What thinks the priest, looking at his pectoral cross says the priest Sergei Kruglov.
- I can’t be a priest
- Why “burn out” priests: an interview with hieromonk Gabriel (Bunge)
- Archpriest Theodore Borodin: the Priest must humble himself before the man
- The priest cynically joking, ill or drinks. What’s up with him?
- Archpriest George Mitrofanov: Burnt-out priests engender in me a respect
The crosses are different
The priest preparing for the service, thinks: well, again avidly: “Thy Cross…”, and again – we preach about the fact that all of our greatly sorrowful life is the cross, which we must take, and bear with humility and patience, in the image of Christ Himself His cross carried…
However, the father thinks, what do you mean “we”. He, the father, might not be tomorrow in the service to tell people anything. What to say, because people already know everything, every sermon I heard already more than once. The father actually became rarer something is “put” from the pulpit to say… Except that it is such that it goes from the heart will break, than I can not share with people members for many years know.
The father sits and sees his own pectoral cross.
The crosses of the priests, as we know, are different. Someone who just ordained and is the first medienallee give cross – eight, “white” (however, it happens that with this farther and go to old age, especially in the provinces, that someone could be as lucky…).
Such priests are called – “Nikolaev”: in ancient times in Russia the cross on his chest was a special distinction of the few prominent Ministers, and only in 1896, by decree of Emperor Nicholas II ordered all priests to lay a pectoral cross. In those days these “little white” crosses were silver, in our times, are made mostly of materials, say, flavorings.
Who served longer gets cross, four – “yellow”, also from modern ferro alloys. He is still called “Pavlovsk”, during the reign of Paul, such a cross (if it were made of silver gilding) was introduced as a special distinction for eminent priests.
In our time the venerable priests wear crosses are different, the so-called “premium”, there’s a variety of shapes and sizes, precious metals and stones, if awarded – choose what you like…
Watching the father on his pectoral cross, which for many years really is, and recalls the priestly Guild of the joke farther apply to the question of the stages of spiritual growth of the pastor in his Ministry.
The feature of this joke is that no word in it is not invented, all words – a pure statement of fact: the first hot years there is a neophyte priest wears a white cross, and on the back it has the inscription of the first Epistle of Paul the Apostle to Timothy: “Wake the faithful in word, life, love, spirit, faith, purity”, a warning to, like, wear, the shepherd, the cross, but remember that you should be. On the next “yellow” the cross – the inscription: “to the Elder, giving the image of the faithful in word and life”, such as approval, well, done, like, bother. And the ornate premium cross – there is a brief written, “Sofrino”.
Watching the father on his pectoral cross, worn over the years, looking at myself, is also pretty shabby life and service… And thinks: what you, the cross of priest?
And feels like the batteries inside got…
A lot about what the father thinks in connection with the popular concept of “bear the cross”.
About neonatalogy season, extending over many years, and when he served, and the treb around and preached, and did everything according to the priest’s saying, “don’t go to sleep – not lunch, Yes all clubs confess”, and how these tech-tech and some kind of funnel has flowed, and as the batteries seemed to be a little inside, sat down, and as the mental and physical fatigue accumulated, and like crept and what is now referred to as “burnout”.
Well, to be honest, burnout is the priest used some unusual, not quite the same as in fashionable articles describe: like burned, everything. But no, God has collected your ashes in a pile, something they did, you see, was set on fire, and burns again gradually…
About how the further, the more opened the eyes of the priest at the Church of the sins and troubles, that Fudel called “the dark double of the Church”. That, it turns out, all two thousand years the people who come to Church, carrying everyone and their historical, ethnic, political, as well as internal and sinful dirt on the soles that eternal three temptations of Christ in the wilderness still offered by the enemy of the Church people that we live in war, and yet no end is in sight…
About how he grew from all the years in the soul something similar to despair: “the Church is something going on!”, I don’t know what to do. Pour it in the Internet as an “anonymous revelations” or to climb the barricades – the strength and charisma of the wrestler, and the sick somehow. In addition, the mirror itself will look and accusatory pathos evaporates…
Remember the father, when this condition has cured, oddly enough, the old kind, not the Church, but my favorite Bulgakov, whose “the Master and Margarita” is an episode: at the famous concert in the Variety theatre one of the audience, the Chairman of the acoustic Commission of the Sempleyarov, demanded the exposure of tricks, and in response Sempleyarov staged a genuine disclosure – publicly announced his own sins, and in this episode – the most that neither is the gospel truth.
