Two weeks of tears and protests: a first grader went to school

“Bosilovo”, tickling and assistance with homework. How to help first graders adapt to the school, says the psychologist Maria Shurygina.

Photo: TASS

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Maria Shurygina

This is an important event for the child and for his family, prepare for it, in fact a few years before – the preparatory group in kindergartens, classes read and score with the kids, play school stories and talk about school, intentionally or not, preparing a child for school. So, of course, because the student is already older and more independent, adapting to school is generally more relaxed than adapting to the garden. But, of course, and there is something to pay attention to.

As well as with adaptation to the garden, the process of adaptation to school is not only external (as far as the child is calm and positive in relation to school), but also internal, affecting both physical health and aspects of mental activity.

Display of adaptation may be a reluctance to go to school, fear of class, rejection of these life changes, loss of appetite, sleep disturbance, fatigue, moodiness, anxiety, motor activity, and more.

Adaptation to school is the first adaptation to the social status, the process of building a new, serious relationship with the social environment of the child. It is a challenge even for those children who already went to this kindergarten. And this process consists of several factors: firstly, actually getting into a brand new environment and activities, which of course requires the adaptation; second, about the age of 6-8 years, the child passes the next age crisis. Both of these factors together give the effect of tension, which at times stretched not only for the first time, but, when failed over, affects the entire schooling for many years.

Do not dwell on the first factor because it is said quite a lot – learning environment, a new relationship, the need to fit into the school system and abide by certain rules, mode, increasing loads etc. It’s all in the ear, it seems to me more important now to draw your attention to what has been discussed so often – the coincidence of adaptation to these new complex conditions and the crisis of 7 years.

Tough transition, which is available only to the person

In seven years, the mindset is changing on verbal and logical, the type that is the primary in adults. This change also takes place gradually, and long before the crisis, the child may already have some of the properties of this type of thinking, and the crisis caused by the transfer of the rudder from visual-figurative to verbal-logical thinking and signifies that the verbal-logical thinking will occupy most of the head.

Thus parents, it is important to understand that this very difficult transition that is accessible from all living things in the world, only our species, not a single mammal possesses this quality of the brain, this important transition lasts a long time after the crisis has passed. Finally verbal-logical thinking in all its functional completeness is formed to 13-15 years.

Previous forms of thought it does not die away, but recede into the background. The adult is also available and the visual-effective and visual-figurative thinking, he actively uses them, but, it is primarily verbal-logical. Visual-active thinking, for example, daily manifested in us in scratching the back of his head when remembering something, gesticulation, which we accompanied with explanations in the habit of walking around during the busy thinking in other ways.

Except for the change of mindset in 7 years is the next stage of identity formation – “I – society”. Before the child has learned the concept “I am other I”, he now extends his focus and begins to notice the existence of a wide range of people, of society with its hierarchies, relationships and the need to take some place in it, and preferably a warmer place.

Also in this age of changing the leading type of activity from play to educational. This is an internal change. It’s called not going to school, and Vice versa – it is this change being noticed by generations of our predecessors, formed in different countries of the same tradition to send their children to learning the craft, profession or currently in school at this age.

Pass this crisis is the main factor of child’s readiness for school. If the child went to school before he crossed that line, adaptation to school will be superimposed on age-related changes and will give adverse result. This can be expressed as in delaying the process of adaptation, and its complete failure, which leads to school exclusion, which leads in turn to serious underperformance.

Parent, in my opinion, it is important to know what is happening with the child and why. Knowledge of the process and its causes helps in making daily decisions, helps you be more patient, to be sensitive to the difficulties of the child, to trust him when he complains directly or indirectly to them. It is often the support and understanding is the main help we can give to another person.

Time adapting to school fits within the same framework as the adaptation to the garden, in fact it is common time periods in which our average psyche adapts to any serious change – up to 2 months of intensive phase and 6 residual. In contrast, adaptation to kindergarten, active, and residual stages of adaptation to the school have a smoother transition, showing signs of adaptation in the passive period is the norm. Whereas adaptation to kindergarten in the residual period visible to the naked eye signs to not be.

Therefore, conventionally we can say that a normal period of adaptation to school – up to 6 months.

A period of adaptation to school can also be divided into more or less distinct groups. However, in the case of the student will be more mixing and transitions between these types of adaptation, more individual characteristics.

Active adaptation

This form of adaptation is quite rare. First-grader noticeably and obviously worried, worried, afraid. There may be tears and protests. Not usually the first of September (a holiday for most children overshadows negative experiences) and not on everyone’s mind, as do the kids in kindergarten, but it is and tears, and vehement protests and attempts of trading, and aggressive reaction. Active and visible emotional reaction in the normal flow of the adaptation process can last up to 2 weeks.

