“I did not go, did not speak, not write – and you want to be “normal”. How to build a class with a child who has features to calculate the forces and to identify a competent professional – the Director of the children’s neurological and rehabilitation center “Logomed Prognoz” Olga Azova.
Photo: Eugene Kurskov / TASS
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Mothers of difficult children is very difficult to help
– Parents want to be “normal”, and the child at the time did not go, did not speak, not write something like everyone else. How to react to all this? How to take?
– The most simple wish – no-such “not”, which would be above all of our lives and love to one another. This is not pathos, and common sense. Of course, all classes, kindergartens, schools, and even prestigious institutions, and life itself, important and significant. But would have time for the whole series of “no” – to live, to breathe, to enjoy, to pray, to love. I called those values to which everyone is committed one way or another. But if someone they are different, anyway they are unlikely to affect the productivity of the classroom.
Unhurriedly hurry. To apply the intelligence, to place accents and priorities.
First, prioritize what is most important. The skill of writing, for example, requires several components, some of them depends on the physiology: a well-developed fine motor skills, healthy joints, coordination, muscle tone, intact verbal memory.
Thus, we begin to train the physiological needs of the hands. Then systematically begin to engage in the division, until, until you start to really happen, and then all its speed. The norms are and they are quite reasonable – the whole first grade, but to better schools to hatch, to engage in EVERY activity.
The second is the gradual mastering of a skill, you cannot jump through the formation of important functions. First a Foundation, then erect walls and paint the facade. For example, it is impossible to speak, while the cerebral cortex is immature. It is impossible to jump over stages of development, increase in immature cortex that are still in Bud, to begin to develop “higher” function, not after those that lie hierarchically below. For example, it is impossible in a complete imbalance of functions to begin to cherish the Queen’s speech.
And if it is difficult? Usually parents with a child normodipine do something like this: started the letter “a” to write, first clumsily, and then right. All achieved results. And do here, something to achieve, but it goes slowly. What do you need from parents to the classes made sense and the result was some result?
Is to help, not impede. Homework in the proportions and with such intensity that the expert recommends.
Not to disturb, if not to help. Trust the experts some parents are trying to not just attend class but to lead the process, responsible for a child. For many children without the presence of parents more productive. Activity can always be recorded on video or tape recorder, listen and try to repeat at home with your child.
To be able to listen, to trust a specialist. Tell the case. It is quite typical. The child has autism, acceptance of the diagnosis did not happen, although the diagnosis parents know the last three years. Then was prescribed a rehabilitation route.
Initially, the emphasis was on behavioral analysis, then added other procedures, with a child worked in the complex. Parents, especially the mother, was recommended to pass at least the parent course.
The baby is doing in the classroom. But of course remained with autism. What’s the difficulty? It was not the transfer that is done with the child in the center, in life.
Parents are unhappy, the child does not listen, we ask once again to enter the home ABA therapy. Dad says: and we have already abolished the behavioural analysis as a class. Yes, indeed, we in the center with a child no problem, we he just listens, in the classroom says.
But the parents at home, for example, persistently continue to encourage unwanted behavior with candy. Stating that specialists family have not heard.
To be able to enjoy minimal success of the child. Again a specific example. For six months the child with autism has learned to repeat words, but only in the classroom. Mother not see, asking for the occupation. Oh, it turns out that the child repeats a lot. Mother is happy.
A month later comes back to the lesson, but it seems the mother, significant addition in question happened, the child learned not to repeat, and to speak their own, but still the same words. Mother unhappy again – it’s so slow and it seems important acquisition.
Understand child needs to feel the support, not the eternal mother’s disappointment lasted, he couldn’t, not like this.
And he is just done, passes the stages of children’s speech, just a time frame other, unfortunately, is not yet obtained.
Not to be unprofessional Amateur. Given the task to work out. Mom makes that we are not just repeat, and will do so to the child for a long time could not see. As soon as mom or specialist get a box or book with this task, the child’s protest.
