When the psychologist does NOT have to go

About fashion for psychological help, says the Orthodox psychologist, psychotherapist, teacher of the course “Practical and pastoral psychology”, Director of training company Natalia Skuratovskaya.

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To show off name

– Some believe that the visit to the psychologist the same cosmetic procedure, others do not see much use. Whether today there is a fashion for psychological help and is it really the man needs a psychologist?

Natalia Skuratovskaya

Beginning of my psychological practice I had in 1994, when everywhere it was believed that “to psychologists just go crazy”. And at the same time, many into Western movies, and “visiting psychoanalyst” associated with the “foreign” way of life.

Then dominated by two categories of customers. Some people with serious psychiatric diagnoses. I have always had the phone a psychiatric emergency and some moment in our center were carried alarm button so that the receptionist could call the psychiatric emergency room.

The second category was the wife of “new Russian” – the newly appeared businessmen and gangsters. For them to visit a psychologist, on the one hand, it was the Western standard of consumption. They were convinced that every self-respecting woman should be not only a personal beautician, manicurist, stylist, fitness trainer, and therapist. In the end, decent people can afford it.

On the other hand, these women do not really have anyone to talk to. Every second the problem – my husband gave the fifth a mink coat and wear it nowhere, because the husband goes everywhere with the girls from the escort. At the same time to chat with old friends such women seemed to be bad manners, not prestigious. The social level is not the same. New friends appeared. My husband kind of relationship. And out they went to a child psychologist to make a sore, and then grew the request for real psychological help.

So the origins of the “fashion” of which you speak, really long time.

To this day there are people who see a psychologist or therapist as part of the service, as part of the standard of consumption. It doesn’t matter in this case, does the psychologist.

Such clients may not be focused on the benefits of consultations. It is important that the psychologist was widely known, and his name would be off: “And I… go”, “My psychologist says…” But the reasons for the growing popularity of psychological help is still much deeper.

Want to deal with this “bad”

– Why are psychologists needed?

– Not today, but still, the last fifteen years more and more people are turning to psychologists.

First, because it has a lot of unresolved psychological problems. People of my generation still remember those times when only extraordinary events could induce to go to therapy. Both then and now come to the psychologist, if a person is ill and he “badly” wants to understand. He was not able to solve their problem on their own, feels stuck.

Rarely come to therapy in order to improve the quality of life, to open new prospects, opportunities, resources. It happens sometimes, but it’s rare.

Recently came to me from a client. And the question “what would you like to investigate now?” he, without batting an eye, replied, “first I want to say that I’m all right!” I immediately exclaimed that it is a holiday, it’s so rare people come with all good. Then followed the request, but this was the rare case to help improve the quality of life.

Meanwhile, the psychological problems in the society many. The environment in which many of us grow up, live, formed as a person is a traumatic and dysfunctional.

From dysfunctional families to school education we find ourselves in a psychologically traumatic situation. As a result, the majority of people come to adult age with a load of psychological trauma, which in some point actually begin to interfere with their lives.

Give me a magic pill

– Probably because it was before, why now everybody is talking about fashion?

– Because the Internet… Because it now has increased information availability. Many people first try to sort out their problems themselves: reading books, watching psychological video lectures. And only then, when you realize that you own does not work, turn to professional psychologists.

The first large group of the reasons for this fashion is a real psychological problems and the increased availability of information.

The second group of reasons I define as the search for “the magic pill for everything”. A man admits he has a problem but wants someone for him to have solved that problem. There is a myth, they say, I’ll find a technician will come to him, give it up, and I’ll be fine. A specialist will not necessarily be a psychologist.

Remember the days when a “magic pill” people go to psychics for the same, by the way, some go to priests. It says nothing neither about religion nor about psychology, but brilliantly testifies to the request for magical action.

The man, feeling powerless to cope with some problems, wants to find a magic way to solve them or a magical person who will do everything for him in the best way.

It is clear that in real life it works at the level of a placebo. If a person has the illusion that he came to the right place, then some emotional issues really can be resolved. Over time, you may receive the courage to deal with psychological problems actually connecting to the process specialist.

The third group are those who go to psychologists to prove to yourself and others what no one can help.

Sometimes you need to be referred to a psychiatrist

For many, the stumbling block is the question – to go to a psychologist or a therapist.

– Here you need to understand what format of psychotherapy and psychological counseling is not the same thing.

Psychological counseling is addressing social and behavioral problems, that is what you just need to understand, finding a new sequence of actions. Psychotherapy works with deep things: trauma, emotions, basic facilities, lack of acceptance and trust, that is, with what can not work solely through the intellect. But in the first case and the second work involves the collaboration of therapist and client.

And if a client comes to the psychologist, tells a fictional story about himself, if silent, what is his real problem, an experienced psychologist, it recognizes, but believe me, will never be to push the client, forcing him to immediately tell the truth and try to first create an atmosphere of trust.

A decent psychologist will never push also because in the majority we still don’t know how to read people’s thoughts, therefore should not impose their assumptions to the client.

Practice shows that the primary request often does not correspond to the problem one wants to solve. Usually come with those that are not afraid to say right now.

Psychologists trying to treat this patient, together with the client layer by layer, as archaeologists on a dig, to get closer to that problem that person really need to work on. But the situation when a psychologist come to prove that no one can help – it is different.

