“You have it too patient” – why is the guy being bullied in school

Post writer and blogger Ulyana Menshikova about the persecution of her son Elijah’s pupils for a few hours gained more than 9,000 shares. “Pravmir” tried to contact participants history. The Director of the Lyceum 101 city of Barnaul Vasily Petrovich Mikhalchuk phone was off. The class teacher Ilya Olga Ostanina 9 p.m., said he already goes to bed and not ready to talk right now (later, however, adding that she was in the hospital with a relative). Uliana gave an interview to our correspondent.

Photo: Facebook Ulyana Menshikova

  • UNESCO: a Third of Russian schoolchildren are victims of bullying
  • Bullying scenario. I survived
  • How to talk to children about bullying
  • “Scapegoat” could be anyone,” – 7 misconceptions about adult bullying by Ludmila Petranovskoj
  • Classmates stuck to the face of Vani photo of the monkey and signed “Obezjanka”

Walks every day, as in war

— Ilya now feels?

Ilya is now at home us one and a half months treatment eyes. There was a bruise, spasm of the retinal vessels, with 100 percent eyes fell on minus one. Overall, okay, he’s young, healthy guy. Abrasion heals, thank God. Didn’t damage the eyeball itself, we were lucky. It is not bad. Most importantly, it departs psychologically, it is clear that he as mountain from shoulders has fallen. The situation as I understand it, has escalated to a state of insolubility.

— In the post you wrote that he very cautiously talked about everything. Now Illya once you shared?

— He very cautiously said. The last ten days before it happened 4 times I went to school to greet him and meet the guys with whom it was happening. Now the Director made a comment that all this did not happen on school grounds, but it’s not true. In the school, as it turned out, there were fights, they were separated by the teacher, but I had not reported even once. There in the sixth class, all younger than him and smaller than him.

I asked Elijah, he said, “Mom, we have a school rule: if you hit those who are younger than you, to expel you from the school.” He I — a man of rules, you know? The karate teacher said: “you can’t fight on the street,” he in the street fights. He is a peace — loving guy.

We have this is the second such situation. The first was in the fifth grade, and we had from that school to go. They together with another company of eight people, their classmates, drove for the garage and beat it with sticks. They fought off a grown man, when I saw what was happening. When I found out about it, went to the former class teacher, was the same language, the wine was completely dumped on me and the child, the conflict was hushed up. And the Director of the previous school just got away from me, did not even talk. Now all the same it turns out we were to blame. Moreover, we have in history the history is available.

The administration fully disown Elias and from what I’m saying. I are unable these guys to catch, to talk to them. Was going to go to a meeting with the Director. After the statement of Elijah about the knuckles, I realized that my child goes every day to war, chooses the roundabout way. He has a very short amount of: get out of school for about 19 hours, he needs to get home to eat, and in 20 hours he has training in karate three times a week. He bullet flies out of the school, and every day looking for a new path, but they already lie in wait. Their three or four always only attack from behind. It’s either a kick in the back, or with his fist, and then scatter in different directions, then again to catch up, is Mat verbal abuse, insults.

Photo: detroitnewswatch.org

I talked to the classmates of Ilia, with whom he is friendly. All this seemed to be confirmed, said that the school was a scuffle, and teachers, and the teacher saw all this, and no it did not react. You know, “all run, all cling to each other, Ilya doesn’t need to react when he gets bullied and kicked”. I still don’t know who it is.

Only, I am called the mother of the boy who threw the ice cube. She says that it has nothing to do with this company, it is good and beautiful and just happened to be there. By accident, when several people beat one, picked up a piece of ice and casually, as if playing in the snow, threw it to Ilya in the head. The lady’s warm enough we talked, said that in life anything can happen, but we will still meet, because a police report has already been filed.

I took it to the emergency room, there is automatically presented a statement to the police because it all happened in the school yard, there are records of the cameras. Director qualifies this fight, as a game in the snow, and an isolated event that happened at school. Half an hour after the emergency room we were already home by the police. And when I was explaining about the persecution, I was told that I should write only on this fact. I squeezed in the explanation that the child is already tortured, and he doesn’t want to go to school, there are literally two lines. But so far I nobody called.

I just called the inspector on Affairs of minors. She also didn’t tell me, who are the children and their parents. More, except for the mother of this boy, I never got a call. I also wrote a letter to the Director, described the situation, sent via e-mail. The next day, nobody invited me, I came to school. Were invited to all the children who were in the video, their parents. I had not been asked.

Did not apologize and made a debriefing

— You asked the question, why weren’t you invited?

— We did not receive a constructive conversation. I have arranged a meeting when I came in. The Director was emotional, he realized that the situation is unpleasant. And, after reading my letter to him, which he resented, he did not, apparently, help myself, to bring me an apology, ask how he feels Ilya.

On the contrary, he gave me as a mother, debriefing: why don’t I spend day and sleep at school, why I was the class teacher was seen only twice. I said that first, so it was not necessary. Secondly, my job involves traveling, and when I’m not traveling, I do two with disabilities. And if the school does not invite me, he gets the deuces in the quarter, no one beats what I do there. He this year has moved down in performance, and I suspect that the reason lies in this situation. Because the psychological strain that he suffered in school, not helped, of course, normal school. And this, too, I imputed.

