“Usually the ones who attack are the people driven to despair. They go to the place where it was heaviest, where there were problems” – why are young people shooting at classmates who have to deal with the problem of bullying and where to take time for emotional involvement in the problems of a teenager, thinks psychologist Inna beekeeper.
Frame from the film “the Class”
- Charm of death and a teenager
- When children say, “I Blew up that school!”
- Discussing social networking acute psychosis, we forget about the real risks
- The attack in school – why is happen and how to escape
- Why teen kills
Reference: Inna beekeeper, psychologist, specialist in the charitable Foundation “Volunteers in help to children-orphans” and congenital abnormalities GMS clinic.
Suddenly people went crazy
– We all want to protect themselves from attacks, and from the fact that our children became their initiators. You have the answer – how to make that the child did not go to shoot classmates?
– No answer. If there were an answer, attacks on schools never would have happened.
– You can somehow reduce the likelihood of such events?
– Everything, every action has a backstory. It seems to us, everything happens suddenly. Suddenly people went crazy. But these things tend to develop gradually and have a sequence. If you are talking about school, the reason often becomes bullying inside educational institutions. Bullying can be from fellow students, classmates. It does not necessarily support all importantly, nobody prevents. Sometimes adults themselves, incite a persecution, allowing yourself to degrading and devaluing comments.
Usually those who attack the people driven to despair. They go to the place where it was heaviest, where there were problems.
– Want to say a teen thinks a scheme of revenge? He is rational in his actions?
It is out of desperation. His background criticality is lost. People do not understand what is acceptable and what is not, what it portends. There is a process of survival, alas, in the bad sense of the word. It’s either me or nobody.
– Do those who are by nature inclined to perceive reality is so inadequate? Not everyone will respond to persecution with fire. Or is the normal reaction of any of us who are starting to slack off?
To a certain degree the answer is not entirely obvious. In the situation of hard persecution can get any, that is each.
Bullying is not a problem man, it’s a problem of society.
But more often in a situation of persecution, indeed, are people who have emotional and communicative peculiarities that have autistic traits. Those who have observed difficulties in communication – they are emotionally passionate, or just can’t stand up for themselves. Of course poison those who have physical flaws.
The weak is always easier to drive. But no matter how strong you may be, whatever character may possess, you can still be a victim. That is why the harassment was a social problem, not a specific person.
The destruction of the offenders or the destruction of yourself
– So, before the aggression of a hunted human society is always and unequivocally powerless?
– We are not quite powerless. Here first, people complained and suffered, and then suddenly ceased, was determined and maybe even cheered. It says that he made the decision, though we do not know what. The man who was in the persecution, always looking for a way out, but the destruction of the offenders or the destruction itself is the output of the extreme. It should not be allowed. To prevent such tragedies we can, and it’s a matter of working with the team.
Harassment cannot be stopped, only doing something with someone who was in a situation of harassment. But it is possible to stop working with all the participants: children, teachers, parents.
The group is always visible the one who is excluded from it, and one who is not behaving properly, that is, in certain situations, his reaction causes universal astonishment and condemnation. From the point of view of teachers, psychologists these people, professionals should keep close to him, they must be humanly to communicate, that is to take part in their lives. But, unfortunately, in the pedagogical process are all so focused on achieving educational outcomes that no one pays attention to the child, the teenager, his emotional sphere.
– But the teachers and parents don’t always have time to dive also in the emotional sphere.
– As a rule, such situations occur where there is no support in all areas of a child’s life where parents are focused on grades, achievements require, do not communicate with the child about how he lives.
For example, a child complains of something, and the parents (with a youngest age of the child) say: “You’re a boy. You have to figure it out myself”. Or, is that complaining son of parents still more pressured, give him pressure.
Do not be surprised if in the history of Kerch boys emerge stories about the difficulties in relationships with peers, parents, other people. And do not be surprised to learn that they are helped to cope and to get out of these situations. I would assume that in College he went to leave from a previous school, where he was not very good.
Mom’s a nurse, she divorced my father.
–So you only confirm my words. This is about a difficult social situation where people are forced to work to survive and, of course, there’s no time for the child. This is a common situation, widespread and stalemate. It is typical for people with poor social and financial situation. They have no time for children, they often require more children and little support. Most importantly, are rarely able to seek the assistance of professional psychologists.
Even if this help is free, it is possible only during working hours, which means just one can put a child to school a specialist-psychologist, teacher of additional education. Children remain excluded from the process.
The only guarantor of security is the family
– Are there ways to help the child to reach the handle?
– A lot of them.
The first rule. Enter the family law under which every day, for at least 15 minutes, will communicate with the child. You will be able to talk with him about learning, not about grades, not about “why the deuce geography”, and about life. Talk with your children about what is happening to them, what they feel, think what you dream about, something to fear, admire. Talk with your children about how you live yourself. This is real human interaction. 15 minutes, no matter what happens, give your child.
The second rule. Pay attention to complaints, do not ignore them, do not devalue a child’s life. Do not think that the problems themselves may dissolve. If he complains that at school and in the yard going wrong, listen to, do not miss, looking for ways to help.
No, you don’t have to go out to school. You can find the child a place where he can be happy – clubs, company. Near the teenager should be and other adults, besides parents that it can support. You need to provide a place where the child is well and happy. Make an effort to have a place to organize.
We naively believe that the goal of the school is to educate, and school teachers have to solve problems. Believe me, problems don’t resolve themselves, teachers are not always alone is able to cope with them.
If the child complains about problems, ask “what can I do to help?”, don’t ignore it. This is the basic law on interaction with children, otherwise they may try yourself to seek a way out of the impasse, and it can be extreme.
In addition to parents, the child does not hope in anyone. The only guarantor of security – the family. If the family ceases to be a guarantor, this is Pat. Then children find not with adults. The problem is always the same: children don’t know where to find support.
– What school is she did not have to?
– We are in the old all want something from the school. Usually want and expect high quality learning. But life does not end there. From the school need including want human interaction. And we have to this day for primary school Director looking for teachers who will be children to build. If the “teacher” yells, puts two and in a corner on the peas, so she’s a bad teacher. The child must and will develop as a person, and it happens only through human interaction.
Alas, usually parents tend to swing right in school. And if the class turns out to be “inconvenient child”, the parents first raise high: “let us withdraw”, “he has no place in our class”, “let’s get clean.” There’s fights with Directors who have nowhere to put “inconvenient”, because each of us has the right to education.
And rarely in the parent chat any suggestions to help a child. No one asks the question of aid, everyone is busy how to protect themselves from “inconvenient”. It does not lead to a positive result exactly never . I am convinced if the world to find a way to help, fruit will be larger and tragedies in times less.