If you received an irritating letter, write the answer and don’t post it

The publishing house “Mann, Ivanov and Ferber” published the book the business coach Larry Senn “mood Elevator. Learn how to manage their feelings and emotions.” The author talks about simple techniques that help to cope with emotions.

  • We can teach the parent of a United Nations diplomat
  • Family conflicts – how to avoid the favorite “rake”
  • How our brain creates habits
  • As we are doing several things at once and deceive ourselves
  • The teenager is an introvert and the school: an unexpected strategies for overcoming shyness

Larry Senn

The first purpose of this book is to give advice and tips that will help your mood Elevator more often to stay on the upper floors. But the fact is that he still from time to time will fall, so as to be in a bad mood — it’s natural. Accordingly, the second goal is to suggest how to behave in order not to do something silly when the mood is at zero.

We are rational beings, and the possession of the power of thought and emotions is a gift, on an intellectual level which distinguishes us in the animal world. It allows you to imagine the future, make plans, think about the possibilities, analyze and interpret everything that happens in the soul and the world. Thinking allowed the person to overcome polio, to write classical music pieces, which do not lose their relevance even after the lapse of time, to go to the moon.

However, the same power of imagination, which is based on thinking, is a strong (and completely unnecessary) anxiety, because of it, we become depressed from the real or imagined problems, invent explanations for the behavior of others, become overly critical and caustic and even feel bouts of anger and rage. No matter how well you understand the principles described in this book: sometimes thoughts will pull you down and lift mood is to slow down on the lower floors. and therefore, the ability to cope with a bad mood — a very important skill.

When you are in a bad mood, there is little hope at the thought

Have you talked to a friend or loved one in the heat of the moment things that you later regretted? Pressed ever button “send email”, and then realized that it was a mistake? If you answered “Yes” to a question, remember the circumstances of those situations. On what floor was your mood Elevator? Most likely, at the bottom.

Both examples illustrate the most important principles governing effectively difficult situations: remember that your mind is a very unreliable ally, so do not trust them and act rashly. They can act as a guide to action.

When you receive the email, which causes irritation, anxiety or anger, I can type the answer and send: save in drafts. let it sit for a few hours or even a whole day.

By the time I again will take him, my mood Elevator would be on another floor and will be easier to notice the negative thoughts that I had the temerity to Express. Sometimes in such cases, I erase the answer and write anew; sometimes, carefully edit the previous version, vymaryvaya irritation and criticism, and then press the “send”button.

On what we can tell loved ones in a bad mood, control the situation is somewhat more complicated than with letters. Relying on technology is impossible – you have to learn to think about words and to act prudently so as not to slander or not to do something that will cause pain.

Bernadette and I met in the 1970s when bloomed movement for human development*. The conventional wisdom in relations was limited to the following ideas: “don’t be afraid to tell the truth”, “Tell it like it is, without reserve” and “don’t go to sleep until you talk”. I remember there were several situations when we stayed up all night were fighting over something that — as it seems after years it was not worth the time nor effort.

When we better understand how the brain, Bernadette suggested a new important rule: don’t discuss serious issues, if at least one of us is in a bad mood. and, you know, the consequences were not long in coming. This is one reason why today we have such a wonderful relationship, full of tenderness and respect. We face difficulties and deal with them honestly and openly, but do so only in a good mood.

If you’re wondering how we do it, for example here’s our conversation.

Larry: “You seem upset about something. You want to talk?”

Bernadette: “No, I don’t now. Thought some putative. If you want to talk, I’ll let you know”.

In the character of Bernadette to wait a few hours or even a day, until it again will not be in a good mood. Sometimes the problem that was bothering her, dissolves itself, and the reason for the changed mood. But sometimes, she still needed to discuss the situation. and then we find the solution quite easily, almost in the style of “Oh, by the way…”.

I admit, at first I was concerned because from our conversation and again I felt great. But now I see that instead we got a genuinely tender relationship in which debate and swearing, damaging a couple.

Bad mood – drive carefully

As I said, our son Logan is well versed in this philosophy. He relaxed the mind, but, like everyone, sometimes there are downs: leans a lot of homework or just a day is not specified. When this happens, he said, “just leave me alone. Now don’t try to talk to me, because I will not hear what you want to convey, and he can say too much. Let me go to my room and stay there until you return to normal?”. Many adults have much to learn.

When we were talking about ways to deal with bad mood, one of our consultants at Senn Delaney came up with a great metaphor.

Imagine you’re in the dark cold night on a slippery road. Of course you do — but you need to act with extreme caution. You need to go slowly, gently turning and keeping distance between their car and other road users.

If your mood is at zero, apply the same principle when dealing with others. Remember that at this point, the instincts are your best assistants. and now is not a good time to tell people what you really think about it, to make a vital choice or to solve a serious task. Wait till you get back to normal, and mood Elevator will once again be on the upper floors, and you will realize that it is much faster and more efficiently unable to cope with any problem.

Skillful use of the principles of operation of the mood Elevator and conscious refusal to take a decision in a bad mood — one of the key principles of healthy behaviour. so you don’t cause harm to themselves or others.

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