“No money, her husband left her with three children why give birth?” – 3 stories mom in distress

“Mother in a difficult life situation” is unemployment with a newborn baby, domestic violence and tyranny of the husband, the condemnation of others, ready to spit out the evil: “why give birth?”. The staff of the St. Petersburg charitable Foundation “Warm house” not just convinced that the time spoken a kind word and the ability to talk can be life changing. A little support and lack of condemnation – and my mother would kill myself, the child will not be in an orphanage, for one devastated family in the world will be less.

Photo: domgdeteplo.ru

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Irina: it was Possible to come, to cry, and easier

— We were OK, but three years ago, one day, everything changed. Misfortune: our dad, the middle child, and mother-in-law had an accident, all seriously injured. The husband took the baby to the clinic to be tested for kindergarten, and five minutes later I got a call: “Call an ambulance”. They drove away into traffic. Thank God that the elder son sat down in the car. Just woke up and said, “I’m in school I’ll walk”. The place in the car where he usually went, was demolished completely. No matter how much time has passed, I still hard to talk about it.

All three were in different hospitals. Dad’s face is all torn down, my daughter knocked the upper jaw and teeth. Mother-in-law is also very seriously affected. And we are left without a breadwinner. We had just returned from vacation, was without money.

I managed to finish breastfeeding third child, two weeks, as completed, until then, refused the decree for the summer and worked all summer at camp, all the children were with me. Money was needed, so I worked. And here there was such situation.

I immediately asked for help, but then I came to this, that we have food at home was not. No money, credit, hung on the phone to the child and a TV. Dad outside really was. Of the relatives of my mother and sister. Sister’s many children, she just could not help.

My mom at that time 70 years. I spent the day with the average child in the hospital, and mother sat with the baby at my house, so that helped. I’m only home for the night returned at 11 o’clock, and at 8 a.m. was already in the hospital again. I have three, my sister at that time was three, mother money, we could not help, her pension would not suffice.

Senior at this time 11th grade ended, he had the exam, I had a parent meeting not to go was impossible. In school, teachers aren’t going to tell you what happened, it was easier to come to hear what they say, and leave.

Irina

I went to work to her husband for help, and even debt hung. The car which they got in a car accident, were working, new. She did not have time to take out insurance. It’s the first day after the holiday sat behind the wheel. And not financially able to help us with the entire salary, minus some cents left in the account of this machine.

I cried then, of course, a lot. Then I think: “Let me open the Internet and see if I can who will help.”

Looking for help for the mothers, my children then it was 9 months, 6 years and 16 years. And I did not know that there are some funds assistance, even in thoughts was not. I found “Warm house”. Them big thanks!

The child I was in the hospital for three weeks, then was cast in the mouth of two months. Mouth not fully closed, and she couldn’t talk, only their eyes and hands showed.

In the Fund we started to go to classes once a week. In the garden we could not walk: she can not speak, the mouth is not closed, not visually very nice as Capa mouth is. And constantly drooling because the mouth all the time outdoor. And here are the family gathered, which is also a difficult situation, and each with its own, no finger pokes, no indicates the child some not so. Tightness still there.

We did not go anywhere, was at home on sick leave. I spoke with a psychologist and asked a psychologist for Julia because she was having problems in therapy. She learned to speak with this cast some sounds. And then the body only used, the plaster was removed, and it again had to re-learn. And in the “Warm house” we had a very good therapist, she worked individually for two years, Julia went to her. Satisfied I was very.

They invited us to tour the Holy places for one day, and I was happy to go with the average daughter – to get some fresh air, exhale. Straight from the heart was relieved. And you know, it’s all on yourself taschisch, got – a no-win situation.

The Foundation staff with any question can be approached. I came to them crying. My husband and I had a disagreement, the money in the family there, he did a penny didn’t bring, everything on the car was gone. I am at work can not go, because I have a small child and in the nursery it has not take. All to feed, all necessary credit. And we have no money for food.

We came once a week to the Fund, they were given a map of “Tape” for 300 rubles. And it saved. I can say that us three hundred rubles for the whole week for five wonderful enough. It seems nonsense, but when this is the situation, you go to the store and clearly know what to buy.

I thought we can’t live on it, but no, it’s fine. I bought one carrot, two beets, potatoes, all together 30 rubles. The soup is already there. And it’s better than nothing.

On children’s money I also bought food. Never went everywhere on foot went. To Fund we had about forty minutes with a stroller.

We went there two years until the child turned three. I “Warm home” is very rewarding: they can come, to cry, and easier. Because crying mother, she still morals involved. She understands everything, but still something my husband accuses me all the blame. And sometimes just want to cry.