Person suspects, for example, and sometimes he anyone around you says directly that something is wrong. It can be with this internally do not agree, and its complexity and uniqueness to prove the concrete argument is “nobody is able to help me.”

For example, in a notorious affair with the murder-suicide of a student from Bauman, obviously, we are talking about psychopathy, mental disorder, at least borderline, but not eliminated, and big psychiatry.

Why do I say this? Because any decent psychologist upon the slightest suspicion of psychiatric symptoms is required to guide the person to a psychiatrist. As they say, and don’t flatter yourself. There are things that can be overcome only with the use of psychopharmacology. Moreover, some methods of psychotherapy can be not just useless, but be a catalyst for destructive behavior.

That is why any practicing psychologist must study in psychological diagnostics, psychiatry know at least at the level of the basics that will help with some degree of certainty to suspect the symptoms of mental disorder.

Believe me, better safe than sorry. Better to find tactful words that will not frighten and will allow people to walk to a psychiatrist, to refute a possible diagnosis than to miss a serious mental illness.

Clients often hide the fundamentally important things, but more often psychologists sin that overestimate their capabilities and take up something with which to cope can not.

See whether a person is an alternative way of life

– Fashion fashion, of course, but there is a common statement today: the American housewife goes to a therapist, a Russian woman to study psychology. This is usually attributed to the fact that the Americans have all the problems on the surface, and Russians prefer to understand on your own. And the mentality dictates to keep it to yourself. What do you think?

– Activated all at once. However, not every housewife is going to learn psychology. But trust in our society is really small, and not only to psychologists. If a person suspect you have a medical problem, believe me, before to go to the doctors, he will try to find information on the Internet, chat on forums, to self-medicate, even if we are talking about the cancer and if the pills are not prescription.

This is due to a number of installations. First, “all the problems I must solve myself.” Secondly, “they only money they pull, to help nobody”. Third, the “free – it is useless, nothing wait.”

And this applies in particular to the free psychological help in Moscow but still high quality. In Russia for specialists of helping professions, whether doctors, psychologists, specialists of social projects are looked upon with suspicion.

Not say and is not entirely unfounded, and passed from life experience is pessimistic: “nobody nobody”, “nobody cares”.

– If the psychologist and need is in a situation of acute trauma, the loss of someone who was killed, died, or people suddenly became incapacitated… In all other cases, I’m sure many will share this position: each person has the inner resources to cope with their problems. Do you agree?

– No, this is not always the case. First, the job crisis counselor – a separate genre. This ambulance, which is designed to help the person overcome the sharpness of feelings and not go crazy in a situation of acute grief. Crisis assistance helps to reduce the likelihood of mental disorders and the development of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Prevention of PTSD – the right to respond to a state of shock at the time of acute injury, and what do psychologists EMERCOM, as well as secondary prevention of suicides.

Second, many problems people can really handle, but only if they have the will, inner strength, and most importantly, if he even knows how to look an alternative way of life and an alternative model of behavior.

But it happens very rarely.

Imagine a woman in a situation familiar to family violence. She grew up in a family where violence, tyranny, aggression practiced. Married abuser who bore him children. All the time comforting ourselves that “beats – means loves”. At some point, her patience is running out, often just appears a direct threat to life.

After reading online stories about jealous-husbands and severed the hands of this woman really is scary. It seems that it should run for help, it’s time. But! A woman was not, and there is no will to change things, because the will is not formed.

She has no strength left because power went to the opposition and persuading themselves that to be patient and one day everything will work out. Importantly, she has no understanding of what to do and how to look for a normal relationship.

Help me deal with other people

– So, when and what to go to a psychologist?

Today, psychologists turn when problems accumulate, growing like a snowball. When people feel stuck. When time and again no relations, and in the fourth ten person suddenly realizes, “maybe something needs to be corrected in myself? Maybe not “men suck” and I was wrong relationships?” Turn to when we have a serious family crisis and people have the sense of dissonance: “I do not want to live like this, but then what to do?”

And even if a person has the resource to cope with the problem yourself, emotionally simpler problem still, to share with someone. Why go to a psychologist.

It is no secret that the psychologists go with their problems to psychologists. But not because I don’t know how to deal with everything. “To itself the psychologist” it doesn’t look as scary as “himself a surgeon”, but to pull themselves up by their bootstraps managed while only Munchausen.

When we try to deal with the underlying problems and their causes, inevitable work of psychological protection. Man at this point I need something to rely on, but the fulcrum is always outside, not inside.

Independently solving their psychological problems, you can cause yourself no less harm than if you try yourself to do the surgery.

I’m sure in the Internet you can find detailed instructions on how to remove an Appendix, but in the history of medicine recorded only one case when the person himself is safely removed. However, he was a surgeon and was in extreme conditions, when to expect help was nowhere.

Alas, often people looking for psychologists who will say exactly what they want to hear. Query “help to deal with other people” being the most common. “Children do not listen to ridicule the husband, the wife insolent,” says every other customer. When I say that these bad people are not and understand we can only with you that you can change in yourself? sometimes the reaction is very violent: “how dare you, I do not need to change, I’m fine. Stupid psychologists don’t understand that really…”

But there is a basic thing: the psychologist does not solve the problem for the person, the psychologist helps him to solve the problem yourself. If the psychologist takes to resolve the problem for you – he’s a charlatan, which should be run.

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