Delayed adaptation

The most common form of adaptation to school. At first the child willingly and enthusiastically goes to school, takes everything with interest. But after a few weeks start the classic manifestation of adaptation to somatic or mental, or both at once. Also the acute phase of this adaptation period since the onset of symptoms is about 2 weeks with decreasing intensity.

Passive adaptation

Along with deferred adaptation the most common form for first graders. In this case, many parents do not relate the symptoms appearing in the behavior or health of the child, adapting to school. In passive adaptation the adaptation to new conditions is not at the expense of mental resources, but at the expense of somatic – appetite, taste preferences, changing stools, fatigue, personality changes sleep, the speed and quality of assimilation of new information, General nervousness, moodiness, attachment to rites,rituals, infantilism, age regression, jealousy of older or younger siblings, conflicts with parents, similar to those typical of adolescents, not kids.

Passive adaptation in one form or another, with a declining intensity can last for 6 months adaptation period.

Failed adaptation

This adaptation, which, due to various factors, was low success. The result of this adaptation will be at best protracted period of negative attitudes and child’s health that spans several years in the worst – already remembered us in vain school disadaptation.

Unfortunately, a failed adaptation in recent years is quite common.

Quick adaptation

Adaptation, which was not, quickly, smoothly, without problems. Unlike adaptation to the kindergarten, the option of adaptation to the school to found, and, fortunately, not very rare – about a quarter of the students will adapt quickly. This does not mean that they will not have difficulties in class with teachers that they will learn well. It just means that they are easily and quickly adapt to changes in their lives.

I want to remind you that adaptation and joy – two different things. Successfully adapted the child will not necessarily be happy from the perspective of 11 years going to school and doing homework.

And not necessarily it will be good to learn.

How to facilitate adaptation to the child

When adapting to a new school load get all areas: physical, emotional, social, intellectual. And, planning to help your child, it is necessary to take them into account.

From the body the child adapts to a very strong change of mode of physical activity for the trained active body to change the activity in sedentary difficult. The body protests. Those measures that are taken at school, most kids are not enough. The effects of adaptation to this regime may be a different phenomenon from the rampant violent behavior of the after school physical sluggishness and gradually increasing obessolivanija.

To neutralize the negative effect and help to adapt by walking after school, active, outdoor games.

In any a child a great way of dealing with the distress, both physical and emotional, is a fuss and “Resilovo” on the bed-the couch-the carpet together with someone from parents.

It is generally a magic act, comprehensively useful, and neglect it not to be.

For many children in stressful times (and for other and in normal times too) before bed is good not quiet games and reading, but rather 10-15 minutes of fuss, running around, screaming, sekatak and active pranks. It’s great relieves stress both emotional and physical. So this option many of you can try.

Sleep should be given special attention. Observing the child within a week or two, to help you find the individual mode.

Nutrition during this period is also important, primarily saturate the body with vitamins and salts (although salami is also sometimes a good idea). I would recommend natural formulations, for example, is known to many a mixture of honey, lemon and a variety of dried fruits (all in equal shares to the shredder and a teaspoon morning and evening). Or drink with root ginger (brewed as tea maximum acceptable concentration), or just grind with honey and lemon and a teaspoon morning and evening. Who prefers pharmacology natural remedies – there is a big selection of vitamins specifically aimed at maintaining the functioning of the nervous system, for example, “Neuromultivit”.

Other aspects of nutrition also pay attention to the fiber, proteins, fast and slow carbs. If in this period, the child want more sweet – give him some slack in this. Although, of course, do not get carried away and in the long term it is necessary to know the measure.

The intellectual burden that the child will start to school in a completely different mode than in the garden or on home maintenance, also will have to adapt. Help your child with the school program. If your school immediately imposes serious requirements, even if you think that the child is ready for them, during the period of adaptation closely monitor his condition and mood in relation to the study. If you see or suspect that he is, he gets too exhausted, let it rest at your expense – do some jobs with him at the greater your participation, not obtain his reply. Help him learn when to take breaks and switch to other tasks, returning then to the previous work.

If you can spare the time – in different versions watch after school when his brain is most active, we usually have brain activity comes in waves. I, for example, articles best writing at 11 in the morning here no more, no less 11. And your first graders too have a sine wave, the knowledge that an individual mode will greatly facilitate studying at home. When the child is at the peak, it will make the job easy and even with interest, spending his time. When on the decline, the task will seem very difficult to begin work will be difficult, a good result to get even harder, and the time it takes 2n and 3n.

