand.” And closes. And I think it is much better.
– It turns out that reading these magazines, as some sentimental novels, which used to be the girl was raised not by itself affect anything? Affect the way we say or don’t say in our family and in our environment?
– Affects how we got to this point. Because the substraction of the cars is much more important than reading a magazine. And the situation when dad came – everyone is silent, standing with our heads bowed, I’m deliberately exaggerating, I understand that this is already a little become, is a much more powerful story than reading a magazine or, believe me, browse some of the site unpleasant. Model. Same thing with these magazines. If I am inside a model, then I will seek confirmation of this model from the outside.
That the ban, in addition to the magazine “Lisa”
– Recently in high-profile interviews one accionista told me that her dad in 12 years, said, “You magazine “Lisa” read more don’t, that’s you, please, Sorokin”. Dad she is very grateful. You dad agree?
– I do not support anyone, not a single person in the world that says: “Be so, not that way.” Now safely: it’s important to say. There is a situation of extreme. Now I will say, and if the child puts his fingers in the socket, you will not say No to him? I tell him “No”, but first and foremost I will make sure that this socket was closed.
But it seems to me that to oppose Sorokin and the magazine “Lisa” is pretty primitive. I have spinning in my head my favorite book, “Steppenwolf” by Herman Hesse, which I in 20 years I read, and I recommend everyone to read, and boys and girls. Herman Hesse, just in case, was a winner of the Nobel prize for literature, for the other work, that doesn’t make it work worse in my opinion. This is a story about a man, a very smart, very watching their own generosity, morality and everything else, which is in the area fifty years reveals that you can get pleasure from jazz, to get pleasure from wine.
That is, in fact, if it were not for the magazine “Lisa”, there would be Sorokin. It’s part of our world. Fun to ensure that on the shelf next to Oprah magazine or Cosmopolitan stood Sorokin or Hesse.
– A lot of things parents have on the machine slips. For parents of girls: what, apart from the phrase “you’re a girl” and taking away cars, still paying attention? On clothing? The same “accuracy” you can automatically issue some kind of gender nonsense.
– Just have a good bathe. The phrase “you’re a girl” may sound for any occasion. My parents quite often sawed about the room tidy, but in the case of a girl it will be the phrase beach. In this sense, you are right. Where I feel that it would add “you’re a girl”, the situation should be check entirely. “What’s your notebook, you’re a girl? I get it, you’re a girl!”
– You have daughters and there was this, never get out?
– I do not believe that it was not. Maybe I stopped in time, maybe not, I don’t want it to seem and not seem too positive.
– You parents hovered with the words “you’re a boy?”
– So the time what it was. “I want the boys to be Leninists, we want the boys to serve in the army! Oh, left, left!” – a song I remember from kindergarten. I have my photo when I was four, I was sitting in a tunic with a gun at the ready.
– POmnia your feelings then?
– I was very proud. I remember how we endlessly drew the war, painted tanks, fighter jets. I don’t think I originally wanted to draw, by the way. “I don’t think,” this is my profession! I’m sure it was not. Here’s a public story: my friend draws, who else draws and I paint. I don’t raped this time, calm and not exaggerate. But I am deprived of something very, very important layer of life. And this is very important. And this I certainly know.
– Can you remember any example when the parents said some of the gender things you ate then, and then rose, turned around and realized?
– About the tears. My father, a great and beloved, this phrase has repeatedly put. I remember a situation with resentment or pain, and I remember the phrase, of course. You’re the man!
– And your age remember?
Six years, seven years, eight years, not so important already.
– And you thought: “Yes, I’m a man, don’t cry”?
– I, unfortunately, don’t remember. I can imagine what I thought, I can’t tell the truth. Because of the age that the word of the Pope is very, very important. Seven years it as the word of God.
This is the main danger to seven years – at this time we are laying so much that it’s almost impossible to erase. Any parent word, any grown-up word, but a parent first of all, it’s a seal.
Mom and dad can’t be wrong. If it is said that the girl must go in the pink dress – so will go.
Maybe later something will change, she will meet a friend-a friend that will help, then in General there will be a transition age when everything is questioned with Sorokin or “Lisa”. Impact on me and Sorokin, and “Lisa”. He told me all are equally useful, or equally harmful or equally strange. “If only you knew from what rubbish growing poems without shame.” Man is a very complex organism, is very complex. And when I that, I don’t know quite how. One of my favorite books of school time, “Fathers and children” has made me very sharp, I remember. Bazarov was a controversial character, and I learned how he swinging talked to people. So now, Turgenev ban?
As a movie, which suddenly stopped eyes when someone is looking from home or you’re on the plane see it, sentimental nonsense, and suddenly you catch a tear of their own. Is that a bad thing? It’s amazing. That is necessary that is not necessary – I don’t know. In this sense we have been deceived. I have to say that “Lisa” shit, Sorokin done?
– Turns out, it’s the same manipulation?
– Well, Yes. There are wonderful girls who will read, probably, this “Lisa” and anything else, and Sorokin will throw and say: “fuck you!”
– CE gender cliches need to be considered for object manipulation?
– Yes, of course. Like any other situation where I sign under total is 90% manipulation. “All the Soviet people against the war”. Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah, this is against what the Soviet people. Or “you’re a Soviet man!”. This is the formula of Soviet films, it is the same as “you’re a girl”. We are Russian and we therefore! And the Jews are, then, a “black” such and such girls and boys, and adults are, and children are.
As soon as I heard “we in unison” I don’t know of any situation where it’s not cheating. Even about the most painful pages of history. All different, we are complex, and this is our value. We compound.
Here Pushkin, whom I endlessly quote: “Samostoyaniya man – the pledge of his Majesty.” Self-standing, i.e. self-awareness, independence, freedom, if you will – differently it can be called. This is the guarantee of our greatness. That we are able to rise above them or stand with them close by. To examine ourselves. To reflect. Here’s a human thing regardless of gender differences…