In fact, the mothers who have a difficult child, often very difficult to help. They brought the child to class and want to relax, they too can understand.
Usually I say good to all three – mother, child and the specialist was included, but the success of only two members who are interested. But it is a professional rarity and luxury – it happens not often to the full value. Usually, if it’s a mom and professional, and the baby doesn’t want – that still nowhere to go, except how to start to do, relying on the authority of adults; if it is a child and a specialist – there are mothers who entrust everything to a specialist – let them without homework with my mom, but only for the classes you can deal with the problem, just the time it will take a little more.
But, if you do not want the child and the mother, then it becomes very difficult, it turns out that the main “customers” don’t want to participate in the process, the urgent need to begin to motivate or mother, or child.
Parents should not arrange the answer “we’ll see how it goes”
– When choosing a specialist to understand that he is competent?
— Professionalism – this is my sore subject. I teach at a University and I know that universities “shakes” for a long time. The revised program reduced the hours of teaching. But the biggest problem, in my opinion, is the correspondence form of training of speech therapists when the practice is allotted the intolerably short time. Clinical cases, specific cases of correction and training — it’s impossible to “pass” on their own.
Let’s try to give specific advice on how to find a speech therapist:
The education specialist. This diploma of higher special (defectological) education, better – full-time tuition.
Training and further education. For example, if the specialist has positioned itself as a professional in the field of speech correction of children with autism, he is obliged to know ABA therapy. If deals with the correction of dysarthria (violation of pronunciation aspects of speech, due to the lack of innervation of the vocal apparatus – approx. ed.), the necessary knowledge to conduct logopedic massage, ability to work with prosodics (intonation and expressive colouring of speech).
Continuity: one speech therapist studied. The teacher must be respected in the profession person. Of course, it’s good to have feedback: does the teacher know this expert, after all, a disciple is “one-off” work.
Which institutions have worked , and where he works now. There are so-called “name brand” places that allow us to judge the status. However, we still have to ask, how long there, the man worked.
You should ask specific questions about your problem. For example, can the specialist to work with a non-verbal child and what the system knows. In speech therapy, as strange as it sounds, there is no way to operate the alalia. There are methods, techniques, and approaches associated with specific names, but the technique is still there. It is important that the technician not only called names, but said that he was going to do.
It is important, how many children were in his practice. The baby can engage and aspiring speech therapist, but the parent has a right to know that his child – career start. Usually a specialist instead offers diligence.
A speech therapist is required to make a prediction and call the number of required classes. Of course, with complex speech disorders to do it just does not work, but you can put a stopover. Parents should not arrange the answer “we’ll see how it goes”. I usually say: give me a few sessions to determine how the child with me will communicate. The child, like an adult, maybe not enough sleep, agitated, “not in the mood”, etc. and in the next lesson, things will be different: get enough sleep, no tantrums, was well-fed and healthy.
Important professional interdisciplinary connections – who cooperates with the speech therapist. When the child’s difficult diagnosis, the need for an integrated approach to correction.
– The history forum: “My son is 3.6. Spoke just three months ago. 2.5 do with the speech pathologist. Only now I began to wonder – does now what they are doing in class. Before, when I did not say – the logic of classes is not in doubt (modeling, drawings, vocabulary on the topic). Recently began to answer the questions: “who or what? Says the cat or the duck?” The pathologist pushed him… And now we do not speak what color the subject, and do not give the toy the desired color, and in General classes are afraid!” How to understand whether the specialist is not very or the child in connection with the disease?
– In absentia is difficult to judge. But I don’t like here is “pressed”. Specialist doesn’t know what to do with the child, how to help him, and that “crushes”. Play and sculpt – she was able, but does not know how to call the first sounds, to form them into syllables and first words. It turns out that this child is guilty, what not to say. Is it not from himself, and he was required of the question, he should say, but it is not to teach and show how.
That’s about the colors – too separate history. Knowledge of colors is a diagnostic criterion for color gnosis, with 2.5 to 3 years the child must call the 4 basic colors. And… That’s it “should” the expert blows the head, and he, like a scalded cat, let him to teach these unfortunate color.