As for extracurricular load – if your child attended classes before school, they can continue in the period of adaptation in that case, if they child really bring satisfaction, joy are for him entertainment. If it’s some intellectual pursuits, but not sports, then it is necessary separately to see General fatigue. Perhaps they are, despite bring joy, it is better for a few weeks to wait. Activities and clubs that the child in the preschool period especially strongly did not please, should be postponed at least until the end of adaptation. Although it is necessary to tell about a serious sport then the training regime to bring down, sporadically skip 1-2 classes on the circumstances.

Relatively new groups and sections, I would not recommend that right in September to start such classes. Although in particular cases there may be exceptions when, for example, the guys in the class are also in this section and participation in the common life is important for social adaptation in the team.

View TV and computer games, if it is important for your child, you should reconsider at least for the time adaptation. And there are two aspects. One of them is social. Well, with the second in General, and so everything is clear – in certain amounts of video and computer games unload the brain, give him relaxation and stimulate, and in the other, large quantities, on the contrary, begin to eat not only restored their earlier resource, but also to bite further into the brain.

The child himself can not this balance within yourself and find the time to check. So you have to the eye, conceptually define the framework for his child. And, by the way, regarding the TV/game lessons – not always the best tactic “first lessons, then fun.” Because small amounts of these entertainments restore the efficiency of the brain after stress, which he received in school. So half an hour to score a monster or watch a series of animated series could be useful.

But what would like in this connection to mention about is that kids need parental control over homework a couple of years to 14-15. He later is needed, but there is normally nothing will control it. And that’s fine. This is a consequence of the normal operation of the normal teenage brain in the absence of real motivation to work. And its in our school studies are almost there.

Of course, talk about school motivation should be separate and long, here only give a brief summary: don’t try early to put the child in the “free floating” relative to his studies, it is not necessary to achieve a particular reliance in this matter.

To be childish in terms of regulating such activities for your child, and treat it as the norm, in advance for itself, denoting that in the next 5 years you will need active participation, not only Supervisory control.

About emotional and social adaptation

Emotional adjustment also is very different in the manifestation of nervousness to fatigue. At the same time, the adjustment may not be inherent informed traits not only in studies but also in relation to other things and people, with the school not related. Try to be patient if this happens in your family.

To help to adjust emotionally to the child, allowing (or even suggesting) to take him to school a small favorite toy, there’s nothing wrong with that.

In the same way as in the case of adaptation to the kindergarten, is not worth after school (or your work) just to throw actively to question the child about the school day. If he is in a hurry to share with you – of course, support his initiative. But if he’s not doing the first step first, ask is there anything real or tell me something, and then ask some questions. And don’t insist on answers if the child gives them reluctantly. However, the moment mark in my head, and if the son or daughter for 2-3 weeks did not start with you normally to talk about school – it is not a very good sign.

Often first-graders as an adaptive response given the regression of age – demonstrate inability/impossibility (sometimes even aggressively) to dress themselves, eat, clean, etc. – “I can’t”, “I can’t”, “I’m tired”. It is not necessary to put pressure on the child. Of course, in some situations it is reasonable to say – “Hon, don’t be stupid” and insist that the child himself did. But if your sibling is showing such reactions, it is not necessary to use a similar persistence as the main strategy. At this moment it would be good to stay a little distracted from what you were doing or wanted to do, and set a simple emotional contact with the child. To switch his attention to himself, to divert it to positive feelings between you. To hug, to ask some question. Then you can go back to doing what he could not do, or like to do it myself.

You directly friendly (!) contact the child – “okay, let me do it, I know you can, but if you want, I’ll help, I can’t get hard.” You can ask your child next time not to twist your brains with all sorts of “I can’t” and just ask “mom, dad, help me, please.”

You can turn it into a game-a joke – for example, in the game small. And gradually that everyday behavior you enclose in the framework of the localized game in the baby, while at home the child will behave appropriately, give you a dose of care in the game. A game in the baby I would advise parents, even if their child does not show “can’t, I don’t know how.” It is a useful enjoyable game in a safe and carefree past. In a sense this is another version of the “basileva”.

In the period of adaptation try to avoid situations where you have had to scold or punish the child. If you know where you usually conflict – smoothly avoid these places. Something can be done, for not asking of the child and, therefore, not an abscess that the request should be repeated 10 times, and then to give a negative response in response to the same disobedience.

