The son introduces his beloved and he hears: “She’s not for you”

How to realize that we are not perfect parents, so we can’t be perfect children, and why in the beginning people do not notice the shortcomings and problems – thinks the Archimandrite Andrei (Konnos).


  • Archimandrite Andrew (Cananas): We are constantly waiting for something and demand
  • Archimandrite Andrew (Cananas): do Not prevent children to choose their own path
  • Archimandrite Andrew (Cananas): We pass to the children fear
  • Archimandrite Andrew (Cananas): When you talk to God – don’t be afraid to complain

Let’s admit our mistakes

Archimandrite Andrew Konnos

We must understand that we are not perfect parents, and therefore we may not be perfect children. After all, we are not what we ought to be. We are not what we would like to see us God. We need repentance. There must be an understanding that very often we make mistakes and many do not see it as it really is. And the only way to change your life and way of thinking. We all need to understand it. A sign of maturity to admit their mistakes, to understand what you’re wrong, and not to consider himself perfect. You’re not perfect!

Let the children let go briefly to another room. Now I want to turn to the parents and say something that concerns you. Let’s admit our mistakes! Let us say to the Lord: “I have sinned!” And ask for His help. Elder paisios said that children are largely a copy of their parents. That is, if you were the way you want to see God, since childhood, not from this point on, when you’re forty or fifty, and the children by this time would have taken you a lot of good and would not be so, as it is now.

Some parents come to the Church in adulthood. Here they change, learn to love and forgive, but their children emerged in a different setting. They grew up in modern, secular society, and brought up by their parents with the right vision!

And now suddenly my parents changed everything, fell into place, and they are beginning to spread his new way of life for children. No, nobody is late.

In the Church people can always change, there is always hope for the best, for change, but in adulthood it is not so easy. Therefore, we will not be so pretentious. Let us recognize that our lives were full of mistakes. As I said a very spiritual man, whom the Lord vouchsafed to turn, to repent and to bind the further life with the Church: “I have sinned, father! Can’t forget…”

So we will not forget the words of the 50th Psalm: “I know my transgression, and my sin is before me always.” The mistakes committed in the past are reflected in today’s family life, and we continue to pay for them. Of course, God takes part in our struggle and helps us, but so it is possible to explain why family problems. The answer is simple: you aren’t what should be; or so, but recently, “the mechanism” has managed to break.

So, we all make mistakes. And if you recognize this, it is easy to understand: you should not be so uncompromising parents, confident in their rightness. No need to think that our educational methods are correct one hundred percent.

Close your eyes and think of as preparing for his birth

Now I ask you, family of people to do something.

Close your eyes and transport yourself mentally to a time when you were preparing to marry. When you just imagine what awaits you. When you said to yourself: “a few days later my wedding! After a few days I will have my own family!” Remember? And how was the guest list, making invitations to a wedding, discussing a restaurant menu, settled in homes… And then preparing for the birth of the first child.

Remember how anxious you were waiting for his birth? So many plans, so many expectations… “I Have a family. Will be children. I’d like three or four – well, as God wills…” And here you were married. The first few days after the wedding. You get photos from the celebration and begin to remember: “But my uncle! Here is my friend with whom we served in the army! But my aunt – she came from the village and gave such a wonderful gift!” In General, it’s a start. And so much joy, excitement, and so I want to live!

Time is running out, dreams go, and this is a reality. The dream passes and often gives way to nightmare. Monstrous charges, illness, problems – and here it is, a feeling of complete hopelessness. Sometimes, for example, that children’s has long been ready, in her sweeping, dusting, and baby is still not there – and here’s the couple begin to worry: “what’s the matter? What’s wrong?”

Comes daily – the reality of descending from the clouds to the ground. Dream fairy disappears, there is a lot of problems – often totally unexpected. And start to think, “How did I come to this? After all that started well! Was dreams, it was bliss… Where did all the honey honeymoon? Where is the sweetness, the bliss? Why now is one of bitterness, anxiety and pain? Why now so many problems? How did we come to this?”

St. John Chrysostom are the words just on this topic. The fact that the Lord uses a secret technique, a special secret method that will help people create a family. You know, what’s the secret? Listen.

If from the beginning God told us what awaits us on life’s journey, the path that we choose, and especially in the way of family life; if He showed us what life puts us through – no one would have dared to embark on this dangerous adventure.