And yet, it is usually said that trouble rallies, but in our situation turned out differently. We now live without dad. He is like a father – good, lives in the country, but come here every day, collects children to school and kindergarten and he always walks. I am only pigtails braids girls. I’m on my way home from work, all take. Work half-day on a reduced schedule and come home. It is hard financially, but we quietly live.

Irina

Know eat anyway I want, without food we cannot live. But more importantly, having someone with whom you can open in your grief, he will not judge you. Just help, and in return ask nothing. Here come I, said: “I feel bad”, and I said, “Sit down, drink some tea and talk”. When there’s someone to talk to, and no way he won’t judge you, even if you are not right. We all are wrong.

Zoe: This is the “Warm house” me out of the abortion dissuaded

— I came to the “Warm house” four years ago, when my second child was very young, we had five or six months. I had nowhere to live, nothing to feed the children, nothing was. It was a feeling… I thought they just going to give up, and all. I didn’t know how to get out of a situation.

I left my husband because he had wandering hands, to go to work with a baby could not. Stalled full. First lived in the crisis center three months after I had to rent a room. The first month I paid, then I started to expel a child, again, had nowhere to go, my girl friend sheltered. And every month so we had somewhere with things, and two children go, a permanent home was not. It was very painful. My mother is the invalid of the second group, she has a diagnosis of schizophrenia, to help me with my children she can’t, there’s no hope. There is no father.

I was looking for a place to go to live, another crisis center. But I didn’t have temporary registration, we hadn’t taken a single centre in addition to a single. This “Light of hope” which takes without registration. But we lived there for three months, and all longer no longer wanted me there was hard.

Then I started to rent a room. I found a job: on the street with a stroller was delivering business cards about computer help to make this room. Paid 500 rubles a day, winter, cold, me child, took a piece of the district in which she lived, and just spread on the entrances of these business cards. Older take to school in the first grade and daughter went.

When looking for a crisis centre, a man told me about the “Warm house”, there you can take food, diapers. We needed then, I have enough money to pay for housing: I put these 10 thousand, plus a child allowance, and everything. On food, on clothing already has a child in school, collect all.

Zoe

In the “Warm house” we put the products given help to the school to gather. The way they helped us, that is what we lived. And they still support us. It so happened that we had another child. My husband decided to come back to us. I thought he was serious, and it turned out he only needed documents: registration and residence permit, decided at my expense again to pass. I kicked him out, and then found out she was pregnant.

Decided not to have an abortion, I thought that if two coped in such situations, survived, with three of the more cope. This is my “Warm house” from abortion dissuaded: “you’ll be sorry”.

Of course, I shared with all the employees, told them not pull that hard for me. They said, “Better leave, we will help you as best we can”. I was at first hard: one need to go to school, the other in kindergarten, this chest, dragging him along in a wheelchair. But I have no regrets. It’s hard for me, I’m not arguing that with three kids one is hard, but on the contrary, they help me. The eldest one does, the other average, I’m not alone.

Trying to get temporary housing from the district administration. I have already issued a residence permit in St. Petersburg. But refuse to put in place. I’m in court now to prove that I live here for ten years. One trial I was lost, went to the city, still prove. Now applied for speczhilfond, I refused again. I burst into tears right there. We were even in the defense refused, don’t know on what grounds, on Wednesday I will clarify. They are a large family just threw out: “Go outside and what you want to do”. I am now with three children can not work, the youngest only a year in September, I have lessons at home so much, I fight with the administration, the courts did not get to go to work.

Now live in the room my stepdad, mom’s ex-boyfriend. He, of course, we registered and gave their temporary home, but sought out. And so, it is necessary or again to the crisis center to go, or move somewhere. I don’t want that, so I started with the administration to communicate, but they refused. I on the rights of the child went, and wherever they went, all for nothing. “Warm house” and this helps me, and with the courts..

In addition to Fund me, no one supports anymore, no one helps. Every week we say there that good has happened this week. So many problems like, and we’re looking for something good, it helps. We also discuss different situations – how to deal with children, think how best to proceed. “Warm house” is like a breath of fresh air to your problems. You can relax, just about anything not to think, to look at your life a little bit on the other side. And it gives a new chance, I know you’re not alone, that you can help.

I the social security authorities tried to threaten, saying that will take away my children, time I nothing to feed them. “Warm house” called them and asked: “On what grounds, the guardianship of the mother is threatened? Because she came to ask you for legal aid that it’s supposed to?”. The Foundation makes those things that we can’t handle.

