Last will and Testament of the head physician of the First Moscow hospice Faith Millionshikova

8 years ago passed away the chief physician of the First Moscow hospice Vera millionshchikova. The family gave her “spiritual Testament” only in the hands of the correspondent “New” Zoe Eroshok.

Photo: ria.ru

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Dear Faith!

Ts often repeated: “we must Live today. Not everyone has a tomorrow.” Forty days ago tomorrow is not the you.

You started with obstetrics, and ended with the hospice. He admitted: “When I most realized this fact, I said, “No shit myself!”

You said: “Life is the path to death.” But the way you loved life and only life. Believed that death is always scary.

On Monday morning you spent in the hospice conference, where they discussed all the: how many patients in the hospital who died, how it happened, how you survived the relatives, than we can help. And then someone on your staff did speak about psychology, or about the hospice experience in the West, or even about something non-medical that you loved in medicine that is non-medical. And here on December 20 last year, next Monday, as I told your daughter Nuta*, you went to work and got stuck in traffic, and you said Nuth: “OK, we’ll call you and tell had a conference without me. I wrote the lyrics. But it is impossible to crumple. Next time read”. The next morning you died.

A week later, Nut have you found this text. At first I did not want anybody to see. Then I decided to give it to me. Said: “Mom you trust”.

Dear Faith! I understand that you prepared the text for the conference. You’re not going to die. You really wanted to live. But today, this is your text is perceived as the will. Yours, Faith, a will to the hospice. And not just the hospice.

And here’s something else. You, Faith, not really know how to praise. You praised the staff, but often this strategic praise: here it is necessary to praise, to support. But cursed you are very good, structurally. And solely because of the exorbitant responsibility and conscience. You because of your swearing, you know, was worried and wanted immediately after the meeting of this New year to collect himself in his office all the employees and talk to them lovingly, that’s absolutely not ragousis. Not yet. But I think they still know that you love them. We always know when we are loved.

Well, enough preamble, now the word to you, Faith.

Vera MILLIONSHCHIKOVA

The fire is burning in the eyes of young people
But light shines from senile eye.
Victor Hugo

I want to tell you, I now it is hard to work with you. Me that created this hospice and all that fills it: from the commandments to their fulfillment, to the staff, that is, all of you.

I am 68 years old, I’m sick, sick with a chronic illness, which is treatable. I really find it hard to realize that I am not old: I can’t climb into the attic and out the roof, can’t run up or headlong down the stairs, can’t just pop in at any time of the day at the hospice can’t do a bypass, to show you one of the patients is uncomfortable for him there is a table that the patient is uncomfortable, that he has conjunctivitis, stomatitis, dry skin needs not only to top up*, but two or three times a day treating your skin with body cream, not in the pockets of his robe for each of you that you forget to brush of patients in the morning and during the day, and that the unshaven man, your bobble.

What here it is necessary to remove necrotic material from pressure sore more and laparocentesis* or thoracocentesis* still too early to do that listen to weak breathing in the lower divisions is tomorrow pneumonia, and urgently needs a long time (all day) to turn the patient to do breathing exercises; the raw, the nails on the hands and feet of your laziness that the smell from the body is not for sickness and old age, and the fact that you didn’t wash the patient; that sitting next to a relative of the patient is not using you as a helper you are unable to take its work is useful, etc.

On-location service — I’m not going to follow-up visit, not calling back to relatives. I am reflective, I am physically unable to do so and age, and disease. And it turns out that in the work I saw well, 10-12 people from the staff, and all late comers must either believe “old people” the word about the former Faith, or to think that she’s just “Karas-idealist”, which is the conferences only read morality. Fair? No. Because among you there are enough people who know it all, but everyone expects me to go back to that. I will not. I have another stage of life.

I can’t burn — it’s unnatural. I can Shine a soft long light, knowing that I was in the hospice there are students, assistants. And when my assistants are aware of this, as I think I am aware of, the hospice will remain at the proper height. And if you are not aware — there will come a people who do not believe the words, unsupported by deeds, and the hospice will be transformed: the staff will all cynical, hypocritical, deceitful, krystee. Well, some time still will live coasting on its former reputation and… over.

This should not happen. Nothing in the hospice should not sink into Oblivion, be lost. You have to understand that my role now is different — I have to be and you have to carry. Love and good. That everything done in the hospice — not the words, it’s an action thing. And it should continue. Continue naturally, sincerely, with love, friendly, with the understanding that all will be there and that serving the patient is our future. As we are with them and with us. I bring you profound gratitude for the joy of cooperation, bring all with whom you work a decade or a little less. I apologize to those who have not seen me work before, and only hear words, nepodkreplyaemaya. I want you to go to work with pleasure, no matter how heavy it was. I want to work left all those (hope they are not or they are negligible), who does not believe hospisam commandments and whose words with deeds, who is cynical and believes that everything I proclaim hospice — empty words.

I believe that what I have said today, is not perceived by you as a farewell or, God forbid, accepting my defeat. I believe that everything I have said, is a call to action to ensure that the hospice never entered uninvited guests — the lies, cynicism, hypocrisy.

__________

*Nut (Anna Federmesser) – the youngest daughter of Faith Millionshikova, President of the hospice charity Fund “Vera”
*refill — dehydration to put an IV
*laparocentesis is the removal of fluid from the abdominal cavity
*thoracocentesis is the removal of fluid from the pleural cavity

Prepared Zoya Eroshok, the New paper

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