Three years ago designer Natalia Burdina read in the “Premire” of the Buryat orphan boy with liver transplant and decided to adopt him. As the family lives now, how it feels to Ayur and why should not be afraid of adopting a child, – “Pravmiru” says foster mom Ayura Natalia.
Natalia with RAL
- Rescued baby really needs a family!
- How to help the little RAL
- The secret life of a young boy named RAL
- Sergey Gaultier: the History of RAL – a great social victory
- Sergey Gaultier: a boy’s Life we saved, and now he needs a family!
Ayura was preparing to transfer to the orphanage, and we miraculously found him
– Natalia, how was this decision made?
Almost three years ago I saw a Facebook post about the RAL and, of course, drew attention to his picture – it was impossible not to notice it. I did repost and 10 minutes later came back again to look at this boy and can read the material on “Pravmir”. I told my husband, Andrew, what we need to do something to help this baby, and then immediately the idea was born to adopt him.
The next day I called the Center. Shumakova and talk to your doctor Ayura, I needed to know if I will be able to cope with caring for him. The doctor said that if you follow certain rules, the difficulties should not be. Actually, it is. One day later, Andrei and I went to meet RAL. It was already preparing to transfer to the orphanage of Saint Petersburg, we miraculously managed to catch. For me it was touching and at the same time very scary.
And some background to the decision to adopt a child was?
– Absolutely no. It seemed to me that there’s a lot I have in life that it can share its accumulated strength. I felt very confident, I knew I had achieved a lot – and in a career and family – I have grown children and I have a lot of energy, free time, financial capacity, managerial resources, and I have to share.
I, myself, 13 years ago was the experience of a very serious disease, the year I was in the hospital, almost completely removed the right lung. The struggle for life was severe, but the disease has receded. I especially do not talk about it, but once a year, the day of struggle with tuberculosis, to publicly appeal to all with an appeal to pass the examination. Itself annually pass examination.
24 Mar 2017 ·
Since then it has been 12 years and it was a very interesting time of my life, I have no regrets, neither about one day. Only because I’ve had quite an ordeal, I really am. Then I fought hard, but lost disease right lung. I spent a year in hospital with an uncertain future, and someone we did not come out. I was sitting in the library (we have no Internet then was not), I negotiated with the civilization that settled in my body, every day I did exercises, walked a lot, ate and slept on schedule. And drank buckets of pills.
When you know the diagnosis, upside down falling in a meat grinder horror and fight there among the blades and knives for two months until you know more, will not accept and will not accept, “Well, and the Czechs, in the end, sick. And Chopin. Not the last people. And Turgenev girl all pootkryvali for the same reason. Well, hard too, well they, well, don’t people?”
But every time I was asked what I was sick and where was taken the year I came up with something involving aliens and star dust.
And only five years later, I was able to talk about it openly, that I suffered from a severe form of pulmonary tuberculosis. Every year March 24 is world day against tuberculosis. Every year the disease kills around 1.6 million people. Every year I remind you that you need to do x-rays. Be healthy and take care of yourself.
Then, 13 years ago, I left the hospital without warranty of any kind, as I say, let me go “walk”. And for a long time I felt that I should thank life for it. At the hospital, I saw children there who long lay in General is a sad place, very sad it was, especially to children.
And when I saw the RAL, everything came together and my unspent potential, and a sense of brotherhood, he’s also suffered a very serious illness, and everything. And I began to collect documents.
Now I understand that it was going to happen, even my marriage to Andrew was like predator to meet RAL. Andrew, now ex-husband, he needed support. He tried to solve his problems was a series of rehabilitation programs and the first time worked quite successfully. But still it is not sdyuzhil, not enough will to live, he was able to return to their unhealthy state. He just fizzled out.
– How did this happen?
– At me the moment came when I realized that I need to save themselves and the RAL, or to carry on a Andrew. And I started not just physical fatigue but also emotional depletion. I realized that our marriage is “rusty tram”, not only is he not going anywhere, but for me, besides ruining. Had to make some difficult choices.
The daughter said, “Mom, what the hell was that?!”
– How did the adoption family?
– It was a big problem. Today, it’s all good, all love Ayura, my mum Dotes on him. But then she said, “you Know what it is – it is not like you. There is a stereotype that if you adopt a child, you have to pretend that he’s yours.” And I even thought that someone interested that he is not like me. “And then,’ continued the mother, is like a little child, and he has a disability. It’s a big responsibility! You have so much work, and how you’re going to fall, it is unclear”. And for all these items the mother was absolutely right.
