If there is no reason to live

Depression is a black hole inside a person, it drains his strength to live and enjoy. What happened to Frodo Baggins after the wound of the Morgul blade, how to survive, to accept their illness and come to heal – says Archimandrite Savva (Maruko).

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Archimandrite Savva (Maruko)

Do not be surprised that people like me are not allowed in the calendar Commission. First, I’m not good with numbers. Secondly, I find it hard to conceal a vested interest. In short, I’m going to drag in our calendar a new holiday and celebrate it with the most outrageous scale. And this day let it be the Sixth, Wounded – a holiday mainly urban, but covering all layers and social groups.

– Day Wounded? It’s about the veterans?

– No, this is about the Wounded. Those who suffer from the same contagious disease, which slowly and inevitably robs a person of strength to live.

Such diseases are many.

– I don’t want to call it. Rotten word! How common disease, accompanied by feelings of depression and despondency. Eight letters.

– Hemorrhoids?

– Well, I’m serious! De-Pres-si-I!

– So here’s nine letters! By the way, lice are also suitable. And what of the wounded?

– It’s all because of Tolkien. In my opinion, he described this as the best! Read:

“One evening Sam looked in the office of the owner; the thought was not himself, pale as death, and sunken eyes looking into the invisible distance.

– What happened, Mr. Frodo? exclaimed Sam.

– I’m hurt, dully answered Frodo, – is wounded deeply, and I have no healing.

But the attack quickly passed; another day it’s like he forgot about yesterday. But Sam remembered that it was something on the sixth of October, exactly two years ago, the hollow at the top of Weathertop flooded the darkness”1.

The event, which is remembered with horror Sam, called the battle of mount Severt, although it probably was not a battle, and beating. On the brave but defenseless hobbits were attacked by the nazgûl are incorporeal minions of Evil. One of them, the king is dead, stabbed Frodo with a Morgul sorcery blade, a fragment of which remained in the chest Baggins and relentlessly advanced to the heart. Only miraculously managed to rescue a wounded man from certain death and consequent disembodiment. But every year, the attacks were repeated again and again, and again, poor Frodo choked by the darkness of loneliness and despair, and this has happened not only in autumn but also in spring:

“In early March he wasn’t home, and he didn’t know that Frodo was sick. Farmer Croton the number thirteen in between went to his room, Frodo lay back, frantically clutching the chain with a pearl, and was, apparently, delirious.

Forever it’s gone forever, ‘ he repeated. – Now all is dark and empty”2.

Of course, this is just a brilliant tale. But how accurately it describes the state that drains all life even from a healthy young man!

Now all is dark and empty!

For me it is very personal and long-term problem. “The Lord of the rings” precious to me that suddenly gave an “icon” of my case, and molded her plastic image, and then gave the opportunity to see the whole thing, in volume and boundaries. Trying to understand, I read the different literature, both secular and ecclesiastical, and realized that from reading this I feel even worse.

Case harm the style and manner of speech, because there are things to talk about which is good only the language of images, myths, artistic expression. It’s like he brings the problem to a safe distance, immersing it in the created world, our inority, and therefore dull and safely insulated. All our “immanent” description of Injury is very dangerous, because it only fed the disease. So I will not dwell on where in the us does depression and how does – the patient clear, and healthy should not get involved.

Although that’s what the way depression is drawn in memory: after some disease I have long gone gustatory sensations: whatever you eat, all with the same taste, or rather, no taste, only the feel of rough moments, the loose structure of the bread, the liquid substance of milk, the stickiness of orange, but that the soul pleasing taste – not at all like chewing a plastic bag. Depression is a black hole inside a person, it drains his strength to live and enjoy. Not live, but a plastic bag chewing.

And no amount of comfort do not help, and instead of music – a Raven rattle.

But you took too long inhaled the heavy fog,
You do not want to believe in anything but the rain.

However, we must remember one thing – it’s just a disease. Religious people trying to find spiritual roots and sinful background, but this is a disease, the cause of which may be your body chemistry, heredity, childhood trauma or something else that cannot be changed, it is impossible to cancel a battle on top of mount Severt. You are already injured, time will not turn back. It is a disease that is with you forever.

Frodo could be healed only by going to the Last abode of the West, that we imagine the final health will refund only in the Father’s Kingdom. And all we can do is to learn to live with it. Therefore, the Sixth of October is a holiday of reconciliation with depression, and as the emblem round the tea-table, Laden with cakes and cups, which we both I and my fierce friend is a disease.

Photo: Depositphotos

Weight smile

Why cakes and cups? Because that’s how it is treated. Are state really hard when you need a doctor. I will not write. A lot of specialists. One note: do not be afraid of doctors, because we are talking about the disease, then the doctor is your ally and helper. There are questions that you should not understand the priests and matushkas, and the professionals who are trained in this. That’s why we sent their parishioners to the familiar to psychiatrists or psychologists – let the experts!