The child can not, will not, it is difficult abstrahere, all the same color – this is quite an abstract concept, meanwhile, diagnostic criteria of weight, it is possible to rely on them, and I generally would advise to go from the child’s interest…
Will give an example of your. Me for consultation lead of the child 2, 5 years with the conclusion of a speech of “motor alalia”. The child a few sentences, approximately 30 words, sounds and syllables uses a variety of “ka”, “mom”, “bi-bi”. I asked my mother: “You asked on what basis the diagnosis?” “He never learned in 8 months to say, “car”, but “Bibi” and instead of “while” – “pKa”. Did not the speech therapist must teach the word “while” say [PA], when the word “dad” already?” – asks the mother a question.
I think this question mom good, timely. Unfortunately, stating the fact that we are becoming a country of non-professionals, given the current quality of higher education.
Many places are happy to special children, soon it will be everywhere
– Parents of special children often turn in on themselves, for their problems. Plus at the Playground, people can not adequately respond. How to build relationships of parents with the outside world?
– Do not be ashamed of their child. Be able to briefly articulate a diagnosis. Even a flyer can be prepared and give to those who are overly scrupulous on the subject of “piffle” other people’s children, where there will be a short description of the disease. That is a very sobering, some feel ashamed, I’m sure someone will even want to help. If the parents of a special child will learn to respond calmly, then eventually the world will change. Yes, they are so easy. But to start to be lenient have special parents.
The desired tolerance. Educational stage – society is learning to accept everyone. To learn you need to own enough information.
We are only at the stage of learning and, in fact, we have it is good. Moscow is gradually losing the exam. Come to us children and parents say that Moscow is more tolerance.
For example, a child screamed. Surrounding: “control your child!”. After explanations: “he’s autistic,” all knowingly silent.
Very many places are happy to special children, gradually it will be everywhere. Parents of special needs children themselves do not need to withdraw – to go to those institutions where you need to go to the shops, to fly airplanes.
– How to understand what you can fix and what to just accept? How to build a relationship with this child if he has autism, mental retardation to stay mum, to be able to get joy from communication with the child.
– How to take – everything is known. There are six stages of psychological acceptance of the experience of illness and, indeed, acceptance of the uniqueness of the child and the fact that now life will go a completely different course.
Let’s talk about these stages in the hope that parents, after reading, will try to move from hard stages to acceptance. Even better – it will not embark on this journey, and immediately begin to help the child, accepting the diagnosis.
If it fails to cross at least some stage, to remember these steps is the psychological acceptance of the disease is the main specialist, which should work in this situation, a family psychologist. Turn to him!
I advise you not to go to one parent for a consultation. Two listening two pairs of ears, the information is less deformed, it is possible to support each other. Always one of the two is more realistic, will be able to mitigate the situation. Always remember that the opinion of one expert may sometimes be insufficient. Looking for expert opinion – more of a competent professional. Need to say good professionals agree. Then you need to stop, unless, of course, the parent does not want to “get away” from making the diagnosis.
Many parents begin to walk to the big number of specialists, to find someone who will refute the diagnosis. Next can be unpredictable: either parent allow yourself the wrong way, or there is a “family legend” that can be maintained over the years. In complex cases, it may be quite right to refuse treatment, correction, because it can’t happen to me.
In my practice, there are families with bezrucovy children who are of age to go to school, and after they receive a diagnosis of closed and all this time did not help the child, and was just sitting at home. And here the sword of Damocles “school” only brought them to me for a consultation. As a rule, educated people, living not far from us. For example, I remember a family who lived a few kilometers from the MKAD, but lowered the possibility, which many in the capital.
3. Anger, aggression
This stage is difficult both for the parents themselves, because the emotions need an outlet and people that surround them, because openly agressirovat in society is not accepted. Parents at this stage, making diagnosis very difficult to advise. They themselves are difficult.