My daughter Mila, she was only 15 years old, said, “Mom, what the hell was that?!” That is, it is this idea totally enjoyed. It is now and then very wants me all to herself. She made me very jealous. Mila – the girl with the character and just fixing intrigues me – she understood that she has the legal leverage, and refused to sign the consent. I knew it was just a misunderstanding, because Mila is a good girl. And I was ready to involve psychologists PDS (school of adoptive parents), but she relented, but it was still a lot of skepticism, such as: “well, Well! Look!”
But the son Daniel accepted my idea immediately, he was then 20 years old. He was the first person with whom I had shared. And he said literally this: “Mom, I’m proud of you. It is an act. I will support you”. And indeed it is. He lives alone, but when we see each other at the cottage, Daniel and pills to RAL give, and a pot for him to make and keep your nose clean, change, and feed-water. Daniel is a thoughtful, deep person, and this event in our family, he took very seriously.
My mother now loves Ayura, and after sharing the weekend it comes completely spoiled because he did not know failure in anything!
We in the suburbs have a big house with a huge garden. And I dream that we will live not only in summer but all year round. All the neighbors Ayura always welcome, say something nice, and I understand that for them it was a great experience.
Once we met a taxi driver, he was a Kalmyk by nationality, they are also Buddhists and relatives drilled. He is also very serious about Ayu, and I he left his position, now he often writes us a warm fatherly text messages – where you can go to RAL, where some are national events.
Someday I will write a book about taxi drivers. Sometimes they are repeated, already know the RAL, they say that grew. And, I repeat, was not the case that at LEAST ONE not asked right or something crooked about what Ayur doesn’t look like me. Sometimes I tell the story of RAL, but most dismiss that her husband drilled. This files most often for “their” RAL take Kirghiz and Kalmyks. Sometimes the Uzbeks, at least – Tajiks. We drilled in a taxi I’ve never met.
Today we drove Kalmykia Valery. He took us out Shumakova, Ayur was as usual covered in bandages, a conversation ensued very quickly. By the end of the trip, I learned a lot about the history of the “Mongolian branch of” Mongolian spot, gave me the phone of the Abbot of a Buddhist temple in Moscow, I learned a lot!
Ayura Valery just got eaten, when we got there. Gave him (torn from the glass) all of the bears that adorned his car. Wished good luck, health and suggested not to judge people by one woman who left the baby. We said, not like that. And I did not judge. Buddhists are going to visit now.
Well, there is Facebook, it turns out, there is a whole community “Buryats in Moscow,” Yes, we communicate not only with Moscow and Ulan-Ude and Germany. It is very important to Ayur lived in the context of their ethnicity, knew the culture, learned the language.
– People often ask why the son does not look like you? Generally, it happens that it is treated as a minority?
– Different people, for me there is a clear waterline: delicate sensitive people on this subject do not say anything, but others allow themselves to ask any question. It does not hurt, but sometimes tiring – I’m answering these questions at least once a day. It is sometimes said that husband – drilled, sometimes that Ayur adopted son.
Natalia Burdina with RAL Burdin.
March 2, 2017 ·
Every, absolutely every taxi driver asks me if the child is mine. Short answer is that my husband drilled. Today a woman in a cafe at Cross+Studio asked a question (but decent), what is Ayur nationality. And then she, apparently, pistils and stamens in the head could not agree, she asked seven additional questions about the crossing of Mongoloids with Caucasoids. I replied that I am a Polish Jew from Austria, who miraculously survived during the years of fascism, my husband is Japanese, took me secretly to herself in Kyoto. There the Lord gave me Ayura nine months later. The woman stopped chewing, put down his book.
The other day housemate insisted, why didn’t I take Russian, and wildly surprised that Buryatia is lake Baikal, and Ulan-Ude in Mongolia.
Hang in there, Aurich, we have to answer many questions on this topic. While you can’t speak, I’ll teach you to silently lend a hand with the middle finger up.
Ayur himself still does not understand that looks different from the others. But, in principle, in Moscow, a lot of people with Asian appearance, so I do not think that the RAL problem with it. After the adoption the birth certificate he now says that he was born in Moscow.
On 25 July 2017. ·
Today was very tough day. Heavy and sticky, like Linden trees in our yard that dirtied the entire machine stringy drops of syrup. I’m exhausted in a mess, food is such a stone-cotton in the garden for a RAL. The output is a lot older band saws. Ayur yanked them – he is a master of communication. Suddenly I hear the word “Chinese”. Addressed To The RAL. Quietly, but quite clearly says a girl of about five, then again and again. The second girl picks up the recitative. Ayur is not blowing at us, I feel fatigue through the irritation and the desire to give the girl in the eye. So she rolled in the flower bed.