The property, with all the officials is very difficult to talk, they say: “why are you in labor?”. Let’s all go to kill children, and then we regret it?

They themselves say: “give Birth to improve the situation in the country,” and then we hear: “Why did you give birth?”. I said it in plain text. They deny the benefit for a ridiculous reason, although know perfectly well that I have no money. I argued, and went above to the authorities, but they began to tell me that will take kids if I can’t feed them. Said so right in the face. Honestly? Every day, as war and battle for what you are entitled to by law. You’re not going to ask what you are not supposed to. Even have to court to fight. It is unclear what they were doing and why sitting there.

Most importantly, the children are not hungry, healthy, dressed, shod, housing would be more overhead, and all. I was upset today in the housing stock, immediately called in the Fund. I say: “Calm down, get a refusal, and we will think about how and what to do next, write a petition, go there and there”. I was told that if I get sick, it will be bad and my children. Support one warm word, what else do you need?

Nastya: We’re taught to negotiate with the children, not to command

— When a third child, and I went on maternity leave, was a loan and the money is not there. The financial situation was so severe, all familiar condemned, said: “Where? Not necessary, enough for two, where a third mouth.” I have to “Warm the house” didn’t hear me someone praised that I gave birth to a third child. That is, if rich people give birth, there is clear, and when poor people give birth, it is always condemned. I am a believer, myself silent, aggressive never responded, thought it was a private matter. Tried all with a smile to answer. We ourselves at first, maybe there was doubt, to give birth, but then, of course, it was gone.

We along with a woman walked into the courtyard of the monastery of Alexander Svirsky, and she long ago went to Warm home with a foster daughter, and I told them about. And I turned to them.

Nastya

We went in a group with the psychologist, were engaged, it was very interesting. There were talking about education, some contentious issues regarding how to behave in a situation with children, with lessons to be. A lot of interesting information there. Then another family group went, they were the employees themselves, are not psychologists, there the kids played different games and it brought us closer together.

Home-we don’t play, and then simply dissolved in each other, both drew together in outdoor games played. My older boys went to a joiner’s shop. There they it was very interesting hands to learn something from wood to do. Now in school lessons no, and then they was very happy with what they have been taught to make different. My oldest son, maybe even in the country the bench to do. It also gave a lot of things.

By the time we go there for 4 years. My kids are 15, 11 and five years younger. If it wasn’t “Warm home” and support our communication much more difficult would. I would have been more aggressive in challenging moments. When any financial difficulties, the children are broken. And so I became kinder.

Though I am already with the third baby came, but that experience I still was not, as I’m in the “Warm house” got. Here I learned a lot: how to do more with affection to educate, less to take it out on children, it gave me much. Older children I was more strictly educated, and younger already have a different look at all things. And it is easier for me to agree with him, we learned to negotiate with children rather than command: “I’m the chief, so, said, so be it”.

The eldest is now 15 years old, and adolescence, we can say that goes unnoticed, we agree with him, he is my assistant. We together have learned here. My guys are just waiting when we will go there again, they really liked that I interacted with them in outdoor games, and rode and thought. Oh, so cool!

We have been in Orthodox churches the trip, we went all together in the Novgorod, the Pskov region.

I myself have changed, a period of strong lack of money was to me much easier. Now I went to work, and all a little easier.

Support – when a kind word to say. And secondly – this is all the material, and clothing, and summer vacation.

There is not a word to say. In all moments we have helped. Now, maybe someone more in need of help, we after all now not so very needy. But if we were to invite, we, of course, classes will walk.

And things that someone donates, and we give them, it is also a great help. Now the school collected stationery, form of children, it is also a very big help. I work as a nurse at the hospital, the salary is small, still enough for food, but with three children still a lot required. Buy school uniform – it is, of course, the global spending.

I always praised, never condemned. Both managers and employees have always supported, I said that I – well, that children born. Nobody said that differently could be. Always been on my side.

Everyone can help. What will your money – here is a sample calculation:

200 rubles is a nutritious tea time after the class for one family with children living at risk of poverty

500 rubles – is one gift card of a supermarket, which the family experiencing financial difficulty, can buy products.

700 rubles – a pack of diapers for 10 days for mothers without means of livelihood, which brings up baby alone.

1000 rubles – this is a family holiday for a needy family of 3 people: for example, going to the theatre, Museum or circus.

5000 rubles – is the cost of maintenance and attendance in the Fund for one family having difficulties with the upbringing of children in difficult circumstances, during the month.

Learn about the Warm home you can on the website www.domgdeteplo.ru

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