New year is coming, and volunteers, companies and retailers are actively encouraged to help the children who grow up without parents. Adoptive mother of four children Svetlana Stroganova told why this support often does not benefit the orphans.
- They need us more than we them. Travel to the orphanage
- To help the orphanage and children
- “The hell you took me from the orphanage”
- “At the solemn meeting we stood and loudly, in unison, cried”
- “I cried in the toilet when the adoptive parents chose not me”
What’s wrong with Christmas gifts to children? Especially if it’s orphans.
Yes, nothing wrong with that.
And so they got a difficult fate – to live in a government building, to see constantly changing adults nearby (did not have time to get attached to one, the next came), not to have their things right and to say “no, don’t want to go to a trampoline center and a master-class of soap making”.
Of course, feel sorry for them, they want to please. But at the same time to reassure himself, because to celebrate the holidays next to such a monstrous injustice it is psychologically very hard. And gifts seem to be a solution. We’re giving their children iPhones. So why orphans, who are deprived of much, you do not have the right to an expensive gadget or a cool toy?
What is the difference between gifting and home not the home children?
Who for orphans Santa Claus
First. The child in the orphanage, most likely, knows exactly who gave him a conditional “iPhone”. It is clear that Santa Claus, but who? Because at home, it’s mom. Or dad.
You’d be surprised, but the children in the orphanage are very well aware of what’s going on.
Alex, 16 years old, lives in an orphanage with 6:
“Well, we already knew at 11 that there is no Santa Claus. And that the gifts are given by sponsors. But we popitki forced to write letters to Santa Claus. Of course, I wanted to write “in short, I want a tablet to sit in VK, VIDOS to watch and play”, but I had to write so that we felt sorry. So I wrote that my mother died from vodka, I’m alone, I feel sad, I want to learn, so I need a tablet with the Internet.”
Pauline, 15 years, six months in the family:
“One day we received some grandmother out of the Church and asked to write notes to Santa Claus what we want for the New year. I asked for makeup and uggs, girls want to wear a dress. Then there was a month, my dad returned to the orphanage, so some clothes I had, and the girls have all been the same and terrible.
Well, in short, grandma is gone and has not returned. And gave us candy. Well, just seeded. Under the tree put nothing, the tree just stood there dressed”.
Lena, 14 years, 2 lives in a foster family:
“We had to write one wish to Santa Claus. Well, we collected a wish list.
Of course, I knew it was a letter to the sponsors. I was already 12 years old.
If I really could make a wish, I would ask that somebody loved me. But they can’t give, so I asked the phone”.
So the first difference is that your child is asking you have a tablet or iPhone, knows exactly who he wants. Everything else (family, care and love), most likely he has.
And the children in orphanages get used to it that we can and need to ask and sometimes even demand from strangers different benefits appeal to his softer side.
So if you want to give your child a phone or tablet, make sure that this phone was for him a means of communication with you. Yes. You’re already involved in his life? So either start writing him yourself intrigued by this child or find him a mentor, a friend, an older friend. Supervise him. Do not drop it.
In young children receiving Christmas gifts from Santa Claus under the tree, and from the hands of the sponsors, which they see first and last time, you take away the belief in a miracle.
If you really want to bestow on young children, it is better to buy less expensive gifts, but hire actors who will make it a Christmas tale. If this is not possible, then at least make sure that the gifts put under the tree.
What will become of our gifts
A second difference homemade gift children gift from a stranger that you know the fate of their gift. You will see what became of him.
Andrew, 19 years old, a graduate of the orphanage:
“Usually, if something is very good, the teachers handed out for the photo, then put back together. Sometimes we did something got. The phones we sold or older squeeze. Or just they very quickly broke. But we were not upset. Still would have gone.”
Children no longer appreciate things. Once on the tour we saw a group of teenagers from the orphanage, which is the New year a sponsor gave iPhones. A girl’s iPhone fell and broke the glass. She shrugged her shoulders and calmly said, “Ah! Will give more!”
How would you feel if your blood child said about your gift to him?
“Help is easy – pay set at the checkout”
Separately, I want to consider cases when smart shopping network raise my sales.
For example, in supermarket “Lenta” put up a tree and hung here such inscription – can you take the card, pay for a set and leave it at the checkout.
I saw a lot of kids of 3 years in infant homes. They don’t know the range of supermarkets “Tape”, and this order to formulate unlikely. At the same time you spend money, the supermarket gets its due income, and that kind comes to children, is a big question.
I believe that every self-respecting Corporation that wants to help the orphans (and not once in a year to build from a “pious” at the expense of buyers), must work with the funds that provide systematic assistance to children in orphanages.
Then it will do charity work and effective participation in the life of children, not just his own PR campaign and increase trade turnover.
What if your child would have received 17 pounds of candy?
The main conclusion is that your investment of effort and money – should work for the benefit of children, not harm them.
You do not would like their own children to give something harmful?
For example, 17 pounds of candy one time and that is the number of sweets once in the New year had in one orphanage per child.
If you want to help in an intelligent how to do it?
1. If you want to donate money – where?
If you still want it on gifts to children on New year, find the funds and the community that help low-income families. In such families usually have the mother, father, shelter, food and clothing, but not enough money for gifts. Such assistance is really needed.
There are seriously ill children who meet the holidays in hospitals. And there are lots of programs that help them to make the holidays not so heavy.
It will be good to help organizations that help children find a family funds “Arithmetic good”, “Indifferent”, “Change a life”, “Children waiting” and others.
The list of trusted funds (not to worry for your donation) can be found on the website dobro.mail.ru – it contains not all good and reliable funds, but those that are there – just checked.
2. If you have the time and energy
You can find volunteer organizations or funds, which are already systematically working with orphanages or foster children, and engage in their work.
You can also become a mentor is when you realize that the family of the child is not ready, but have the strength and time to chat and sometimes meet with one child (as a rule, children from 13-14 years), to be his senior companion, sometimes to take it for the weekend and help to gain basic life skills that he will need after they leave the orphanage.
For example, there is the “instructor” program in the “Arithmetic good” is a separate Fund “big Brothers big Sisters” – you can contact them for inclusion in the program.
3. If you have an interesting job
You can organize career guidance or even just entertaining workshops, classes, trips. For example, there is the practice of inviting theatres wards of the various funds for the performances or conducting photo shoots for children photography studios.
Often children do not get enough attention and information on what qualifications are – so any interesting activity, whether in law or veterinary science, or even furniture design – will always be interesting to children if it is properly organized.
Of course, again, it is best to find those who do it systematically and centrally.
For example, the Fund “Refuseniks” there are regular sewing workshops, you can join the team of knitters, and the Fund “Arithmetic good” is the program of vocational guidance of adolescents “Compass”, where various companies are invited children from orphanages to myself and tell and show the work of various companies (hotels, restaurants, shopping malls, sewing workshops, architectural firms).
And your gifts will be happy of older people in nursing homes or living in hospices.
Just spend a little more time, but better – choose a program in which you regularly participate.
And it will be your own good, your personal miracle!