As it turned out, our meeting had to be recorded, I had to explain all the legal nuances, but this conversation never happened. The Director said that it’s all true, it is the first time I hear about it, and I wind up with. I imputed that the child poisoned for the second time, and I have to protect him. He wants to make me a mother, a noisemaker, and at the same time I don’t go to school, and they can’t see me.

Then was invited by the class teacher and the head teacher, the conversation went on the raised tones. The class teacher prior to meeting with our General Director was adequate and said things that she now, of course, disown. She called then on the phone the name of the boy who was there and she said already got very many. But I was in such a daze that I did not remember them.

— You get her on the phone before?

Yes. I was on the phone, said that Elijah will not come to school, he has an injury. I told her the whole story with bullying, we had a very relaxed, good conversation. I assumed that we are all calm and well settled. About the persecution she heard from me. She very much liked to all. I was sure that we a few days will sort out the situation, find the guys who dealt with it. I have absolutely no thirst for man’s blood. I thought we would decide on the level of the parents with the involvement of the inspector on Affairs of minors, carry out some work and this will all end.

But this meeting with the Director of flipped everything on its head. From the facts protested, tried to tell me that Ilya should be a psychologist, he some not so, overreacted. To which I clarified that I never said that Elijah needs to see a psychologist, and I’ll know in two and a half years. And when I started the transfer Malakhov “Let them talk” I was in a derogatory manner it is said that the characteristics of all defendants, including the victim, in inspection on Affairs of minors will write a classroom teacher, and it will indicate that the mother does not appear in the school, working in Moscow, he is forgotten, pozabroshen.

I asked: even if that were the case, there is reason to beat up my child and to mock him? From the first grade, from elementary school, no matter how controversial the question may arise (they were few, but they were) the first thing I was told: “You be careful, you are at risk, you a single mom. Behave, through day-care”. When I hinted in elementary school, we have the privilege of food, the payment of 50 per cent: “Why do you need it? You will immediately be put on the account”. This is all I heard not once and not twice. But somehow, in eight years of guardianship to me never came like never came and a cool head, who at this moment decided that I did not adequately do Ilya.

Photo: Facebook Ulyana Menshikova

I say: “Translate”

— Do you have any idea why these guys chose the object of persecution Ilya?

— I asked him. He says: “first, mom, I don’t even know his name.” In a recent skirmish he was approached with the question: “why do you have grass? Let’s negotiate peacefully”, it was not explained. I asked my classmates and I heard a version of: “see, he is very patient!”.

Maybe it started as a game, then she sucked, he endured the spitting, butting, and then the game turned into all this. I don’t know. I asked if the school currently claims to my child: observations, actuators, could be something he stole, hit someone, or something had done that what teachers know. So I understand, too, that it’s not white and fluffy, but this. “No, no, of course not”. He is a home man, not a vicious, but not all is revealed towards. I say “Translate”. I’m not going to do it in class, great friends, a good relationship. Last year they there was also some kind of dust, they fought without end. Well, gathered the parents and the issue settled. Where the boys are, it happens from the kindergarten and I think it will be before the end of school. But a fair fight and what happened with him, it’s slightly different things.

— How do you see the situation?

First, you need to gather class classmates because everybody knows, was this the situation as they see it. Second, to contact those guys who dealt with them were from parents, the school, inspection on Affairs of minors. And I want to the school I had apologized. I don’t want to fire anyone, any scandal lights up and calms down, this is normal. But I want adequately of the measures taken, an apology and the cessation of this persecution. Infinite care is not the solution. All will be very easy, simply and well: “finally disposed of”.

If children will not be punished, I mean, if they do not receive the pedagogical action of the parent, they will understand that it is possible with impunity to do everything and, in principle, the system for them, not for someone to beat. They realize that the victim is guilty anyway. And it can be a very sad story.

— Ilya, he is not talking about transferring to another school?

— No, I didn’t. He believes that this is all resolved. I promised him that I will intercede for him. Today I was the Ombudsman of the Altai territory, that at all meetings that we will host, will be present with me. So I’m not like a crazy lonely woman, driven by care, run with tape, and came in contact with the authorities, this has connected the Ministry of education in Altai region.

I went out yesterday in tears and pressure “two hundred” from the school, called the Ombudsman, she took personally the phone, we agreed to meet today at five in the evening saw. Absolutely adequate person who understands what’s going on. It is completely painted me the whole sequence of actions, took us under his wing. I was delirious and didn’t know what to do. Hurt you, but you’re still forced to stand up for themselves and not that justified. And her involvement in all this at the moment for me to have good help. And I know that with me no one else would dare to speak in such a tone like it was yesterday. I spent three nights were just not sleeping, you know?

Now the situation is rendered in a display space, I know how much it’ll come out on the side of unpleasant things to me. In addition to this story I survived a terrible battle: my family member is incurable ill the third stage of cancer, we in the Altai, there is no palliative care, elementary, so I just advice can get. We run cancer centers, where chase us, shouting: “You that, want to do that?”. We have no hospice, no nothing, people die in terrible agony. This is the hardest death. And I just spill over into the school scandal, all is hard. All some kind of battle.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.