Irritation, anger and aggression start to become a cause of quarrels, conflicts in the family. During this period, the family may break up, parents are unable to agree on a strategy to help the child begin to blame each other.
This period is dangerous because the child may not receive the treatment and correction that are needed. Parents can completely give them up either to begin a period of travel in the occult field, the miraculous healers. All the magicians and psychics know that parents are willing to give everything for the health of your child, and that at the time of making diagnosis of the child as the parents would bargain with fate, and, of course, the shameless use of it.
And in fact, the faster the correction will start and the treatment, the better the output.
5. Depression, despair
This is perhaps the most prolonged and devastating stage. But the paradox is that as soon as the man seemed to have touched bottom, he begins to re-ascend and make the right decisions. Often in my practice there were cases when family consultation, went, but beating a lot of places, returning to treatment, correction and rehabilitation of the child.
Actually, this is the final beginning. The child begins to get the full treatment, go to the correctional and rehabilitation exercises. Child like this as it is.
The result is always there, in every child.
It seems to me there is no such diagnosis when it would be impossible to be a mother, without ceasing to love a child. Just probably need to teach mom to exhale, to pause and rest.
Have to learn to LOVE. It is not easy, can not say is taboo in society. Child like love is a priori. But it’s not. You need to learn to love, like learning any skill.
How having a special child, to be me
Let’s separately about the “not” when the diagnosis is not easy and rehabilitation is long and hard. How not to fizzle out so much to completely stop anything to do?
– In my opinion one of the most serious problems is that there is no aid specifically for parents at the state level. At least I don’t know of such centres, places where we could come and help the employee, to substitute, to unload.
Can be a charitable, volunteer organization will assume this important function was to assist parents of children with special needs.
Even if the diagnosis is not curable, it does not mean that child cannot be helped. There are practically no children who did not progress in his development. If everything is organized properly, even the most difficult children will learn to speak, begin to accept the rules of behavior in society, to communicate and so on.
Set realistic goals and go for them. Not unlimited everything: forces, finances, own health. Do as much as you can.
Many mothers of special children set a goal that can be achieved, but generally the condition can improve. There are diagnoses that do not lead to normal (verbal, mental), you should not torture yourself, my child and the specialist.
Find a way to relax. Our country is still a strong institution grandmothers. Involve relatives. If they can’t be home with the baby, let him help to get to the center, to kindergarten, to school, to walk. Take any help of relatives and friends.
More about the rest. It is necessary to arrange a multi-day vacation without the kid, to get the body restored and new strength, joy further communication.
If you go on vacation with the whole family, it is not necessary to “hide” the child and his diagnosis. Do not hesitate my child. Relax so that was all happy, emotionally charged.
It should be possible, even strengthen what is responsible for your health – sports, fitness, balanced diet.
In normal adult life try to maintain habits. Try to keep in touch with those people that were interesting to you, and even make new friends. More positive communication, down with the whining.
You will have a new communication with parents of children who have similar problems. Use the advice of those who have passed this way, but in no case do not repeat the full treatment of someone’s child, especially medication. The fact that children have a similar condition, does not mean that they are similar in everything. Treatment strategies are different.
If you want to help a familycaught in a similar situation, then it should not be instructive advice of experienced and no advice on the run. Well, when you do not take the initiative, and the family.
Always prepare for consultations with specialists. You must have a list of questions, it is better written. Don’t forget to take a previously made survey, man-made labour of the child, if this is already there, short videos with your child. Don’t be afraid to ask again. Ask for feedback with an expert, SMS, phone call, e-mail, social networks, instant messengers.
There are times when a specialist is not suitable for a child, change it. This is not school where the teacher is difficult to change. But at the same time, remember that frequent change of experts will not bring the desired result. It happens that the specialist has exhausted its possibilities – part.
Be prepared for encounters with unpleasant people, their inappropriate statements, unwise advice of experts. You can pre-establish a mechanism of their behavior intelligible and calm responses in such situations.
At the same time the most wonderful people and if positive look at the world, then you at the right time will help.