Something you can never do, for example, not to visit, if you know that this baby is tired and in the way back can be very harmful. Or not to schedule entertainment on a Saturday morning, if you know that your child is always going slow and camp in a hurry in 8 of 10 cases anyway conflict. The difficult period of adaptation is not the time when you should teach a child some General qualities – punctuality, commitment, restraint, etc. This is the time when you have to pritormozite and wait until better times.

Shoots from school or legitimate absences when you invited the child to stay home – I are ambiguous, so cannot recommend it as an overall measure or banned. This highly depends on parents, the family, the child. In some cases, this will be salvation, and some of the key future challenges.

Social adaptation is the adaptation to society and finding his most comfortable role in it.

Here your child will enter in interaction with other people and microsocium will be like a puzzle of different personalities, characters, talents, positive and negative traits. To take inadequate place for itself – intuitively terrible, terrible is, even if you don’t know the word “adequate.” And fear this child will somehow overcome. Someone will make do with simple excitement, and someone sleepless nights and stress.

During this period the child can expect unpleasant discovery that he, too, will have to adapt. One of them may be the change of social roles – child, the former in the garden or on home education leader, the center, soul of the company, endorse and accept, the new society may become an outsider, “loser”, because in comparison with adjoined kindergarten group and his place was so, and in comparison with the characteristics of his classmates – other. And it’s very unpleasant and painful surprise. Parents need to keep their finger on the pulse, if there’s such a social revolution should be as speedy as possible until the class has settled and your child have not taken this unpleasant position for years.

What kind of assistance is the subject of a separate detailed conversation, and the options here are very individual.

At what points to pay attention in time to see the signs of such a reversal of roles – everything is simple. Talking to your child and watching him in the team at least a 5-10 minute drive and the fence of the school, in the list of what you need to pay attention, and mark this point. Signs that your child is no longer “soul party” in the circle of friends will not be able to escape from you.

It is quite another thing if, coming to school, your child, in varying degrees, deliberately, change their social behaviour, their way, to which you are accustomed. If not, the puzzle society puts pressure on the child changing his behavior, and he for some reason wants a new team to try a new role – it’s not just normal, it’s OK. Do not rush to condemn his choice of roles, if you do not like (for example, more sprightly and rowdy, or more aggressive than you are used to seeing). Look closely, give the child time to get comfortable and grind on the bumps of his new image, will support the initiative as a whole, gently correcting some particularly unpleasant parts. Do not rush to reject.

Photo: John Reiswig /

Part of social adaptation is the local subculture. More appropriate average rate for microobjects, are easier to adapt to this fact. Therefore, do not create child artificial barriers.

Where do you think he trains the character, independence from other people’s opinions and the personality of the individual your child is suffering from rejection of their environment because of their age not having appropriate protection from it.

Not to mention the fact that many adults in this place is simply disingenuous, because if they had the opportunity to buy him the same iPhone as everyone else, they would have bought, but since it is not possible, pedaliruetsya the theme of “let the trains character.” It’s better it fair to say, not under the guise of noble objectives.

Also, advise parents to look closely at the appearance of baby hair, clothing, and accessories. No matter how much we boasted that all of this, he says, “materialistic bullshit”, but this “bullshit” is the place to be. With children no less, and sometimes even more than adults, because they have more black and white.

Do not dismiss these simple ways to help the child to adapt and find a place in society, as a “cool” haircut with a pattern on the back that will impress classmates, or relevant to their microsocium “baubles”. If you bought him to your taste stationery personal belongings and Vinny puhami and flowers, and after September 1, it turned out that the team has been largely more adult interests and style – leave it at home and school will buy him with the Decepticons, and from angelinajolie. And it’s better to go along and let them choose.

And, by the way, your appearance and your behavior will also affect the reputation of your child in the classroom. It also should not be forgotten.

And the last to social adaptation (although generally, of course, it applies to all layers of adaptation) is the most successfully adapt in the new society those who have a strong connection with some other quality, pleasing, distinctive social life. For the first grade is the family and, accordingly, family Hobbies.

If parents have any active life apart from the work, which included children (tourism, for example, traveling by car, some subcultural Hobbies and activities in the religious community, etc.), the chances for a successful and smooth social adaptation of such children increase considerably.

In this case, the child already has the society in which it camaralzaman and is a comfortable place, and the risk failed to integrate into the society of the school is not perceived by the psyche as critical, the pressure on this area is significantly lower failure it less painful. Not to mention the fact that children are harmoniously incorporated parents in their active and interesting life, often on an equal footing to communicate with different adults, are more confident, mentally stable and fit to communicate.

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