And here’s a question: why among the faithful, many cases of depression? After all, the man of the Church should seem to be healthier? It’s very simple.

In my experience, depression is very cozy feeling, if the victim is prone to soul-searching and strongly supports guilt, and these two points are mistaken as religious people, the basis of spiritual life.

Did I discover America? How many of us parishioners who truly believe that low self-esteem and eternal blame, separatist renamed in humility and brokenness, pleasing to God, especially our sour and gray face, long unaccustomed to smiles?

Depression is a disease, and nothing to look at your fault that you may not like all healthy people, to work, to pray and to go the extra mile. I remember well how just had been gnawing over the fact that that is because people like people – work benefit, and I walk to the door, open the book, pick up the phone – quite a feat. Well, next to me there were people belonging to all with simplicity and a cheerful disposition:

– Want to lie? Lie down! Nowhere will not escape! Can’t read, see a movie. Would have something tasty to eat.

– So after the post!

– When has that ever stopped us!

Wounded may be suspicious, angry, aggressive, and happiness, if relatives will understand that it is not the man angry, and the disease, and it takes time, just time and rest to heal. And if you hear this:

– Depression? The things some people come up with to not work! Let’s not play the fool!

The only one who has experienced such an attack, he knows how much strength it takes to just smile, and how hard it is to carry this “black hole” when no one with whom to share.

It is a pity that it is impossible to create a society Wounded. Depression is an illness that requires quarantine. The wounded can’t come together! In any case! The disease will begin to resonate with greater force. And feed her too. For example, I noticed that reading Dostoevsky draws me into a real maelstrom, and need a week or even a month to recover. The solution is simple: don’t read! The news upset? Don’t look! The b minor mass of Bach depressing? Don’t listen! It is not Dostoevsky, and not in Baja – they are geniuses! just patient dangerous is that healthy no harm is done. And if you have had experience of Wounds, take care of yourself the rest of your life.


Non-lethal sin

If once caught in a depression of the legs, consider what you put under the skin of the bomb to pull out is impossible, it will die with you. But there is safety: it is impossible to make “sudden movements”, it is impossible to live too carelessly and freely as before, but you can live, and live well, happily, joyfully and even sacred. Observe carefully – all will be well, otherwise, they will undermine themselves and loved ones.

– But it’s a sin! One of the deadly! It is necessary to repent!

…And digging, cultivating and maintaining a sense of guilt – that is, what is the disease. Let’s call depression a mortal sin, only that it will give us, in addition to the death of another person? Depression is a disease that can be associated with a lack of iodine in the body or out of the malfunction of internal organs.

It is a defiant sound, but today we know about the human body much more than the Holy hermits of the early middle ages, and therefore are not going to call sin disease.

– Maybe iodine is not enough. But why not enough? Leads a sinful life here and is reflected on the body!

Is a very popular hypothesis. But just a hypothesis. Maybe she’ll be confirmed. But while we have this specific patient, and I know one thing: call him to repentance or analysis of his life is possible only when he comes to his senses and will recover. In another case, your calls and instructions only will finish his already fragile psyche that we in the Church often happens.

And what do you do? The patient is to survive the disease with the help of doctors attentive and loved ones. And for those who did learn to meet head-on illness, which love to go back.

Reading the Psalms, I discovered a technique that “photovisa not satisa”. I mean, I know that seizures can be repeated and will again, but now they won’t catch me by surprise.

Survival course

The first and simplest – mode of the day. Don’t laugh! I had just dismissed from this Council. But, oddly enough, it works.

The rhythm of life each person has his own unique and inimitable, so that rhythm is not just to impose yourself by copying well-known blogger or fashion coach. It is necessary to look and listen to yourself, hear your body, understand his emotional life, his innermost rhythm. Mode – this is a unique rhythmic pattern of your body, if you will, his existential dance.

I think depression affects people insecure and impressionable, contingent especially vulnerable in the era of excess of information and space velocities. I can assume that depression may be a defensive reaction to this exhausting abundance of impressions that surrounds us, therefore it is necessary to spare yourself and your strength, not to take themselves beyond measure, and for this we need a measure to detect and give yourself and work and leisure.

The daily routine is a multi – year search. So do not be discouraged if you have setbacks. The famous Immanuel Kant, observing mode of day so accurately that the citizens of Koenigsberg had checked on it hours, found your routine far after forty years. And even if you’re over fifty, you still have time.