Yes, this adventure really can be dangerous. Despite the fact that marriage is often associated with adequate shelter, a safe haven – the reliability is constantly alternated with dangers. And the harbour – and marriage can truly be called the Harbor – not quiet, and seething waves. That is why, tells us St. John, when a person is just beginning family life, the Lord sends him such bliss and so much energy that no obstacles and interference can’t stop him.

It is very common to see in practice. For example, the son acquaints the mother with a girl he loves, where he wants to get married, and the mother said, “Son, this girl is not for you! Don’t you see how much she’s shortcomings? It’s obvious to everyone! She is constantly talking!” But the son answered: “What are you talking about? It’s not a lack, it’s talent! She’s not talking, but just free supports talking, she is sociable, she has a gift to communicate with people! She’s got talent!”

When the man is preparing to marry, then all that others consider to be the flaws, it looks positive. Why? Because right now, it hovers in the clouds of love. Starts a new life, dizzy from joy and bliss, and all around is seen in the best light. Did not notice any flaws, no problems.

So it happens that the future spouses go as far as to conflict with parents, not listening to any advice and making a choice based on their feelings and confidence in choice. No need to blame young people. No need to blame them, condemning their choices and actions, because we adults, the wise men were the same in the beginning of his career. Almost all of them.

Life makes you change for large bills

When you begin on the enthusiasm, you have a lot of energy. You press on toward the goal trying. This aspiration helps to trigger the family to put the train back on the rails, give it a start.

However, over time the enthusiasm starts to fade: there are problems, trials, difficulties will certainly appear, in any case. First one, then another – and now you’re a family man, must get some new way to spread the enthusiasm that was in the beginning. Huge, powerful sense should fill the everyday life, with its trivialities and challenges that will appear. This incredible power that was in the beginning of your way, now we need to materialize that is out of energy to turn into… matter.

Life makes you change for large bills.

Makes to show love, filled to the brim with heart, in everyday life.

That’s why in the beginning is always a lot of energy, enthusiasm and giddy feelings. If all this was not how people coped with family difficulties?

I myself, only to accept San, felt great pleasure. I think it happens all the priests in the beginning: they are full of enthusiasm, the ardent aspirations. And the Lord gives it all to then the priest found the strength to withstand further tests.

Remember how the Apostle Paul first saw Christ? In a blinding light. And because of this he began to preach Christ with such joy, such zeal, that didn’t stop anything. Subsequently, however, the Lord reveals to Paul that he must suffer much, through the ordeal. And the Apostle who started the journey with amazing revelations of divine love, is ready for further difficulties.

Or take, for example, of a man who took monastic vows. The first time he lives in constant joy, surrounded by God’s grace, zealously contends. But gradually trials – different trials and challenges.

Everywhere. This is the secret of life. First you like incense in box – fragrance with all the flavors, but under the hood. Always lie in a box of incense will not, in itself, the fragrance exudes long. The incense put in the censer next to the hot coals so that the fragrance spread around it as much as possible.

And in family life. People starts complaining: “Lord, You are all specifically rigged to make fun of me? Wanted to make fun of, and therefore instilled in me the idea to create a family? Now understand that I was waiting for! But everything is just beginning, and I still have half of my life not lived! You play with us so, Lord? Play our problems… Before everything was so calm until I got into this torment! And now, a moment’s peace…”

When I was ordained, one friend came up to me and said:

– How I envy you! Now your life will be so calm! No responsibilities, no worries and problems is not what I have. Well done!

– So, – I replied, – if you could go back twenty-five years ago, when you were a young girl you wouldn’t marry?

– Wouldn’t! replied the friend. – Of course not! In any case! I would have done the same as you.

Wrong. Woe to me if I chose the path of priesthood in order to make their lives easy and pleasant. Woe to me if I didn’t get married to avoid problems and trials. And Woe to you if you once thought of creating a family, you provide yourself with easy and peaceful life. I know that God answers to such thoughts, when one begins to ask: “why?”? “Because, My child, in the soul of each person and family, and celibate, monk, and missionary, I want to inscribe the image of the Holy cross. In every soul – in his own way. Because the Cross is the resurrection. Does not happen no other way to salvation, it is impossible otherwise to get closer to God. You will be saved through the cross – the cross of marriage, Sana’a cross, the cross of a marriage and Sana at the same time, if we are talking about the “white” clergy, the cross sermon…

Whatever you do, wherever you go, no matter how hiding from the cross, it cannot be avoided.

The cross is the path to salvation.”

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