Psychological advice. Where to begin with our problems?

Why people become alcoholics or drug addicts? Why do they become addicted, which leads them to this? Addressing this question, we need to clarify that the types of dependencies that have a negative impact on our lives can be different: it could be both alcoholism and dependency on another person – his behaviour and mood; and dependence on sex.

If, when you feel bad, you start eating chocolate or sweets, and this is repeated frequently, it is addictive. Addiction can be defined as a state when you do something that increases your mood, despite the fact that because of this in your life have problems. Almost everyone of us has its dependence. Today we offer you to ponder where to begin our dependencies.

As they say in a proverb: “we All come from childhood”. And any addiction is born in the family. Predisposition to a particular drug is formed by the atmosphere in which the child grows. There are certain signs of an unhealthy, dysfunctional family. To some extent they may be present in our families. Therefore, it is useful for us to be able to distinguish these unhealthy signs to get rid of their negative influence themselves and their families.

1. Among the first signs of unhealthy family include the presence of someone from its members of some type of addiction, including such “harmless” as depending on the job, from relationship to another man or TV/computer. The addict devotes more time to the subject of their addiction, think about it and can not freely control their behavior and to dispose of them. His addiction becomes to some extent its master and does not allow to live normally and pay attention to other family members, to give them their warmth, love, support, care and understanding.

2. The next symptom of is incomplete the family, ie, no family history one parent (mom or dad). One parent is unable to give the child the fullness of education, which can be provided only by both parents. And the loss of a parent, for whatever reason (divorce, death, long gone on a business trip), is a traumatic event for the child, affecting his psyche and self-esteem, and attitude towards life. It is therefore very important to take care of your family and try to keep the peace and warmth between spouses and children. If your family is not complete, then encourage the child’s relationship with relatives of the same sex, and absent parent, or another adult that you trust. At least so you can help the child to get what he was deprived because of the absence of the father or mother.

3. Severe chronic illness any of family members can also have a negative impact on the psychological environment. For example, if the family grandmother suffering from serious physical or mental illness, and children and adults will experience some stress and anxiety. There will be some rules: please be quiet; do not bring friends, when the patient is attack; not to tell others about the disease; to constantly monitor the behaviour or welfare of a patient. Psychological harm this disease can be minimized if the family is created the favorable climate, when, with love taking care of sick family members still continue to live a full life.

4. The presence of the family “secret”, “secrets” of whatever area he was: the work of the father, past love Affairs mother’s or grandmother’s nationality is not only a sign of lack of full trust in the relationship, but the factor that is the confidence limits. Generally it is noticed that in families where there is a dependence (e.g., father son drinking or using drugs), it is customary to hide from others the information. The situation becomes especially difficult if the child committed different forms of violence, and the child for fear of not can anyone share. Eventually the family accumulated such family secrets, and with them, the stress from which she cannot free myself completely and which will destroy family member inside.

5. Characteristic of dysfunctional families can also be installed in it a tacit (unwritten) rules. Here are some of them:

– Not to talk about their problems. This could mean a ban on the discussion of their problems as outside the family and in the family. When we say: “don’t pay any attention to their problems, difficulties, trouble,” for him, it might mean: “Your problems really do not matter, there are much more important things than your problems.” In addition, it means that imposed a ban on the discussion of the problem and then solving it. If a person is forbidden to make the issue outside of his family, so he cannot seek help from professionals or just friends. This may kill any hope for help, to solve serious problems and improve life.

– Do not Express their feelings openly. How often have you heard the family: “don’t cry, you’re a boy! Don’t be mad, don’t shout, don’t be facetious, don’t jump for joy!” When we tell someone about his offense, in response to hear: “No offense!” But in itself this phrase concluded the ban on feeling. But the man has a right to have feelings, and no one can deny. The ban makes to hide her feelings deep inside, but the stress of this is not decreasing but increasing. It is very important to learn not to hide your feelings and Express them in a reasonable manner without irritating or offending others.

– Avoid direct statements that seek to Express his thoughts in parables, and needs through manipulation. This means that people can not directly ask someone for help, he will do it in the bypass. For example: “From the vents so blowing and nobody can not close, I’m so sorry!” Or again: “have been a day of no debris can not endure. This house even has men or all extinct!” Much better to simply ask: “Shut the window, please. Take out the garbage if you don’t mind”. Here is an example of indirect communication. Mother says to son: “Tell your grandmother to have you peeled the potatoes”. All these are indications that the family members do not know how to be honest, direct and sincere.

– To build unrealistic plans and to impose on people and circumstances illusion. This habit can be called magical thinking. For example, a young person lives with the expectation of meeting with the “girl of his dreams”, speaking thus: “Here, I’ll find MY girl, and then I’ll be fine, all problems will immediately be solved by themselves”. However, he does not think about how to work on your character and to make efforts to solve their problems.

– Not to talk about certain “taboo” topics. The most common “taboo” is a ban on talking about sexual problems and needs. In the result, there is produced, on the one hand, painful shyness in relation to this topic, on the other hand, the increased interest to it. Unfortunately, if the parents do not know how tactfully and with wisdom to speak with the child on any interesting subjects, then the child will seek answers to their questions in other, often very doubtful and even dangerous sources.

“Do as I say, not as I do”. It is very scary and hard rule. Here is a true story. One woman said to his son: “do Not drink alcohol. You see, your dad is drinking and slowly dying from it. Don’t ever drink!” And then, when this woman came friend’s son came into the room and saw mom sitting and drinking wine. He was in shock, scared and couldn’t understand why my mom does what is forbidden for him to do? The most dangerous when such a mismatch of words and deeds to religion. When words encourages people to love God, but in reality, for example, shows disrespect for one’s neighbor, the listener will learn nothing but hypocrisy.

“Play, fun is bad, sinful”. You family ever say something like this: “now That you laugh and then cry to you! Do not rejoice so much, that’s not good!” The ban on expression of joy – a sign of a sick family.

So we have briefly listed the signs of a dysfunctional family, i.e. the family, which can grow people with some form of addiction, including to alcohol or drug addiction. If you realized that in your family there are such signs, you have the opportunity right now to begin to do something to solve these problems. And may our God bless you and help you to learn to truly love, accept and forgive your children, your family members and themselves.

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