I look at her face, she looked at me, continues to chant his mantra. At that moment I had no idea how to react. Yes, I have them now, of ideas, no. What to do in such situations. Where actors – children, where tact has not yet Vysokomol where guided by simple reactions. I powersaw eyes, grabbed Ayu’s hand and walked toward the exit, not finding the words, arguments. What would you do?
Also very important, as we, his family, will serve. We have a clearly formed position – we believe our external differences within the family norm, and when Ayur grow up and understand everything, he will take it easy.
The big man just yet small
– Was there a: Oh, what have I done?
– No. Although, of course, the first time was very difficult. I was tired, frustrated, could not bear emotionally. I’m not very fond of different psychological theories, think, what to feel and think with the heart. It seems to me that all the power within the individual and it works for me.
– What was the most difficult organizationally, in human terms?
The RAL was little more than a year, when we took him to the family, but in physical development, he was far behind, matched in age by about six months-eight. He slept badly, took an incredible number of pills every two hours! Physically it was very difficult.
– How varied Ayur?
– At first he was very flexible, he was not his opinion, he replied obedient consent. And for us it was great news that he’s a guy with character! He is now the man. Moreover, the role of woman and mother he respects, but you can see he always told me everything divides into two. (Laughs.)
The RAL is still a little life, but so much has just changed! I remember stepping the equator, when the family he spent more time than in an orphanage.
Now Ayur feels safe, moreover, he is confident that he is the center of the universe, he is very open and thankful world, and I am very pleased. He’s obviously a big man, but still small. He understands everything, he has a very deep knowledge of life and wisdom, so it is awkward to communicate with the baby. This is not mysticism, it’s proven by very many examples.
On April 12, 2016
Ayur began to help around the house! Every morning he throws in the trash your night diaper and helps to hang up clothes – takes some of their stuff. However, if you don’t keep track, he deftly performs the reverse process – pulls out a diaper and something at his discretion and removes the underwear back. But the first part just umilitelny!
Ayur is very conscious, knows all about safety, watching everything around. Besides, he learned to cope with their problems – for example, he get stomach aches due to gas, usually children at this moment are complaining, and Ayur doing exercises – rolls, raises and lowers the handle, and feel better.
He clearly respects the mode – if I’m distracted, he puts on a diaper, pajamas, and he goes to bed. Know that in the Elevator before you go adult, and never first is not. And he is a real man always holds the door, helps me when we go someplace, he gets my shoes. It all helps me. Is this some kind of built-in maturity.
– It’s all very convenient!
– Yes, I agree. (Laughs.) It is evident that he was faced with such difficulties in life that get stung on some kind of like being stuck in an Elevator or proxemics door is just silly. He has some incredibly disruptive life force. I even think that it all happened for a reason, he has attracted many people and transplant surgeon Sergei Gautier, and you, Tamara (first author of the article “Pravmir” on RAL was also Tamara Amelina – approx. ed.). Pulled me and many people.
He has absolute confidence that everyone loves him. He’s talking to. Stand with him at the checkout, he takes the car, there’s always the toys that children are begging, we have 500 of these cars, he understands that I’m not buying. Looks around, sees his uncle and shows him – say, Oh, so you want a machine. And uncle, of course, says: “let me buy you a typewriter?” Here it all! Great Communicator.
Think he has the right to lag behind in development
– Does he have developmental delays?
– We need to understand about the disease of Ayu. Before a liver transplant he actually died – was yellow, thin, almost did not eat or drink. And after a liver transplant three months he was alone in the house, all came to him only in disguise, it is clear that this was due to necessity.
Ayur yet speaks few words, but I’m not particularly worried, yet the RAL disease took a whole year! He began to walk in a year and seven months. But he completely understands everything, and I’m sure he’s about to speak. Ayur goes to kindergarten, although initially there were warnings of doctors that he can’t go to preschool because of immunosuppression, but practice has shown that the fears were exaggerated, and Ayur is hurting, visiting the garden. Of course, we try not to use public transport, not go to crowded places.
May 10 20:04
The RAL in the garden was given a characteristic to pass the Commission and future enrollment in a speech therapy group. Characteristics such boorish that she’s gone, I her hearts broke. It is reported that he is in all respects whether a vegetable or a mushroom. Antisocial, prevents the children in the classroom, does not understand it, a mathematical representation is missing, the visual representation is missing, of the favorite games is to throw toys. And there’s a lot more then.