Rule number two: “air” itself. For me, a man vulnerable and impressionable, communication with people has always been a challenge and threat event, so I’d find excuses to hide and shirk. It turns out that for people of my warehouse, it is very important to “air” himself in communication with people. Each of us roam your poison – thoughts, doubts, memories, and if you give them the will, they simply will not leave a person with none of the joy. Therefore, it is important to distract, to switch to other people, to maintain children’s curiosity to the other person, learn to communicate with people, cultivate noble sympathy, which is of use maybe even to atrophy.

Rule number three: “to accelerate the body”. As treated his depression Kafka? In 1913, he volunteered for field work. If you have a burn-out, forward to the weeding of vegetables! Don’t know whether this has helped greatly Kafka, but I noticed that the condition of the body is affects the well-being of the soul. Many sit – and soul, and mind begin to freeze. A lot of lying in bed, the spirit becomes loose and helpless.

Regular walking, Jogging, soccer, and is not available to me – dancing! – a very useful thing, if you are prepared to talk on equal terms with his depression. Purity of the body, straight posture, easy movement, loose and broad gestures – really helps the spirit to stay and purity, and freedom, and mobility.

Here he writes wonderful children’s writer Yuri Ligong:

It is good, really,
This long road!

Razor in the morning
Shaves, shaves.
A Cup of tea
Warm, warm.

And fresh socks
Rid of angst!

Can you imagine? – “the freshest socks relieve boredom” – is not a cure for depression? Treat depression fresh socks!

By the way, in addition to socks, there are more handbags, hats, suits and cars, but personally I really helps the treatment of cats. Once I decide to confirm their words poetry, let me therapy from Boris Zakhoder:

With the way we happen to stray
(Around dark, and it’s pitch dark),
But we will not give
Forever lost –
Muzzle, tail and four legs!

Let often
Ferocious predators howl –
You are not afraid of any enemies.
Don’t be afraid, we are with you! – will calm you down
Muzzle, tail and four legs.

But if sometimes
Tosca’s eating you
(Sometimes this longing, though run),
Believe me,
What no you so will not help
Muzzle, tail and four legs.

Planned depression

You, probably, guessed, what is rule number four? In the version my uncle it reads, “fix your face!” – don’t treat ourselves and our problems too seriously!

You’re only human, and human beings happens. Therefore, it is necessary to learn to laugh at yourself.

In Orthodox spirituality too little attention has been paid to such a spiritual exercise, like laughter. And that laughter is a spiritual exercise, I have no doubt.

Maybe a sense of humor is something innate, but I studied this discipline for many years, learning from the best, imitating their teachers, who had no idea what to give me lessons.

Religious people somehow believe that our teachers can only be saints. To laugh at myself I learned from ordinary people, often even secular. Just copied the way they carry the disease, hardship, betrayal. Near you is bound to have such cheerful people. Depression is contagious, but laughter is even more contagious than. Forward! This is not a shame to get infected! Sense of humor is a skill that can be educated and we need to support, and, thank God, there is always someone to learn!

Laugh not only on yourself! Laugh at my depression! Western Christians have a wonderful Halloween, when children dress up as skeletons, vampires and other horrors. In fact it is the strongest therapy against panic of death is not healthy the remembrance of death, and panic, paralyzing the mind and heart of a young man who one day will realize and accept its finality.

Why don’t we have the Sixth of October the planned depression – day parody of his evil disease? Let’s start to hurt from the morning with the taste and excesses, leading to a wild grotesque and the absurd limit, all that so scares us. You can even come up with a special menu for depressive feasts: chilling tea, realnye pads, cake admirer, sluggish jelly. And if you take costumes, then this is the business. Don’t forget to share the interest!

A little sun

And last but maybe the most important thing. All my experience of struggle and thought is placed into one modest but wise words – thanks! It’s hard to thank when you have no strength left to live, and even reason to live is over. But worth the wait quite a bit, at least wait for the sun, and seems suddenly born hope.

Gratitude – the ability to be surprised. This is not just an emotion, and educated skill.

I first realized this when we get in the convent more than six months was no water and we had to carry buckets and kettles to wash. That’s when I was born, my morning prayer: “Thank you God for water!”

There are so many amazing things to which we are accustomed, which do not notice in their stupid short-sightedness. A grateful person is happy even depression, if at least through her he will get acquainted with yourself, understand yourself and re-discover all colors of life. His depression I am grateful for what she taught me to give thanks and wonder. Perhaps there are other, safer ways to this wisdom, but I was so, and, oddly enough, I’m glad all this happened to me.

Therefore, on the Sixth of October not just the Day of the Wounded, but the Day of reconciliation with depression – a teacher of wisdom, if it is through the bitterness and darkness is able to return to us the true taste of life and the children’s gratitude.

1 Tolkien J. R. R. The Lord of the rings. Moscow, 2002, pp. 963 – 964.

2 ibid., p. 962.

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