“It’s for large families or for mere mortals?” – what is dangerous and what a wonderful mother’s Day

Motherhood is the only in the universe of a phenomenon that is impossible to measure either quantitatively or qualitatively. The only thing we can know about it is that it is Holy. Hence, “gave birth to 12 children/grown honest person/gave the Church pastor/gave children a good education” – all is not well is not capable of these specifications to describe specific maternal destiny. And especially, motherhood is not about numbers. So what units should be measured maternal labor, can the admiration of many children to offend the usual mothers – Day mother says the mother of three children Svetlana Ustimenko.

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On the border mamsky camps

Svetlana Ustimenko

I – mom-pogranichnitsa. No, I don’t wear epaulettes. And, imagine, it’s not about his mental status. Talking about something else. As a mother of three children, I kind of belong to two planes. And in the world many children, and among the ordinary mothers I equally recognize as his own, and with equal confidence believe me it is extremely flattering.

And I know between these worlds I clearly notice a huge number of problems. Needless to motherhood today, unfortunately, artificially divided into two camps outlined above. And sometimes it begins to seem that the main enemy of the modern mother… – another mother.

“Guys, why not invited?!” – ask a young, well-known couple with one child. “Yes well you three was probably used once!” – responsible of the young.

“There’s mom from your class going” – say in the school yard is very large girlfriend while we are together expect the release of children. Here the answer at all puts me on the spot: “Yes, what to say to them?! They all had one child!”

“His son was in summer camp?” – I am interested in mom of a classmate of his youngest child. She shrugs and says that primarily to enroll children from large families, not “mere mortals”.

Here, I can’t say much about that “mere mortals”. So often women say, having one or two children when they want to show their innocence to the unfamiliar and partly – privileged in their understanding of the world many children.

I had to observe the situation when women guiltily admitted that they are not a kind of star “parent of the podium”, and a mediocre mother of two children. Or quietly departed from the point of providing any benefits, making sure that they don’t rely.

I always get flustered if you get to witness these episodes, I don’t know how to react. In fact, as I understand, many children never take the other families, neither in material, nor in moral terms. Just use put them small privileges. And then not always.

“But whence, then, these complexes and insecurities of ordinary mothers?! – I ask myself. – Why does today have to apologize for the fact that you have only two?!”

Exactly the same way as ten years ago many children had to “repent” of their large families!

Family Ustimenko. Photo Of Boris Ovsyannikov

Raising a single, but involved in many

Different pace of life, different angles of view on upbringing and education, different daily routines and different organization of the economy – all this makes families with two or eight children is indeed very different from each other.

This difference, at times obstructing communication, you just have to get used to. And the main question is how this difference is to turn into a healthy constructive force. Because we have no schools, where would be separately studied children from large families and small families, there are no special shops for large families, we all breathe the same air, I pray in the same temples. And then everyone before the eyes of many examples – both positive and negative.

It’s a shame that when the environment moms do the tensions, all the time forget about the usual tact, the ability to take into account the realities of the other.

Many children, for example, accused the regulars of class chat rooms and school halls in idleness, “we have your problems, we solve problems on a national scale – the issues of population!”

On the other hand, the mothers in the various groups and parent communities often are to understand their role in this community will be very unfortunate, it is not recommended to butt in.

However, there are positive examples of coexistence mum. For example, my close friend, a parishioner of our Church, government does not solve problems, raise only one son. But in total she was involved in the education of at least 30 kids! Works in Sunday school, charity tutoring… and almost every day she hurries to help any friend with a certain number of children. To babysit, to school, to accompany the temple. I even name to this phenomenon have come up with – “maternal inclusion”.

And I think it is right to engage in the lives of other moms, look for one that needs help now, or one that itself can share with you my experience.

“This day we approached, as could”

With the approach of bringing together such a romantic holiday like mother’s Day, the confusion becomes even more convex. So it turns out we have – the main and sometimes the only culprits of the festivities that day be the mother of many children.

Pompous receptions in the government, concerts and celebrations in our parishes, everywhere in the spotlight of those who bring up ten, five children, well three at least. About the many children they say from the pulpit, the theme of the large family of solute in the General pathos of the occasion. But is it right?

Today, as in former Soviet times, there are leaderboards, one does not negate the practice of awarding “drummers”. And here, too, the women soldiers, just from the workshop of motherhood. Do not forget that pregnancy and childbirth is like riding on a dangerous road. At any time the “opposite” might pop up virus, trauma, stress. Went on a flight one time – character.

Well, if she’s driving for the 12th time? How can you not mention it particularly?! Or is there, on mother’s Day, all are equal! Others will be hurt! Let quickly sit down with the bouquet in the hall, delaying the queue.

Which approach – or rather, egalitarian or individual? I’m assuming not. And you know why? Yes, because motherhood is the only in the universe of a phenomenon that is impossible to measure either quantitatively or qualitatively. The only thing we can know about it is that it is Holy.

Hence, “gave birth to 12 children/grown honest person/gave the Church pastor/gave children a good education” – all is not well is not capable of these specifications to describe specific maternal destiny.

Yes, mothers all over the more vulnerable. They are always in sight, they are physically nowhere to hide with a bunch of schoolbags in hand with bags of which stick out 14 loaves for lunch and dinner. The slightest misstep of their children, too, are seen as through a magnifying glass.

But still we celebrate this day not demographic records. Celebrate the joy, courage, happiness, a spark in the eyes, confidence that you are in place, the ability to thank God for my family.

And, of course, all of this may be inherent not only to mothers of large families.

The mother of 10 healthy children and the mother of an only child with a disability is two equal feat. The same can be said about the work of women who have dedicated themselves without reserve to the husband and children, and work to that, along with education, writing a thesis. Daily or standing at the operating table, or conducts rehabilitation for “special” children. Because this is our holiday show is different, but equally happy motherhood.

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