Or they for six months did not understand anything about the child, or they serve on the Commission with false information. And who tries to read anything more than two, and who knows all the colors and how it can respond to different questions? And who can dress himself and puts his LEGO tower? And who knows a lot of letters? And who knows your name and shows age?
I do not deny that problems exist, but described simply unfair.
No more commissions, private speech therapist, and when I decide to. What the hell. It’s lucky that I read it only at home and not in the garden, would fly in their paper.
Problems with speech, of course. But Ayu’s been through so much in my life that I really want to keep. It all handles are pierced with tracks – the blood taken a million times! I don’t want any additional meetings with doctors, teachers, psychologists. He, I believe, has the right to lag behind in development. His age “minus one year” actually. Me, mom, see what he develops, I see progress. And no need to worry. When I see an opening – I will connect professionals.
– RAL’s nothing annoying?
Nothing. I like the smell, I like kissing him in a double top. I will now make a serious confession: I have no special tender suffocating motherhood. I just all of his children very much, I will tear anyone, I understand that they need to be fed, prigotovleny. There is a physiological level, when clearly understood: friend or foe. I don’t know about others, but we all safely passed. My mom loves to squeeze and saying: “Well, he’s ours!”
– What are his manifest abilities, aptitudes?
– Ayur loves to act. Does not like to move a lot, and not because he is weak physically, he just is. But to play football like, if you have the ability to drive the ball, does it with pleasure. He likes to portray Superman must have seen the cartoons. Imagine how he would recite poetry!
And RAL’s sense of humor, but they say the Buryats all humorous. This again emphasizes how the Buryat culture is deeply sewn into the blood of this boy. Loves to listen to Buryat tales, music.
He loves to swim in the pool. In the winter we went to Turkey, it was his first trip abroad, and there he loved the water, just did not get out of the pool. Before he was afraid to wash my hair, although, of course, he has a special soft baby shampoos, and after Turkey he douses himself out of the shower and in the garden having fun in the pool.
At all enough love, warmth and soup
– Why are you writing so much on Facebook about RAL? He even has his own page on FB, a lot of followers.
For people not afraid of orphans. To RAL receiving parenting was for me like a parallel universe, I never pictured myself inside of her. And now things are going very happily and harmoniously, Ayur entered the picture my world. I would really like to my example, my experience has helped someone. After my illness I’m not afraid to live and not afraid to make decisions. And what’s so special about adoption? At all enough love, warmth and soup.
And second – I need the support of the people. It is important to me that our history is supported by many of my friends.
And if you declare mother Ayura?
I know that the mother of the RAL – is still a young girl that her birth son was not her husband. She probably weighed or in hospital or in the family.
I wish she appeared in the life of a RAL. I don’t blame her, but I can’t believe that a woman will always abandon his son and never regretted. Of course, it may not be quite as I imagine it, but I’m ready for her appearance. I am very grateful to the school of adoptive parents, there is a lot talked about this. I first beat his chest – what can you tell me the new, I raised two children. But really I got there a lot in all aspects.
In the RAL I do not notice any special effects from staying in the orphanage, he had no fears. On the contrary, he is very open to the world. And it gives the world a lot.
– What gave you this story?
I understand that the “pot boil” is not yet over. And I need to do something else. Not sure I will take more children, I understand that should I at all be enough in the first place in ordinary everyday terms. But it is possible that I have a broader social mission, I might start a Foundation.
I already have a project working with orphans. I understand that the manners is serious and how difficult this is, but I feel that the strength is sufficient. And I am interested in the mentoring program is for children who are on release from children’s homes and who are in need of social adaptation.
I have a very good instinct of self-preservation, I never starve, I know how to make, recently after I went into private practice – lectures to corporate clients, advise and develop the collection. The state of the companies I work with don’t want. I don’t want to waste my life, time, resource to the service of someone else’s ideas, in fact I’ve got my own!
To part was hard, this is like family to me, everything is good, over the years we became great friends, but that period is over for me. It also links in a chain, it’s as inevitable as all that happens with me. The time has come when I have more important things to do is to go forward on schedule.
July 9, 2017. ·
Held there is an uncomfortable conversation for me about what exactly my life is like a pas de Deux hard date ballerina on a couple of the unlucky sudbino: men, names, early children and now “the boy from Ulan-Ude”. I’m not lazy and got out the calculator. Well, I can’t multiply 365 by 42. So, all fifteen and a half thousand days of my life was sincerely my favorite day. And neither one of them I’m not sorry, and neither one of them I would have refused. And your children and wish the same merry dance. Otherwise why.
Photo Yefim Aramana and from the family archive