And the congregation will remain ground
Thinks father about that sobering up from such despair – only one thing: the pressing daily small, “naselenie” cases, and with them – the gospel, the Liturgy coming to the temple people who again and again need, no, not you, the father, and in Christ.
You had a choice: despair, or completely and run out of the Church aimlessly (where?..), or – look at Someone also was not comfortable in His earthly Ministry, to the extent that the nails nailed to the cross, and – serve on.
And the Lord is really going to help, He is no stranger.
About the fact that, no matter how much the words of Christ nor sown in a mass of parishioners, but it remains mass, inert and superstitious, and you try to become a “father no,” applicability, so to speak, instead you beloved oikonomia strict akrivia, refuse to read the burial service of a man for the first time see a coffin, or to baptize the baby in the parents, whose knowledge of the creed doubt – as you will make enemies. (And then – thoughts: well, he does not know of the creed not read the gospel, and rejected his Christ?
You the once rejected? Christ, after all, and it endures, hopes in His Church to bring him in? Not read he gospel – so read, life is still all ahead. So you can not follow the example of the Jewish bishops who once in frustration said, “People this ignorant in the law, is accursed!”, do not consider themselves the measure of Orthodoxy. Better pray to God and apply what are the powers who comes to this person, try to discover the gospel, rsduy in him the spark that has seen Christ … yeah, but where is the power to take?! And then the burnout, again?! Duma, Duma, sheep Yes sheep – start with the end)…
“If I’m on earth all the saints!”
“Heavy lies the cross of the Russian Orthodox priest!.. And with the cross, it is said, do not go with him shoot!.. Here I will heroically carry it on!..” – then the doom of the priest mixed with the new paint: feeling sorry for myself, but mixed with complacency and vanity. Stop, says the priest. You really do not a dreamy teenager, you’re almost an old man – himself is not funny by itself? Come on, where again my right mirror (again and again it can be helpful), I will look into it, let him say again, if I’m on earth all the saints!..
Mirror at hand have no father. Because he looked just out the window. And there fall from the clouds, the sun, the sky is seen… seems to be No miracle, no particularly wondrous signs. But the father becomes clear: the cross makes you unhappy. The cross of Christ, His yoke is easy, that’s why He urged people to accept it.
The cross a burden and disheartening – the shadow of the cross. But the shadow end, it is not eternal, it is our faith and our hope. And the eternal Sun of Truth and the Heaven of the Resurrection.
To trust Christ and to believe in people
The priest thought about the words of Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh, which I read once: “I’m in the Church – a private person”. I say – first of all for himself. And for other people – not “reply” I have, and they should serve, try to love, to take them on yourself, do not be squeamish, if necessary, to get into their ailments, trying to help.
And to trust God that He knows these people much better than you, see and live all the burden of the earthly life of the Church more fully to you, He is the head of the Church, the Saviour and Her judge, not you.
And you have to believe in people, believe that people in the Church are those who are able to push at least for a while their self, their passions, claims, strife, malice in his day, and switch to Christ.
Those with whom tomorrow will stand in the temple and “with one mind and edinam heart” to testify: “the Cross is Keeper of all universe, the Cross the beauty of the Church, the Cross of the kings power, the Cross is a true statement, the Cross – the glory of angels and demons the plague”.